Pros and Cons of Living Alone (Future Edition)

[Jester]

As many of you know, and as all my friends know, I've been talking about moving back to Phoenix for a while now. So long, in fact, that my friends view it as a running joke. But I'm bound and determined to make this happen, hopefully around this time next year. Every time I go home to Phoenix for a visit, it becomes harder and harder to leave, so much so that the last two times it pretty much made me an emotional wreck as the end of my visit came along.

One of the last times I was in Phoenix, I actually scoped out some apartments, just to get an idea at what I'd be dealing with financially. And as I suspected, for about what I'm paying now in Key West to share a 3 bedroom 2 bath apartment with two guys, I could have my own two bedroom place. Not just in some shithole neighborhood, either, but in some areas of Tempe I'd really prefer to live in. This has gotten to be such an overriding thought that I've already pretty much mapped out where almost everything would go in the new apartment, despite the fact that I don't even have the new apartment yet, or know which one it will be, or what the floor plan will be. I even have started to figure out in my head what items I'll need furniture-wise to complete said non-existent-as-of-yet apartment.

But in any case, recently I've started to think about the pros and cons of living alone, which I've really only ever done in the dorms in college. And while there are a few cons, there are a LOT of pros.

Pro: my kitchen, my space, my stuff.
Pro: my apartment, my space, stuff.
Pro: I can walk around as undressed as I want.
Pro: my balcony/patio, my stuff.
Pro: I don't have to alert anyone if I'm having an out of town guest.
Pro: I can have a pet if I choose, without worrying about whether or not the roommates will agree to it.
Pro: I don't have to collect money from other people for rent or bills, as they're all mine.
Con: I have no one to lean on if I'm short on rent and bills, as they're all mine.
Pro: I don't have to wait for someone to finish in the bathroom if I have to go.
Pro: I don't have to schedule my shower around someone else's shower.
Con: I have to clean the bathroom, and the whole place, and can't blame any clutter or uncleanliness on anyone else's laziness or slovenly ways.
Pro: Any overnight female visitors don't have to worry about what to wear or not wear if they leave my room. To be fair, my roommates don't really mind this one, and have been treated to the sight of at least one (and maybe more) immodest woman.
Con: If I misplace my keys, no one's gonna let me in in the middle of the night.
Con: If I leave something important at home, I have no one I can beg to bring it to me.
Con: If something goes wrong with my computer, I won't have a computer tech five feet away that can fix it for me free of charge.
Pro: I can cook what I want when I want without anyone else getting in my way.
Con: I'll only be cooking for one, but that's pretty much how it is now, so not really a con.
Con: I will have no one to join me in getting delivery food or splitting a pizza with me.
Pro: All leftovers are mine.
Pro: No one else is going to accidentally break my beer bottles, or perhaps "accidentally" drink my booze.
Pro: More room for my beer and my booze.
Pro: The fridge, like the kitchen, is mine, mine, mine!
Pro: Pantry, meet fridge. Same idea.
Pro: I won't have to wait for someone else to finish their laundry before I do mine,
Con: Most apartments don't have their own laundry machines right inside the apartment.
Pro: I don't have to worry about anyone within the apartment being disturbed by my tv or music being too loud for them. Neighbors, yes, but no one within the apartment itself.
Pro: No one else's tv or music will be disturbing me inside the apartment.
Pro: I don't have to watch roommates pile up the trash without taking it out, for someone reason expecting me to do so.
Con: No one else to take out the trash.
Pro: Dishwasher, see trash.
Con: Dishwasher, see trash.
Pro: Any furniture I have will be to my tastes.
Con: I'm gonna have to buy some furniture. Mostly living room stuff.
Pro: Any decor will be to my tastes.
Pro: No snarky remarks from roommates about my cooking, my taste in women, my drinking habits, or really anything.
Con: No roommates to occasionally chat with. I can live with this one. I like my roommates, but we don't interact a huge amount of the time, to be honest.
Pro: If I need a parking pass, I only need one for me, and don't have to beg, cajole, or bargain for additional parking passes.
Con: No one to watch the place when I'm gone on vacation.
Pro: No more closed doors.
Pro: The library will be moved to the guest room, and I'll be able to get a big screen tv for the living room for sports and such.
Con: I'll have to buy a big screen tv.
Pro: Only dealing with mail for one.
Con: I'll be the only one to bring in the mail.
Pro: The whole place will be mine.
Pro: I'll be home in Arizona. One of the biggest pros of all. Because it also means...
Pro: I'll only be an hour's drive from my parents.
Pro: I'll be able to see my stepsister in her care facility on a regular basis.
Pro: I'll be able to hang out more with my best friend.
Pro: I'll see a lot of my old friends more often.
Pro: I'll make a whole bunch of new friends. (Always do.)
Con: I'll miss my Key West friends.
Con: I'll miss Key West. Pretty much the minute I leave the island, for both of these.
Pro: Mill Avenue, here I come!
Con: So long, Duval Street.
Pro: Far less rain.
Pro: Far far less humidity.
Con: Phoenix not only gets much hotter than Key West, which I'm fine with, it also gets much colder, which I'm not.
Pro: More open roads for bicycling.
Pro: More options for movies, concerts, shopping, dining, and just about everything, other than water sports.
Con: Goodbye, ocean. Goodbye, water sports.
Con: Almost certainly a longer commute to my new job.
Con: More traffic.
Con: More crime.
Con: Goodbye, tight knit Key West community.
Pro: Hello, bigger dating pool.

