Urgh... just venting

[Kittish]

So I have (well, at this point probably 'had') a friend who drives me up the fuckin' wall. As long as I've known her, a couple of years at this point, she's been having the same goddamn issues with her marriage, over and over and OVER, and utterly refuses to do anything more than cry over the latest round. Why? Because she lurves him.... Frankly, I've run out of fucks to give over her refusal to take any action to change her situation. I'm honestly starting to think that her bag is garnering sympathy from anyone she can over the latest bit of dumb-fuck asshattery on the part of her spouse. I'm all out of sympathy.

[BlaqueKatt]

Frankly, I've run out of fucks to give over her refusal to take any action to change her situation. I'm honestly starting to think that her bag is garnering sympathy from anyone she can over the latest bit of dumb-fuck asshattery on the part of her spouse. I'm all out of sympathy.

Your friend could be in an abusive marriage(not all abuse leaves physical marks), and if that's the case, anyone who isn't in the exact situation wouldn't understand-this article deals with physical abuse, but the issues are still the same with emotional and mental abuse.

Why doesn't she just leave?

[KuariKaydrith]

I've done volunteer work with abused women - the hardest abuse to prove is the non-physical. And most women being mentally and emotionally abused don't even realize that they are being abused.

I know it's hard for people outside of the situation to understand, especially when they see no change in the situation. What I recommend is that you don't pull completely away from her but when she starts talking about her marriage woes change the subject and tell her that until she is willing to make some much needed changes that you'd rather not hear about it, yet make it clear that you will be there for her if her marriage goes completely to shit - as in if she has to get the hell out.

It's a tough position to be in, even for somebody who knows what it's like to be in the same situation. She might not even realize that she keeps repeating the same cycle - have you told her that you are getting frustrated with the fact that there is no change in her marriage issues? If not, perhaps lay it out for her and let the chips fall where they may. That's all I can really recommend at this point because even if she were to show up at your house covered in visible bruises she will not take action just because somebody tells her to...it's a decision she needs to make for herself.

And I know it's hard to see it all from the outside looking in, and it's frustrating as all hell. Not having any sympathy left is a normal feeling, so don't beat yourself up over it.

[taxguykarl]

And I know it's hard to see it all from the outside looking in, and it's frustrating as all hell. Not having any sympathy left is a normal feeling, so don't beat yourself up over it.

Agreed...remember ownership of the problem---and you definately don't want title to this mess.

[Kittish]

Yes, there is some mental and emotional abuse going on there*, and she's aware of the fact. She knows that the issues with her marriage are of the 'same shit, different day' variety. She has a number of people who will with all good will take her in and help her if she ever decides to actually leave him, and again, she knows it. And I've told her that until or unless she's willing to actually DO something other than bitch and moan over the latest escapades of her drug addict husband (pain killers, natch) that I don't wanna hear it.

*Typical series of events: He pulls some major dick move and she gets all upset and threatens to leave. He comes over all lovey dovey and promises to do better, and does, and everything is kittens and rainbows and all hunky dory... for about 3 days. Then he does something stupid, likely involving law enforcement, and the assholery starts again.