I thought [x] said...

[Cooper]

Our brain usually plays tricks on us. That's well-documented. Sometimes, this results in utter bizarre hilarity. We hear things that make no sense, read things that make no sense, and sometimes see things that make no sense, all in our brain's attempt to quickly interpret information.

My most memorable one of these has to be:

Me: Mom, why is there a shiny box in the middle of the road?
Mom: ... that's a car.

(I was 15.)

[AccountingDrone]

When I was 5 we visited Florida on the way home from living in Germany and my mom dad and I were walking on the beach after dinner and I got scared because dad said "Look - there's a lion!"

[Jay 2K Winger]

My Mom makes strange little sayings like that all the time, usually at the dinner table, although it's usually just her tripping over her words.

Dad and I will usually respond by jokingly saying "How much have you had to drink tonight?" or "My mother, ladies and gentlemen...."

[Antares]

In a previous job I was sitting in my cubicle when one of the overnight guys got up to go home. He was leaving at 8am which was a couple of hours later than he normally left. He looked pretty haggard and I said something to him about it. He said, "That's what happens when you work to 8."

I heard, "That's what happens when you work with apes."

[JustaCashier]

As a young child, like probably around age ten or a few years younger, a couple stick out in my mind; on City signs, for loading zones, bus stops, etc, what was in reality "Tow Away Zone", I saw, repeatedly for the longest time, it seemed, as; "Two Away Zone".

The other one, on probably fewer occasions, was on the back of school buses: "Unlawful to Pass When Red Lights Flash", I read as: "Unawful to Pass When Red Lights Flash".

Mike

[Cooper]

Had two from yesterday, neither from me:

I said: Oh, speaking of skype, grandma sent me an IM. Jack's daughter had her baby, so she'll be gone for at least a week.
My sister: Jasper's owners [grandma's renters] are what?
Me: (repeats) Why would my grandma have to leave the state if her renters did something?

Guy: You'd probably love D&D
Me: I bet I would, but I've never had geeky enough friends.
Girl: You've never had /kinky/ enough friends?