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I've left my church of 2 years and it hurts. I was bawling yesterday so badly I couldn't get control. I'm sorry for the length of this.
My church has been the most loving and accepting place I've ever gone to. We've done fun and crazy things like flash mob caroling on public transit at Christmas time and marching in the Pride parade every year. So many people there have become family to me.
The thing is, there's been a big problem for a long time. This is a fairly new church. We've been around four years and in that time four church sites have been planted with one of them moved and re-planted. The vision of the pastors was to have several sites in different neighborhoods across the city so every place still has that small church community while being a part of something larger. As you can see, they went at it at a break-neck pace.
They have very little paid staff and a few interns. Beyond that, they depend heavily on volunteers. A volunteer will be in charge of a team of volunteer greeters, or the same set up for coffee hour provisions, or set up, or AV, etc. Whenever a volunteer leader needs to recruit volunteers, though, they hit big roadblocks. If you asked for a place in the announcements or in the bulletin or even in the slideshow of announcements beforehand to get the word out about the service opportunity, you were shut down. Literally the only way you were allowed to recruit was during your own fellowship time in one on one discussions. We were told anything else "doesn't work". As my husband - who was in charge of AV at the time - told them, that doesn't really work. Yes, it can be brought up in conversation, but it's tacky to be expected to spend your time talking with the other members trying to recruit them. Also, as he pointed out, between setup and teardown of the AV equipment, he didn't HAVE fellowship time, so the suggestion was really insulting.
As an audio engineer, and as head of AV, he was told by one of the lead pastors that they wanted to know how to get set up to record and podcast the sermons every week and wanted him to help. Hubs asked what his authority was here and he was told "Do what it takes." Ok, then. Obviously, the equipment would need to be upgraded. He told them what the minimum specs were and recommended an interface that would really be the least expensive they could get while still doing what they wanted. He was told that was too expensive for their budget and how about X setup over here? Hubs told them in no uncertain terms that what they suggested would NOT work and it was better to wait and save for the one that would actually do what they were trying to do. They were not having it. This church has a pervasive attitude of we want it NOW when it comes to their projects. This is why they have 4 sites in 4 years. This is why they have an interface that doesn't have enough channels for all of the mics they wanted to record for the podcast.
Hubs also spent HOURS and I mean HOURS training their web guy how to use Wordpress and set up plugins for him and showed him how to post the podcasts. This guy, who happens to be PAID staff, had absolutely no interest in listening. (Side note, it's really telling that a volunteer later on ended up being the one to rebuild the website.)
Between the frustrations and roadblocks, Hubs stepped down from leading AV, but remained on the team. He still got asked about once a month why their setup wasn't working so well for the podcast. His answer eventually just became "Because it's not what I told you to do."
At the same time, I was the coordinator for the monthly meal at a local homeless shelter done by volunteers from the church. I was also in charge of coordinating who would bring bread and juice for communion each week. Like my husband, I was in a leadership role, and like him, I was blocked at every turn while trying to build a team. I first gave up being in charge of communion elements. But I later stepped down from my role of coordinating the meal for the shelter, although I never stopped contributing food. I can't tell you how many times I was blocked from making the need generally known to the church as a whole. Although, guess what's been in the bulletin nearly every week since I stepped down?
Guess who has plenty of volunteers now?
This year, they took a break rather than jumping into planting a fifth site. People around the room sank into their chairs in relief when they said that. Instead, they were taking the summer to listen to people in one on one sessions with a team of core volunteers. They literally called it the "Summer of listening". My site had 10 volunteers who literally had a session with everyone at the site and reported back what they'd learned.
In my session and in my husband's session with a different listener, the problems with not listening to volunteer lay leaders was brought up. Both listeners said it had come up several times. Several of our friends that had sessions with other listeners told us they brought up the same thing. We had done some "listening" of our own and knew we weren't the only ones.
Then, as the next step, during one service we broke into large discussion groups with one core person in each to take notes and report back to talk about needs of the church. Surprise, surprise. It came up there, too.
Afterward, with the church as a whole (for our site, anyway) back in one place, the pastor asked what were some overall themes of the discussion. I piped up and made sure it was said. I wanted the whole church to hear it so it couldn't be denied. I did so politely and not in a "gotcha" sort of way, but that was my underlying motive. People across the whole room were nodding in agreement.
