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So there I am, half awake, checking out Facebook yesterday morning pre-work, as I often do. Something a friend comments on leads me to an amusing photo on the sheriff's website. As it is often a good source of chuckles for me and others down here, I decide to continue perusing the "funny pages," as we call the part of the site with all the recent arrests and mugshots. And then, I see a familiar last name. Well, that's a weird coincid--wait, that's the same first name. And birth date. And....no, it can't be. But it is. Could this be an old mugshot accidentally grouped in with the latest ones? Nope. Date of arrest is this last Tuesday. It IS her.
Holy jumping cowbells. She's baaaaaaaack.....
Background: Many of you have heard me refer to My Worst Girlfriend Ever, ever so eloquently dubbed "That Vile Woman" by my niece, Dragon. We dated briefly years ago, but she definitely made a mark on this town by embezzling tens of thousands of dollars from her employer, getting caught, getting arrested, and getting convicted. I felt bad at the time, not for her, but for her boss, who is a friend of mine, because part of the reason she got the job in the first place was because she used me as a reference, and I enjoy a pretty damn good reputation in this town. But my friend, who caught That Vile Woman with her hand in the cookie jar and promptly fired her and brought in the police, told me not to sweat it, as Little Miss Con Artist had pretty much fooled everyone. Which, of course, she had.
Fallout: Several weeks after she was caught and fired, the police finally got around to arresting her, after her boss/my friend did their work for them* and gathered the evidence needed for a case against her, from records and receipts within the business. After spending six weeks in jail, she was finally released (a day after her birthday) after agreeing to a plea deal that resulted in her being convicted of felony embezzlement, in effect becoming a convicted felon (love that phrase!), and being sentenced to time served and five years probation, plus being ordered to pay restitution to the business.
A few months after THAT, she was re-arrested for violation of probation, after apparently not making any of her court-mandated restitution payments. She spent another three weeks in jail, and had her sentence reaffirmed...basically, she was told she HAD to make these payments, and her probation was moved to restart upon her second release. In effect, she got another few months probation, and was told by the court to do what it had already told her to do.
Eventually she left this island, allowing those of us who live here to breathe much sweeter smelling air, returning tothe Depths of Hell from whence she came her home state. At the time, I presumed that she had successfully transferred her probation from Florida to her home state. I didn't think much about it after that, just being happy that she was off my fucking island.
Now that was, if I do my math correctly, actually over five years ago, because I'm pretty sure her second sentencing came in the late spring or sometime in the summer of 2008. I may be off slightly on that, but I don't think so. Assuming I'm right (and what the hell, let's assume just that), that means that if That Vile Woman had done what she was supposed to do, her probation would be completed by this time.
And yet, here she was, back in the Island Gray Bar Hilton. According to the website, her arrest occurred in the Upper Keys, and the charge was violation of probation. What? Was she so stupid that, knowing she had not done what her sentence mandated, she would still travel not just to Florida, but to the very county of her crimes?
A little online research determined that that was not, in fact, the case. For some reason, she was arrested in late August in her home state, and two weeks later, extradited to Florida. On the pages I found online (while drinking delicious beer and giggling to myself), I saw the phrases "theft by taking" and my new favorite phrase, "fugitive from justice." I do not know if the theft was a new charge in her home state, or she had been stopped by the police for something else and that was the original charge here in Florida. Sheriff websites are disappointingly thin on such juicy details.
So, while she did not travel here of her own volition, thus violating her probation in her home state by leaving the state, I can think of a couple possibilities for what did happen:
1. She never actually transferred her probation from here to there, and just left.
2. She successfully transferred her probation, but blew off the payments.
The only other thing I could think of would be that her newest charge in her home state, being a crime, violated her probation, but as I pointed out, the timeline doesn't add up. She should have completed her probation by the time of her arrest, according to everything I could find on the two relevant sheriff websites.
So there I am yesterday at work, bouncing around happily, much to the bemusement of my coworkers, especially the ones who knew her. One of whom claimed I was "obsessed," but I countered with the fact that this nugget of joy had simply fallen in my lap. It's not as if I had been keeping tabs on this psycho.