Okay, this was supposed to be just about living alone (which I can't afford to do here), but it's all tied in to the move to Phoenix, so I was just kind of streaming my thoughts.

Feel free to add to my list if you can think of anything, be it applicable to me or your own situation.

[Kittish]

Pro: You're free to answer your door in as little as you care to when unannounced visitors call. (When I had my own apartment I warned everyone that might be inclined to just show up to always, ALWAYS call first because otherwise I'd probably answer the door naked.)

Con: Every once in a while, that unannounced visitor is a cop, or the landlord....

Pro: If you meet someone you get along that well with, it's not as big a hassle if she moves in either officially or un.

Re: potential pets- do yourself a huge, HUGE favor and don't have a bird as a pet. They're incredibly messy.

[mathnerd]

So long, in fact, that my friends view it as a running joke.

Some of your friends may or may not have a betting pool going on about this very subject.

Seriously, though, some things to consider:

Living alone can get lonely. You're a far more social creature than I am, but the short amount of time I lived without roommates before I got married (then had kids, which meant tiny roommates for decades!), even I started growing antsy for company. Going out gets old, and sometimes you just want to have a conversation without all the irritation of calling/texting/facebooking/going out.

On the flip side, while you've had occasional problems with them, you really do have good roommates, so finding a roommate that meets that standard might be difficult.

While you can be as tidy or untidy as you'd like, bringing women gets vastly more complicated if you're untidy. I know some of your tidiness issues stem from cramming far too much stuff into far too small a space, but if you do decide to live alone, make sure you don't fall victim to your stuff expanding to meet the space you have.

Of course, I think you know what I think is the biggest pro of you moving out west is!

[Kittish]

For the actual move, banker's boxes are great for packing stuff (books, clothes, knick-knacks, cookware, anything that will fit, really). They're usefully big without being so big that one packed absolutely full is too heavy for most people. They stack neatly and easily. They're sturdy, and can easily be reinforced with duct tape. They have lids. They have handles. They can easily be broken down flat after the move for storage/disposal.

They also work well as shipping boxes. What I did when I moved to Nevada from South Dakota was pack up my books and ship them, cost me around $25 per box. Took 4 boxes for the bulk of my books (mostly paperbacks). I figure the cost was well worth not having them taking up space in my vehicle for the move.

[TheSHAD0W]

Unless you really need the room, I strongly recommend you get a smaller apartment and save up any difference in rent. That'll help alleviate your money concerns, and maybe help you save for a place you can REALLY call your own in the future.

[NecessaryCatharsis]

Unless you really need the room, I strongly recommend you get a smaller apartment and save up any difference in rent.

Agreed. (Around here anyways) it is a LOT cheaper to get 1/2 the size apartment and a storage unit, so when I lived alone I always got a 1 bedroom or studio style with a storage unit (tools, extra books, out of season clothes and outdoors equip). Saved a lot of money, had less area to clean, and still didn't have a crowded living space.