Fast forward to yesterday. One of the lead pastors came to our site to deliver the "State of the Church address" in which he was going to report back what they learned from this summer. We went knowing it was going to be the last chance for them to be honest and acknowledge the problems.
Pretty much everything that was said in that address was stuff that they had already been planning on long before the "summer of listening" even started and the rest was super-vague bullet points. Nothing was even alluded to that suggested they had ever done anything wrong that needed any kind of correcting.
Then, they opened the floor for questions and my husband piped up and asked if there were any things they learned from the listening sessions about things that had been done wrong and what plans they had for correcting them. The question was evaded by both pastors that were there. So he asked a follow up question to hopefully clarify. The question was evaded again with the mention that any mistakes they made along the way they had been quick to correct. Someone else piped up and asked an unrelated question to clarify one of the vague ideas presented. That was evaded as well. They quickly closed the Q&A session after that. I'm seriously wondering what they expected out of the questions? They've literally known this was coming for months.
As if I wasn't already done, the fifth and final point of what supposedly came out of the listening sessions was a push for the pledge drive. How gullible do they think we are? Of course nobody sat in a coffee shop with a volunteer and said we need to push for more donations. Yes, I get donations are important and that's how the church runs, but seriously? There's a time, a place, and a way to handle it. That wasn't it. Honestly, that part made me sick to my stomach.
Afterward, I had lunch with friends, one of whom was a volunteer listener and the one that asked the last question that got shut down. I wasn't going to bring it up, but she asked us a lot of questions about our thoughts about how things went. Her folks she talked to weren't really volunteer leaders, so a lot of things we told her was news, but the things she heard didn't really come up, either.
My husband wrote an email to the pastors explaining (once again) the problems to give them one final chance. A friend suggested I do the same for my own sake, but I said I'm done talking to people who aren't listening. It's just a matter of time before the other volunteers burn out and leave. I know some that are pretty much on the breaking point.
Right now, I feel like there's a huge, aching hole in my chest and it just won't stop hurting. It really hit home yesterday when I wrote the worship leader to let him know not to put me on the band schedule going forward. (I sang almost every Sunday and I was the one they gave the strong female solos to.) That's when I broke down and sobbed.
Sorry for how long this got. Thanks for the place to vent.
My church has been the most loving and accepting place I've ever gone to. We've done fun and crazy things like flash mob caroling on public transit at Christmas time and marching in the Pride parade every year. So many people there have become family to me.
The thing is, there's been a big problem for a long time. This is a fairly new church. We've been around four years and in that time four church sites have been planted with one of them moved and re-planted. The vision of the pastors was to have several sites in different neighborhoods across the city so every place still has that small church community while being a part of something larger. As you can see, they went at it at a break-neck pace.
They have very little paid staff and a few interns. Beyond that, they depend heavily on volunteers. A volunteer will be in charge of a team of volunteer greeters, or the same set up for coffee hour provisions, or set up, or AV, etc. Whenever a volunteer leader needs to recruit volunteers, though, they hit big roadblocks. If you asked for a place in the announcements or in the bulletin or even in the slideshow of announcements beforehand to get the word out about the service opportunity, you were shut down. Literally the only way you were allowed to recruit was during your own fellowship time in one on one discussions. We were told anything else "doesn't work". As my husband - who was in charge of AV at the time - told them, that doesn't really work. Yes, it can be brought up in conversation, but it's tacky to be expected to spend your time talking with the other members trying to recruit them. Also, as he pointed out, between setup and teardown of the AV equipment, he didn't HAVE fellowship time, so the suggestion was really insulting.
As an audio engineer, and as head of AV, he was told by one of the lead pastors that they wanted to know how to get set up to record and podcast the sermons every week and wanted him to help. Hubs asked what his authority was here and he was told "Do what it takes." Ok, then. Obviously, the equipment would need to be upgraded. He told them what the minimum specs were and recommended an interface that would really be the least expensive they could get while still doing what they wanted. He was told that was too expensive for their budget and how about X setup over here? Hubs told them in no uncertain terms that what they suggested would NOT work and it was better to wait and save for the one that would actually do what they were trying to do. They were not having it. This church has a pervasive attitude of we want it NOW when it comes to their projects. This is why they have 4 sites in 4 years. This is why they have an interface that doesn't have enough channels for all of the mics they wanted to record for the podcast.