"But Jester, what about this post?" Well, if you know me, you know I a vindictive SOB, and I am absolutely going to gloat and revel in this, for the very simple reason that I find this whole situation absolutely fucking hilarious!
And it's not just about her making me look bad by being a deceitful, manipulative thief. Oh no. I found out after the fact that, while we were dating, she was having more sex with other people than she was with me. I found out much later that she had actually told some people that I had physically abused her, which is utterly ridiculous to anyone who knows me. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I've only ever hit two women in my life, my older sister and my younger sister. We're all very close in age, so it doesn't take a genius to figure out how that went down. She almost got a friend of mine evicted when they were sharing an apartment, and her negligence of her pet and it's welfare almost ruined some of my friend's musical equipment. As a professional musician, this was my friend's livelihood. Later, she left a another good friend and coworker in the lurch when she got arrested, since they were roommates, despite my warnings to said friend not to trust That Vile Woman. After the arrest, said friend went through TVW's room to clean it out of all her stuff. And found some interesting things. Like possessions of the roommate's that had somehow found their way into TVW's room. And bags upon bags of clothing with price tags still on them, presumably items that had never been paid for. And the stories just kept coming out.
So understand, this is not simply a bitter ex-boyfriend basking in the glory of his old girlfriend's troubles. I have plenty of exes that I would invite to my wedding, and most would accept such an invitation, thank you very much. No, this was not only my worst girlfriend ever, this was one of the worst people I have had the displeasure of knowing.
And I promise you, I am NOT the only current or former Key West resident laughing about this turn of events. As it became apparent tht her sweet and innocent act WAS an act, and as her true nature became known, she pissed off quite a few people down here.
So yes, I am going to laugh. Yes, I am going to dance. And yes, I am going to gloat and revel in her misery. And I am going to do every bit of it with a completely clear conscience.
And I shall give the last word in this to my amazing niece, Dragon. When I called her and said, "guess who's back in jail," she guessed, "That Vile Creature?" When I asked her about the change in phrase, she said quite simply, "Well, I wouldn't really classify that thing as a woman."
*This is not a shot at police in general or even the KWPD in particular, but merely a summation of what happened in this particular instance. So please, no one get their panties in a bind. Thank you.
Holy jumping cowbells. She's baaaaaaaack.....
Background: Many of you have heard me refer to My Worst Girlfriend Ever, ever so eloquently dubbed "That Vile Woman" by my niece, Dragon. We dated briefly years ago, but she definitely made a mark on this town by embezzling tens of thousands of dollars from her employer, getting caught, getting arrested, and getting convicted. I felt bad at the time, not for her, but for her boss, who is a friend of mine, because part of the reason she got the job in the first place was because she used me as a reference, and I enjoy a pretty damn good reputation in this town. But my friend, who caught That Vile Woman with her hand in the cookie jar and promptly fired her and brought in the police, told me not to sweat it, as Little Miss Con Artist had pretty much fooled everyone. Which, of course, she had.
Fallout: Several weeks after she was caught and fired, the police finally got around to arresting her, after her boss/my friend did their work for them* and gathered the evidence needed for a case against her, from records and receipts within the business. After spending six weeks in jail, she was finally released (a day after her birthday) after agreeing to a plea deal that resulted in her being convicted of felony embezzlement, in effect becoming a convicted felon (love that phrase!), and being sentenced to time served and five years probation, plus being ordered to pay restitution to the business.
A few months after THAT, she was re-arrested for violation of probation, after apparently not making any of her court-mandated restitution payments. She spent another three weeks in jail, and had her sentence reaffirmed...basically, she was told she HAD to make these payments, and her probation was moved to restart upon her second release. In effect, she got another few months probation, and was told by the court to do what it had already told her to do.
