Well, That Was...Unexpected

[AnaKhouri]

Over Labor Day weekend, my mother-in-law's family has a reunion every year. So me, the husband and #1 Son came down to a town about 4 hours away to attend. Reunion was Sunday, we planned to go home Monday.

Instead, husband and #1 Son will be going home this coming Sunday...and I will be going home in about 5 weeks...with a baby.

I WAS 32 weeks pregnant. On Saturday night we went to see Guardians of the Galaxy. About 4 am on Sunday morning I woke up, had to pee- hardly unusual- and discovered I was bleeding. A lot.

We woke MiL, a nurse and she drove us to the ER. They confirmed that my water had broken and I was in labor. How did I not know I was in labor? Well, with #1 Son I was induced because of high blood pressure, and when you're induced you tend to bypass the early stages of labor and go straight into active labor, so I didn't know what it was supposed to feel like. And anything I did feel didn't persist so I put it down to Braxton-Hicks contractions, sort of a fake-out practice labor you get in the third trimester.

Anyway, despite valiant work on the part of doctors, nurses, and massive doses of drugs intended to stop labor for at least 48 hours (to give some steroid injections time to develop the baby's lungs) it became obvious he wasn't going to stay in. So Malcolm was born on September 1st (Labor Day- haha), exactly 8 weeks early. The doc recommended I have another C-section, which I really didn't want, but in a panic I chose the devil I knew. This turned out to be very, very good, as he discovered I had suffered a uterine tear that would certainly have resulted in a rupture and a dead baby if I had tried for VBAC.

Mal is surprisingly big for his age- over 4 whole pounds- but he will have to be in the NICU for 4-6 weeks to catch up before he can be released. Which means that on Sunday the husband and #1 Son will go home, and I will stay here with the in-laws until Mal is ready. My in-laws are wonderful people who have just been fantastic, and they promise to take me to the hospital any time I want to see the baby. But right now I am feeling kind of low. I'll be away from my husband and son for over a month, and I won't even have #2 Son beside me. The whole thing still feels very surreal; a few days ago I was looking forward to another two months of being pregnant, and now I'm not anymore, literally overnight. We've been scrambling to cancel appointments and get #1 Son enrolled in all-day kindergarten for the next month, Husband's lab work is going to suffer and while they plan to come here on weekends, it's going to be incredibly hard (I was discharged myself today, and leaving my baby there was the worst. I almost made it out of the NICU before I started bawling). I am the runner of the household, and while Husband isn't resentful at all I feel terrible that he will be a single dad for so long. We have no family at home to help him.

I worry about my older son too. We're very close, and this has been hard on him. I think the fact he can't go into the NICU doesn't help, as al these changes are happening but he hasn't seen the cause of them, so having a baby brother is still very abstract to him. I may be posting in Advice looking for ways to help him out.

So that was my weekend. It really helps to type it all out. We're still in a daze over here.

[Kheldarson]

Shit, Ana, that's rough. I'm glad you and Mal are both safe and sound to relative degrees! Keeping you in my thoughts.

[fireheart]

Here's hoping that Malcolm will be OK in the long-term.

Regarding Khan, take some photos and/or videos from the NICU (if you can) to show Khan what's going on. Let him get a toy for the baby and/or other things for the baby to give to him.

Alternately, if you can somehow videocall him, why not set up a videochat for Khan? I do know that some hospitals nowadays are allowing Internet access, but I don't know how many or if they do it in the US.

[AccountingDrone]

'Oops, it's a kid' has happened to a few people I know! I agree, pictures and maybe a short videochat might help Khan cope. I know that I got stuck in the hospital more or less every winter from birth until I was 12 and it got really lonely when I was Khan's age because I really didn't understand anything other than I got sick every year and had to go away. [Chronic lung issues from whooping cough tended to make that annoying little winter cold every kid gets roll into pneumonia. Damned issue ended up making me allergic to pennicillin because of the routine dosing that came with the old treatment for rheumatic fever thanks to an uncaught case of allied strep picked up in hospital. Yay me. Antivaxxers can all fuck off and die.]

And besides, pix are always good - we have tons of pix of my brother, sister and I doing all sorts of good embarrassing stuff!

[Jester]

Three things.

First, CONGRATULATIONS! With all the medical and personal drama, don't lose sight of the fact that you have a new son, and this is something to be joyful of. Which brings me to my second point....