I lived for 4 years with roomates, 10 years alone, 4 years with hubby, and currently live with a 6 year old. I always preferred to live alone, but the pros of having roomates were:
Weekly poker game/pool tourney/H O R S E for apartment chores. I NEVER had to clean the bathroom, and rarely the kitchen.
I only had to cook dinner 1-2/week, and only had to shop 1/month (I'm not a huge fan of either)
Always someone to come fetch me when I got stupid loaded
If I couldn't find something to do, one of them was always doing something I could tag along on

Pros of living alone:
Can truly relax. Can walk to the bathroom naked, can watch Marley and Me and have a good cry on the couch, can listen to Shakira while mopping (shhh...that's a secret)
So much easier to clean after one person than many
Never having to wonder who's toenail/hair/used tissue that is before picking it up
Don't get awaken several nights/week to go pick up people who are stupid wasted
Nobody ever moves or messes with the project/work/etc you've left have done on the table
Never fighting over what the stereo is playing (my kid currently has a thing for Right Said Fred )
No roomates douchebag friends coming to the nights at your place, all your own invite list

I just like living alone, I like not being responsible for other people, and I like the freedom that being entirely in charge offers.

[Jester]

Motherfucker! I had more than half of my comments typed out, and my iPad booted me from Safari, and when I went back, the reply window had been wiped clean. Clearly I'm gonna have to do this again in my notes area and then cut and paste. Fucking stupid. Anyway.....

Kitties, while you are correct about answering the door, as much as a Bohemian as I am, I would never answer the door naked, as I view that as just rude. Unless it's that special someone, of course. (Why hello, Karen Gillan.....do come in!)

You're also very correct about how much easier that special someone moving in, short term or long term, would be.

As for birds, while I love them, I don't see myself having one as a pet. I'm more of a cat guy, to be honest.

Some of your friends may or may not have a betting pool going on about this very subject.

Shit. My best friend not only won't believe until she sees it, she's said she won't even believe it when she sees it. In fact, when I knock on her door and she sees me standing there with the U-Haul truck behind me and the Jestermobile on the trailer behind that, she STILL won't believe I'm really home!

Living alone can get lonely. You're a far more social creature than I am, but the short amount of time I lived without roommates before I got married (then had kids, which meant tiny roommates for decades!), even I started growing antsy for company. Going out gets old, and sometimes you just want to have a conversation without all the irritation of calling/texting/facebooking/going out.

Yes and no. While my roommates are great, as you know, I really don't interact with them all that much socially. I probably talk to you as much as I talk to them, if I'm gonna be honest. And not only are you overestimating my interaction with them, you're underestimating my enjoyment of going out.

Besides, most of my time in this apartment I spend either in my room sleeping, watching tv, or playing on the net, or else in the kitchen. I may occasionally wish I had roommates, but honestly, after 44 years on this planet, I am quite ready to go it alone for once.

While you can be as tidy or untidy as you'd like, bringing women gets vastly more complicated if you're untidy. I know some of your tidiness issues stem from cramming far too much stuff into far too small a space, but if you do decide to live alone, make sure you don't fall victim to your stuff expanding to meet the space you have.

Absolutely understood. And while space is an issue here, I do plan on looking into weekly maid service out there to take care of vacuuming, dusting, and cleaning, since I know that is not something I'm likely to pay much attention to.

Of course, I think you know what I think is the biggest pro of you moving out west is!

Duh. Being within a road trip or quick plane flight of visiting you or you visiting me. Selfish wench.

For the actual move, banker's boxes are great for packing stuff (books, clothes, knick-knacks, cookware, anything that will fit, really). They're usefully big without being so big that one packed absolutely full is too heavy for most people. They stack neatly and easily. They're sturdy, and can easily be reinforced with duct tape. They have lids. They have handles. They can easily be broken down flat after the move for storage/disposal.

I appreciate the suggestion, but you forget, I work in a bar. And so I have unlimited access to FREE liquor and beer boxes, which are just as awesome and versatile as banker boxes, though not all of them have handles.

They also work well as shipping boxes. What I did when I moved to Nevada from South Dakota was pack up my books and ship them, cost me around $25 per box. Took 4 boxes for the bulk of my books (mostly paperbacks). I figure the cost was well worth not having them taking up space in my vehicle for the move.

Not gonna need to do that. U-Haul truck plus the Jestermobile on a trailer dolly behind it, with the Jestermobile packed with plenty of stuff (probably mostly books). I have too much stuff for just the Jestermobile, and have acquired some furniture I rather like, so am gonna go for the U-Haul truck with the dolly. No muss, no fuss.