Eventually she left this island, allowing those of us who live here to breathe much sweeter smelling air, returning to
Now that was, if I do my math correctly, actually over five years ago, because I'm pretty sure her second sentencing came in the late spring or sometime in the summer of 2008. I may be off slightly on that, but I don't think so. Assuming I'm right (and what the hell, let's assume just that), that means that if That Vile Woman had done what she was supposed to do, her probation would be completed by this time.
And yet, here she was, back in the Island Gray Bar Hilton. According to the website, her arrest occurred in the Upper Keys, and the charge was violation of probation. What? Was she so stupid that, knowing she had not done what her sentence mandated, she would still travel not just to Florida, but to the very county of her crimes?
A little online research determined that that was not, in fact, the case. For some reason, she was arrested in late August in her home state, and two weeks later, extradited to Florida. On the pages I found online (while drinking delicious beer and giggling to myself), I saw the phrases "theft by taking" and my new favorite phrase, "fugitive from justice." I do not know if the theft was a new charge in her home state, or she had been stopped by the police for something else and that was the original charge here in Florida. Sheriff websites are disappointingly thin on such juicy details.
So, while she did not travel here of her own volition, thus violating her probation in her home state by leaving the state, I can think of a couple possibilities for what did happen:
1. She never actually transferred her probation from here to there, and just left.
2. She successfully transferred her probation, but blew off the payments.
The only other thing I could think of would be that her newest charge in her home state, being a crime, violated her probation, but as I pointed out, the timeline doesn't add up. She should have completed her probation by the time of her arrest, according to everything I could find on the two relevant sheriff websites.
So there I am yesterday at work, bouncing around happily, much to the bemusement of my coworkers, especially the ones who knew her. One of whom claimed I was "obsessed," but I countered with the fact that this nugget of joy had simply fallen in my lap. It's not as if I had been keeping tabs on this psycho.
"But Jester, what about this post?" Well, if you know me, you know I a vindictive SOB, and I am absolutely going to gloat and revel in this, for the very simple reason that I find this whole situation absolutely fucking hilarious!
And it's not just about her making me look bad by being a deceitful, manipulative thief. Oh no. I found out after the fact that, while we were dating, she was having more sex with other people than she was with me. I found out much later that she had actually told some people that I had physically abused her, which is utterly ridiculous to anyone who knows me. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I've only ever hit two women in my life, my older sister and my younger sister. We're all very close in age, so it doesn't take a genius to figure out how that went down. She almost got a friend of mine evicted when they were sharing an apartment, and her negligence of her pet and it's welfare almost ruined some of my friend's musical equipment. As a professional musician, this was my friend's livelihood. Later, she left a another good friend and coworker in the lurch when she got arrested, since they were roommates, despite my warnings to said friend not to trust That Vile Woman. After the arrest, said friend went through TVW's room to clean it out of all her stuff. And found some interesting things. Like possessions of the roommate's that had somehow found their way into TVW's room. And bags upon bags of clothing with price tags still on them, presumably items that had never been paid for. And the stories just kept coming out.
So understand, this is not simply a bitter ex-boyfriend basking in the glory of his old girlfriend's troubles. I have plenty of exes that I would invite to my wedding, and most would accept such an invitation, thank you very much. No, this was not only my worst girlfriend ever, this was one of the worst people I have had the displeasure of knowing.
And I promise you, I am NOT the only current or former Key West resident laughing about this turn of events. As it became apparent tht her sweet and innocent act WAS an act, and as her true nature became known, she pissed off quite a few people down here.
So yes, I am going to laugh. Yes, I am going to dance. And yes, I am going to gloat and revel in her misery. And I am going to do every bit of it with a completely clear conscience.
And I shall give the last word in this to my amazing niece, Dragon. When I called her and said, "guess who's back in jail," she guessed, "That Vile Creature?" When I asked her about the change in phrase, she said quite simply, "Well, I wouldn't really classify that thing as a woman."
*This is not a shot at police in general or even the KWPD in particular, but merely a summation of what happened in this particular instance. So please, no one get their panties in a bind. Thank you.
It seems she reaped what she sowed.
(No drinking for me for a little while)
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