Hubs also spent HOURS and I mean HOURS training their web guy how to use Wordpress and set up plugins for him and showed him how to post the podcasts. This guy, who happens to be PAID staff, had absolutely no interest in listening. (Side note, it's really telling that a volunteer later on ended up being the one to rebuild the website.)
Between the frustrations and roadblocks, Hubs stepped down from leading AV, but remained on the team. He still got asked about once a month why their setup wasn't working so well for the podcast. His answer eventually just became "Because it's not what I told you to do."
At the same time, I was the coordinator for the monthly meal at a local homeless shelter done by volunteers from the church. I was also in charge of coordinating who would bring bread and juice for communion each week. Like my husband, I was in a leadership role, and like him, I was blocked at every turn while trying to build a team. I first gave up being in charge of communion elements. But I later stepped down from my role of coordinating the meal for the shelter, although I never stopped contributing food. I can't tell you how many times I was blocked from making the need generally known to the church as a whole. Although, guess what's been in the bulletin nearly every week since I stepped down?
Guess who has plenty of volunteers now?This year, they took a break rather than jumping into planting a fifth site. People around the room sank into their chairs in relief when they said that. Instead, they were taking the summer to listen to people in one on one sessions with a team of core volunteers. They literally called it the "Summer of listening". My site had 10 volunteers who literally had a session with everyone at the site and reported back what they'd learned.
In my session and in my husband's session with a different listener, the problems with not listening to volunteer lay leaders was brought up. Both listeners said it had come up several times. Several of our friends that had sessions with other listeners told us they brought up the same thing. We had done some "listening" of our own and knew we weren't the only ones.
Then, as the next step, during one service we broke into large discussion groups with one core person in each to take notes and report back to talk about needs of the church. Surprise, surprise. It came up there, too.
Afterward, with the church as a whole (for our site, anyway) back in one place, the pastor asked what were some overall themes of the discussion. I piped up and made sure it was said. I wanted the whole church to hear it so it couldn't be denied. I did so politely and not in a "gotcha" sort of way, but that was my underlying motive. People across the whole room were nodding in agreement.
Fast forward to yesterday. One of the lead pastors came to our site to deliver the "State of the Church address" in which he was going to report back what they learned from this summer. We went knowing it was going to be the last chance for them to be honest and acknowledge the problems.
Pretty much everything that was said in that address was stuff that they had already been planning on long before the "summer of listening" even started and the rest was super-vague bullet points. Nothing was even alluded to that suggested they had ever done anything wrong that needed any kind of correcting.
Then, they opened the floor for questions and my husband piped up and asked if there were any things they learned from the listening sessions about things that had been done wrong and what plans they had for correcting them. The question was evaded by both pastors that were there. So he asked a follow up question to hopefully clarify. The question was evaded again with the mention that any mistakes they made along the way they had been quick to correct. Someone else piped up and asked an unrelated question to clarify one of the vague ideas presented. That was evaded as well. They quickly closed the Q&A session after that. I'm seriously wondering what they expected out of the questions? They've literally known this was coming for months.
As if I wasn't already done, the fifth and final point of what supposedly came out of the listening sessions was a push for the pledge drive. How gullible do they think we are? Of course nobody sat in a coffee shop with a volunteer and said we need to push for more donations. Yes, I get donations are important and that's how the church runs, but seriously? There's a time, a place, and a way to handle it. That wasn't it. Honestly, that part made me sick to my stomach.
Afterward, I had lunch with friends, one of whom was a volunteer listener and the one that asked the last question that got shut down. I wasn't going to bring it up, but she asked us a lot of questions about our thoughts about how things went. Her folks she talked to weren't really volunteer leaders, so a lot of things we told her was news, but the things she heard didn't really come up, either.
My husband wrote an email to the pastors explaining (once again) the problems to give them one final chance. A friend suggested I do the same for my own sake, but I said I'm done talking to people who aren't listening. It's just a matter of time before the other volunteers burn out and leave. I know some that are pretty much on the breaking point.
Right now, I feel like there's a huge, aching hole in my chest and it just won't stop hurting. It really hit home yesterday when I wrote the worship leader to let him know not to put me on the band schedule going forward. (I sang almost every Sunday and I was the one they gave the strong female solos to.) That's when I broke down and sobbed.
Sorry for how long this got. Thanks for the place to vent.
I hope you find a lovely new spiritual home soon.
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