Or, if I get a really good rate, I'll have a moving company take everything but the most fragile or valuable stuff, which I'll put in said Jestermobile and do a road trip across the country.

Unless you really need the room, I strongly recommend you get a smaller apartment and save up any difference in rent. That'll help alleviate your money concerns, and maybe help you save for a place you can REALLY call your own in the future.

First, the difference between a one and two bedroom is not enough to justify this to me. Second, a studio is far too small for me. Not just for my stuff, but for me as a person. I'd go nuts. Third, I know what I have and the space I need, and a two bedroom would be perfect. Especially if/when I have any out of town guests. Finally, if by your last sentence you mean saving for BUYING a place, ain't gonna happen. For many, many reasons, I have zero interest in buying a place. Zero. Zilch. None.

Weekly poker game/pool tourney/H O R S E for apartment chores. I NEVER had to clean the bathroom, and rarely the kitchen.
I only had to cook dinner 1-2/week, and only had to shop 1/month (I'm not a huge fan of either)
Always someone to come fetch me when I got stupid loaded
If I couldn't find something to do, one of them was always doing something I could tag along on
Don't get awaken several nights/week to go pick up people who are stupid wasted
No roomates douchebag friends coming to the nights at your place, all your own invite list

My roommates and I, while we get along, are not nearly that social with each other.
I like cooking. And I only cook for myself now anyway (we all cook for ourselves), so that wouldn't change.
And neither my roommates nor myself usually have visitors over. Mr. Anti-Social never does, and Mr. Fix-It only rarely, and most of those are women he's sleeping with.

[lachesis]

Your list has a lot more pros than cons and the majority of those cons can be worked around pretty easily. Out of all the new people you meet, at least one will probably be a tech guy. Some of the cons are housecleaning cons. Of course you'll be responsible for taking out the trash and such, but somebody's gotta do it!

The cons about the tight knit community, missing old friends, etc. Those are the ones I personally would have a hard time with.

[mathnerd]

Shit. My best friend not only won't believe until she sees it, she's said she won't even believe it when she sees it. In fact, when I knock on her door and she sees me standing there with the U-Haul truck behind me and the Jestermobile on the trailer behind that, she STILL won't believe I'm really home!

I'm kinda with her on this one. I'll believe it when I see a certified copy of your lease.

Yes and no. While my roommates are great, as you know, I really don't interact with them all that much socially. I probably talk to you as much as I talk to them, if I'm gonna be honest. And not only are you overestimating my interaction with them, you're underestimating my enjoyment of going out.

I was actually running on the assumption you talked to me more than you talked to them, and these days, that's not very much at all. As for underestimating how much you like going out, that's a distinct possibility, though I have heard you say you just don't want to go out once or twice, so that might have been coloring my thoughts.

Besides, most of my time in this apartment I spend either in my room sleeping, watching tv, or playing on the net, or else in the kitchen. I may occasionally wish I had roommates, but honestly, after 44 years on this planet, I am quite ready to go it alone for once.

Fair enough

Absolutely understood. And while space is an issue here, I do plan on looking into weekly maid service out there to take care of vacuuming, dusting, and cleaning, since I know that is not something I'm likely to pay much attention to.

And bathroom. Please don't forget the bathroom.

Duh. Being within a road trip or quick plane flight of visiting you or you visiting me. Selfish wench.

Absolutely and unashamedly!

[Sapphire Silk]

When I moved out of my parents house, I had roommates for six years until I moved in with my boyfriend (later husband)--we were together for about 2 years.

When the ex and I split, I went back to college and lived on campus for two years and had the benefit of a single room.

That decided it for me: no more roommates. The disadvantages were so vastly outstripped by the advantages, I will never, ever go back unless by some miracle I decide to get married again.

Some of my roomies were good ones and some weren't. But it really boils down to this: I can't stand to put up with other people's shit, and I don't want to impose mine upon them. Taz is more than enough company at home, and I have a plethora of friends to keep life interesting.

[Sliceanddice]

Living alone can get lonely. You're a far more social creature than I am, but the short amount of time I lived without roommates before I got married (then had kids, which meant tiny roommates for decades!), even I started growing antsy for company. Going out gets old, and sometimes you just want to have a conversation without all the irritation of calling/texting/facebooking/going out.

this is when you invest in board games and other table top games and get your friends to have a game night with you once a week. company, fun and lots of booze and food.

