Do I have bite marks on my a$$?

[WishfulSpirit]

(Rant Warning).

If I were able to see my tukus in the mirror, I would expect to see bite marks. Because today I got my butt chewed by both my parents and my sister.

Apparently, according to my mom and dad, having a GoFundMe campaign to ask for help to pay rent when my HUSBAND IS FRACKING DISABLED is totally inappropriate and by working two jobs and still not making it I am choosing to put them in a bad situation. They also told me I have to let them know earlier if we need help. How, exactly? I have no way of knowing how many hours Jeers is going to give me ahead of time. This week my schedule was changed six times over 4 days (including after the work week said schedule applied to had started).

My perfect sister (who, by the way, wreaked her car on a guard rail and got a brand new one bought for her by my parents) and who ignored a court summons about said wreak (which could have landed her in jail for contempt of court, except she got out of it by batting her pretty little eyelashes at the judge) had the nerve to talk to me about how "actions have consequences" and how "you have to take responsibility for your own life."

Did I mention this is the girl who has a record for shoplifting and my parents also paid for her to have her record sealed so she could get into law school? But now that she's a hot-shot lawyer she gets to tell me how to live my life.

Well she has money, so she gets control. If I want to not sleep on the sidewalk, I have to job hunt exactly the way she says I should. Same sister who asked for books on "how the rich screw the poor" for Christmas while working as an employment lawyer FOR THE COMPANIES WHO BREAK LABOR LAWS. I wonder how much she's paying her maid (yep, she has one).

Ok done, thanks for letting me vent.

[mathnerd]

Sounds like you'd be better off cutting them out of your life. Seriously. You don't need that shit.

ETA: read this website. It helped me a lot. http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com

[WishfulSpirit]

Mom and dad aren't bad, they're just worried about us and expressed it poorly. My mom is actually an amazing woman and had she not been my advocate during my rough ADHD childhood, I might not have survived it. If anything, she's TOO nice to my sister and other abrasive people.

My sister has pretty much always been a bully, but our parents are going to need us to coordinate their care within the next 10 years or so, so I feel like I have to stay on civil terms with her. At home over Christmas she will issue orders to my mom and dad as well as her fiance, all of whom meekly take it in the name of peace. If I object, I'm the one who is "causing a scene."

To be fair I do think she believes in my potential, we have had a few civil conversations and she's said I'm too articulate and too smart to be working the till for a quarter over minimum wage, but whatever better feelings she has are usually enveloped in her general abrasiveness (when I first met Hubbs, she'd make fun of him to his face and then. when neither of us were around, quiz mom about how he treated me and if he was a good influence).

I suppose being a bitch works in her profession (law is still very much the domain of men and soft-spoken ladies don't make it), but it doesn't always make her fun to be around. Especially since I have a much softer, more compassionate personality. I actually enjoy ringing the till because I like people. I want to be either a psychologist or a social worker, and know I'd be good at it.

[mathnerd]

I went back and added a link. I justified a lot of bad behavior from my family of origin for years. The website I linked to is great. Nobody should be treated the way you are being treated. There's simply no excuse.

[Tama]

I suggest a trip over to the raisedbynarcisissts subreddit.

Sounds like a class scapegoat and golden child scenario...

[Bright_Star]

You have to do what's best for you & your husband! IF they don't like the fact that you're asking for help through the internet then why don't they pitch in & give you the help that you need? They don't want to do that? Then they need to back off real quick.

[taxguykarl]

IF they don't like the fact that you're asking for help through the internet then why don't they pitch in & give you the help that you need?

That was the first thought I had when I read the OP.

[WishfulSpirit]

Well I just got all call from my Almighty Sister telling me how she works so much harder than me, how I'm a liar who isn't willing to work, how mom and dad have done SO much more for me than for her, how my husband being disabled due to getting hit by someone who ran a light is his fault, how I need to man up and grow up, how SHE isn't too good to stay up all night working (excuse me, I have a mental illness and if I go without sleep I'll end up in the hospital or the mourge), blah blah blah bitch bitch bitch so much better than you blah blah blah.

[Tama]

Aaaaaaaand the golden child has become a narcissist herself.


Just ignore her. Narcs hate that, and it's better for your sanity.

[WishfulSpirit]

Tama, I checked the list you sent me. She doesn't meet the criteria. I think she's just an American Garden Variety Bitch.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Tama, I checked the list you sent me. She doesn't meet the criteria. I think she's just an American Garden Variety Bitch.

If she heard that she would be very upset. She probably doesn't consider herself a garden variety anything.

[WishfulSpirit]

Update.

I said some really cruel things to my sister too. Including what I think about her life. She probably didn't deserve all of it. I don't think she's a bad person. She's a good daughter to our parents, a good worker, and apparently a good friend. I only see her in our parent's home over Christmas, and being back in your childhood home can turn some people right back into teenagers.

Anything she does to annoy me provokes this deep, almost uncontrollable rage. Had someone else said what she says to me, I might have blown it off and walked away, or, if happened at work, said nothing and just reported it. But when it's her, it's different. Had we been in the same room today instead of on the phone, I think I might have physically attacked her. I have a shrink appt tomorrow and I am going to speak to my therapist about how to deal with the rage. Literally nothing else gets me riled like she does.

It's worth noting that there's a lifetime of hostility and resentment on both sides in our relationship. I resented that she got an easier hand in life. She did great in school. I have multiple learning disabilities. She didn't have to go to special classes. I did. I followed mom and dad's rules, she (in my teenage perception anyway) got away with murder.

She resents me for getting more attention when we were young, since I needed a lot more help with schoolwork and more emotional support in dealing with six straight years of bullying. I dealt with my teenage insecurities by joining a cult-like church, got brainwashed, and came to believe that anyone not in "our group" was evil. I told her so, in very cruel and very hateful, (not to mention self-righteous) language, on more than one occasion. I don't really blame her for not liking me. She has no knowledge of who I am now (spiritual not religious, gay and trans rights supporter, exc).

Mom and Dad are amazing people who have helped us both, but I got more financial help. Mental illness ate 10 years of my life, and I've never been able to fully support myself. I don't blame them for being frustrated with me. I do wish they wouldn't let her push me around when we're both in their home, but I also explode at the slightest thing she says, so their advice to "let it go" may have been less "just let her say whatever she wants to you" and more "could you please calm the fuck down?"