While these next few weeks won't be easy, getting through them will almost definitely make you stronger, both individually and as a family. Which brings me to my third point:

Head up, kid. You CAN do this!


And completely unrelated....

Antivaxxers can all fuck off and die.

This just made me laugh. And I think everyone can use a good laugh from time to time. Especially if it comes from something that was originally less than amusing, such as your original situation.

[AccountingDrone]

And completely unrelated....

Quoth AccountingDrone View Post
Antivaxxers can all fuck off and die.

This just made me laugh. And I think everyone can use a good laugh from time to time. Especially if it comes from something that was originally less than amusing, such as your original situation.

Thanks. My brother and I did the various kiddy diseases back in the early 60s, and I almost died from whooping cough, my brother almost died from German Measles [rubella not rubeola, different diseases]. Childhood diseases are nothing to be causal about, there was a *death rate* from childhood diseases, in many times and places 50% or greater would die before their first birthdays, and many children still did not live past their 5th birthday.

I am sure the new sprog is getting plenty of care, and will be vaccinated in due course, and turn into an absolutely annoyingly cute kid.

[Kanalah]

First off, Congrats on the new baby!!

Second, lots of hugs for you and the little one in the NICU. Been there, done that. Got a onesie!

[Gizmo]

Congrats and many hugs for the coming weeks. xx

[dalesys]

NICU at Nite (The Preemie Song) - Hugh Blumenfeld

Pass this around. (Where the babies go beep-beep-beep)

[Geek King]

Congratulations! It may not have been the delivery you hoped, but it sounds like a lot of things went your way that could have gone very wrong! As a third-party to the story, it sounds to me like you had a lot of good fortune to be happy about.

[Ellain]

Congratulations! I hope little Malcolm decides he doesn't need the NICU in record time, so your family can be together again. *hugs* Being apart is rough!

[MoonCat]

Congratulations! Kinda rough that everything happened so fast. Be kind to yourself - give yourself time to get used to the changes, take some time to relax and indulge in a little something nice for YOU - whether it be some good chocolates or other treats, a movie, a visit to a day spa or just sitting out on the deck or porch or in the garden, whatever you've got there.

[AnaKhouri]

Thanks everyone! I am feeling better about it today. Mal is already off oxygen (for now, there will be ups and downs according to his very excellent doctor) and they've been steadily increasing his food intake. So he's looking pretty good.

My mom is going to help Husband and #1 Son for a couple days next week, and once I can drive MiL is going to up to help as well. Husband's PI has been as understanding as he's capable of so while it will be a setback it should be OK (this is the husband who routinely works 60-80 hours a week, so being forced to keep it to 6 hours a day and no weekends is really going to impact his experiments, but it can't be helped).

I'll try to relax- I'm one of those people who feels like if I don't do it, it won't be done right. So while Husband is perfectly capable, it will be interesting to see what the house looks like when I return...

[fireheart]

Thanks everyone! I am feeling better about it today. Mal is already off oxygen (for now, there will be ups and downs according to his very excellent doctor) and they've been steadily increasing his food intake. So he's looking pretty good.

Yay!

Hopefully Khan will be able to meet his baby brother before too long.

[Jester]

So while Husband is perfectly capable, it will be interesting to see what the house looks like when I return...

It'll be fine. Maybe a bit disorganized, but fine. As an example....

When I was up in Orlando visiting my niece HP and her boyfriend Jet, I took a look in the kitchen and was surprised to see a complete disaster. When I asked what had happened, HP told me that when she, a bit ago, was laid up with a back injury, Jet had done all he could to help her out and take care of her, and in the process, kitchen cleaning type stuff (you know, like, dishes) had gotten a bit neglected.

Now, normally I might have been irritated at a niece's boyfriend for such neglect, but the fact remained he had taken good care of HER while she was laid up, so I couldn't really be listed. I did, however, react somewhat uncharacteristically for me: I said "fuck this" and started attacking the mountain of nasty ass dishes, much to HP's shock. Hell, my mother would have probably fallen over had she seen me do that. But not only did I whip their kitchen into semi-decent shape, I went out to Bed Bath & Beyond and bought them some stuff for their kitchen that they didn't have and wanted, or that I decided they needed: some real wooden cutting boards (they only had those lame plastic ones), a good prep knife, a real can opener (the one they had was a joke), and some wooden spoons, because as far as I'm concerned, it's not a kitchen if you don't have some good wooden spoons.

So, yeah....have fun when you return home.