Unless you really need the room, I strongly recommend you get a smaller apartment and save up any difference in rent. That'll help alleviate your money concerns, and maybe help you save for a place you can REALLY call your own in the future.

it is the phoenix area, i know from my own apartment serachs that the price difference between 1 and 2 bedroom is usally about... 150ish dollars on average, some times higher some times lower. if he can affors a 2 bedroom the second bedroom is cheaper than a storage unite

[Food Lady]

I started living on my own 5 years ago. I loooooooooooooove it. No one loses my spoon from the set I just bought. My mail doesn't get lost in the pile of papers on someone's computer. No one wakes me up at a ridiculous (for me) hour in the morning. I work crazy hours; sometimes I do need to get up at 6:00 am, but sometimes I need to sleep until 9:00. I don't find food I was saving has been eaten. The bathroom is allll mine, all 4 feet of vanity mirrors and countertop, every drawer and shelf, all the space in the shower. I don't have to avoid touching someone else's shower pouffy-thing, and I can get in the shower whenever I need to. If I don't feel like doing housework, I don't. I can cook whenever I want without fear of waking someone, and I don't have to wait for someone to finish cooking her meal before I get in there. I generate a lot of dirty dishes, but at least I don't have to clean others' dishes. Rents are cheap here, but so are wages. It would be cheaper if I had a roommate, but not having roommates entitles me to certain subsidies. It's a wash. I control the room temperature. All the storage is mine. If I set something down, it stays there until I move it. I can wear whatever I want at home. I'm sure I could think of more. If anyone ever pops the question, I'm going to have to seriously consider it; it would be giving up a certain amount of freedom.

[Jester]

company, fun and lots of booze and food.

Wait, I've heard of this. I know this. Oh, yeah, I know what this is....it's called "a night out at a bar." One of my favorite past times!

if he can affors a 2 bedroom the second bedroom is cheaper than a storage unite

Actually, I plan for the second bedroom to serve as a guest room/office/library. My bookshelves around the walls with a fold out futon or sofa in there, along with my computer desk and computer, giving me more room in the master bedroom to be comfortable, and giving me a chance to have a more traditional living room than my current library of a living room. Of course, I'll have to buy a couch, some chairs, a table or three, and a big ole tv, but I'm kinda looking forward to that, as well as being able to actually host dinner parties and such in my new kitchen, dining room, living room, and balcony. Etc, etc.

Adding to my list.....

PRO: Dating. While there are no guarantees that the pickings will be any different in Phoenix than in Key West, there is a vast difference in pool size: 2 million people vs. 25,000. And while what happens in Key West stays in Key West, when you live here, that means everyone knows your shit. Which would not be the case in the Valley of the Sun.

CON: Far less cheap, fresh seafood.
CON: Say goodbye to great Cuban food.
PRO: Say hello to great Mexican food.

PRO: Hello again, my old friend, the Batting Cages.
PRO: Hello, what may become my new friend, the Driving Range.
PRO: Hello again, go kart tracks.

PRO: Goodbye to living in Florida, which consistently features some of the most fucked up stories in the news.
CON: Hello to returning Arizona, which consistently features some of the most fucked up stories in the news.

[Sliceanddice]

jester your talking to miss antisocial in the best ways. i dont drink and would rather invite people to my house and feed them by either cooking or pooling cash. people who have to go out to have fun confuse me.

Actually, I plan for the second bedroom to serve as a guest room/office/library. My bookshelves around the walls with a fold out futon or sofa in there, along with my computer desk and computer, giving me more room in the master bedroom to be comfortable, and giving me a chance to have a more traditional living room than my current library of a living room. Of course, I'll have to buy a couch, some chairs, a table or three, and a big ole tv, but I'm kinda looking forward to that, as well as being able to actually host dinner parties and such in my new kitchen, dining room, living room, and balcony. Etc, etc.

oh jester you know how to make a nerdy girl happy

[Jester]

I certainly do, but I'm not sure what YOU mean by it, since I enjoy going out, and so apparently I confuse you. Don't get me wrong, I don't HAVE to go out to have a good time, but I do enjoy going out. But I can have a good time at home or out at the bars. I'm versatile like that.