The Humble Bogan

[Latekin]

Boganus Melbournii?

I promise I'll do part 2 soon, I'm just swamped at the moment!

[fireheart]

Melbournus?

Northern Territory, and I'm guessing Kakadu National Park?

You get a cookie. *passes over an Anzac cookie*

[XCashier]

Lesser Eastern Bogan (Boganus Victorius)*
*-I couldn't think of a good way to make Melbourne "Scientific."

Melbournus?

Greater Northern Bogan (Boganus Kakadu)**
**-If anyone can guess what state/town this refers to, you get a cookie.

Northern Territory, and I'm guessing Kakadu National Park?

[fireheart]

How often do they get the response (mixing Aussie and North American slang) "Doesn't matter - I'm not going to root for you"?

*groan*

I think you mean "Root with you."

Also I should divide the classes of bogan up accordingly:

Greater Western Bogan (Boganus Perthus)
Greater Southern Bogan (Boganus Adelaideus)
East South Welsh Bogan (Boganus Sydni)
Lesser Spotted Island Bogan (Boganus Hobarticus)
Lesser Eastern Bogan (Boganus Victorius)*
Far North Bogan (Boganus Brisbunius)
Greater Northern Bogan (Boganus Kakadu)**

*-I couldn't think of a good way to make Melbourne "Scientific."
**-If anyone can guess what state/town this refers to, you get a cookie.
***-This breed is often confused with the humble politician. This is not the case, rather it refers to their mating grounds.

ETA: Oops, forgot one!

The Ego Bogan (Boganus Politicanus)***

[wolfie]

Some of the older Lesser Eastern Bogans have a more sophisticated mating behaviour, and will attempt to engage a female of other species in conversation. "What team d'ya follow?" is a frequent mating call.

How often do they get the response (mixing Aussie and North American slang) "Doesn't matter - I'm not going to root for you"?

[Seshat]

The males of the Lesser Eastern Bogan are rather undiscriminating in their choice of mates, and will attempt to "pick up chicks" of non-Bogan species.

Their usual behaviour for this is to travel in drunken groups, in an old but 'done up' vehicle, and drive past women while shouting.

Mating calls are typically indistinct.



Some of the older Lesser Eastern Bogans have a more sophisticated mating behaviour, and will attempt to engage a female of other species in conversation. "What team d'ya follow?" is a frequent mating call.

[EricKei]

Looking forward to the continuation and eventual conclusion..

I had learned a great deal about this curious species, but my time with them had come to an end...I shall miss them, my Bogans in the Mist...

[fireheart]

I might add a few notes to this based on my own variations:

The Great Southern Bogan: (Bogan Adelaideus)

-The key for the younger bogans over here in terms of hair is that if they're too old for the hairstyle, they'll wear it. (for instance, frosted tips typically seen on boy-bands).
-For the girls, this typically extends to having their hair half-bleached or shaved on one side, or shaved in weird places with hair on the rest of it.
-Older bogans are typically balding, but very very tanned.
-Baseball caps are almost nearly always common with these idiots: said caps can depict ANYTHING as long as it relates to sport, cars, women or a mix of the above.
-Bogans over here are occasionally depicted with "goon bags" which is basically box wine.

The East South Welsh Bogan (Bogan Sydni)

-These guys tend to be a little more cashed up due to the influx of cash in this state.
-Bogans over here come from different races and cultures, so identifying them by skin or hair colour is a little bit harder to identify. Typically they are also big on "Roll your own" tobacco over here.

That's all I got for now.

[MoonCat]

Hell, sounds my next door neighbors (not-so-affectionately known as The Warts, or Bitchface and Blob).

[Latekin]

So, as a helpful guide to understanding the multifaceted creature known as "Bogan" to our non-Australian friends, I'm doing a little write up. Here goes.

Part 1: The Habitat and Visual Identification of the Greater Western Bogan

What is the Bogan? The Bogan is a complex and multifaceted creature endemic to just about every suburb in Australia. Today, we will be focusing on the antics of the Greater Western Bogan. Fireheart may or may not confirm the theory that this species is the same as its counterparts elsewhere in the country.

Although often compared to the American Redneck, or the Chavs of the UK, the Bogan in fact differs to its American and European cousins. The Redneck is usually a rurally dwelling species, or at least has rural ties/affectations, and the Chav is an urban creature. The Bogan is an suburban creature, feeling the need to have closer access to more pubs and taverns than a country town may provide, but still far enough from the city that they can evade overt police presence in their lives. The Bogan will still act as though they live on an isolated country property at home however, which may cause disruption to the lives of neighbors, who feel that a quarter acre property is not nearly enough space for the Bogans noisy antics.

All Bogans, regardless of subspecies, are ethnically white humans who sport a tan so dark that nearly 70% of their body will probably have skin cancer issues later in life. After this factor however, Bogan appearance can be used to classify each individual into four general subspecies.

The typical classic/older male Bogan is easily identified. Sporting a mullet, flannel shirts (known to the Bogan as Flannos) or Bintang/wifebeater singlets, his upper body is usually concealing a packet of cigarettes known as Winfield "Winnie" Blues. His pants (often shorts or badly torn jeans) carry lighters, spare change and possibly a baggie of weed. His shoes, should he choose to wear shoes, are usually flipflops or some form of workboot. He is usually refered to by his friends as a shortened version of his actual name, suck as Bazza, Daz, or Mick. An older male Bogan will probably not have more than one or two syllables in his chosen moniker, as that would make it harder for other Bogans to yell things at him when drunk.

The typical classic/older female Bogan dresses similarly to the male, although can be more often found in pyjama pants than her male counterpart. Her large perm and loud voice can make even the smallest of her kind seem much larger than she actually is. Her face seems worn and slightly leathery, and she often looks older than she actually is. She doesn't often wear shoes, but when she does, they are likely to be ugg-boots, or 'uggies.' Females of this sub-species, unlike the males, often have or use names that have at least two syllables. Examples such as Sheila, Darlene and Shazza are commonplace. Like the male, she often carries Winfield Blues and can usually be found with him out the front of her domicile smoking.

The contemporary/young male Bogan has, in most cases, done away with the dress styles of his forebears, and instead can be identified by his Billabong brand board-shorts, tattoos of the Southern Cross and Fighting Kangaroo, and near religious belief that wearing a t-shirt in public is for lesser men than himself. Hairstyles have changed here as well, as the younger Bogan is more a fan of rat-tails and whatever haircut the local Italian-Australian lads were sporting six months ago. These days the young male tends not to smoke, preferring to 'vape,' or at least attend dubiously ethnic restaurants to partake in Shisha.

The contemporary/young female bogan has done away with the eighties inspired look of her mothers day, and prefers to simply bleach her hair and grow it out as long as possible, leaving omnipresent dark roots behind. In some cases, her dark tan may in fact be fake. She often sports fashionable sunglasses and dresses in anything from dingy worn out denim jeans and t-shirts to mid-riff tops and shorty shorts. In this manner, this subspecies is much harder to identify visually than her three other relatives. Shoe wise, she deviates from the norm in some respects, as the young female often prefers gaudy, brightly coloured sandals and complicated looking boots. Ugg-boots may also be worn, but they must be more attractive than the plain brown footwear of their matriarchs. She usually also smokes, but may prefer "classier" cigarettes, usually anything slim, and can be found doing so at any pub with an outdoor area.

It should be noted that visual identification of a Bogan subspecies can become difficult with the Contemporary branch. Unlike their older peers, some can effortlessly blend in with the other subcultures inhabiting their surroundings. In part two, we look at the Bogan behavioral guide for further ways to identify a Bogan. Stay tuned!