Stood Up For The Second Time.

[Jester]

And yes, by the same girl.

Background: A woman I work with, a server at my bar, is a rather cute blonde. A couple months ago, as I was passing through work (not working that day), somehow I mentioned that I had to go for a tux fitting for my friends' wedding. Out of the blue she asked, "Do you need a date for that?” Not one to pass up a free gift from above, I said sure. I checked with my friends, of course, and they were fine with me bringing a date they didn't know to their wedding. Because they're cool as shit, and want me to be happy.

Realizing that this woman is expressing interest in me and blatantly flirting with me (I can often be oblivious to such things), I decide to try to get a date or two in before the wedding. But all of my attempts fail, usually because she's working. Whatever, I'm cool.

Day of the wedding: I'm getting ready, her texts and calls to me are of the emotional breakdown variety. Even though she's not getting married. Which is fucking weird. Contrary to my past self, which would have gotten frustrated and lashed out at her, since this whole thing was her idea, I very calmly try to talk her down, telling her to breath, and that she'll be fine. I was Doctor Soothing. Groom and friend pick me up, we drive to her place, I knock on the door.....and nothing. She doesn't answer the door, or the calls or texts. Fuck it. We roll. I'm not ruining my friends' big day for this chick. Hell no. I text her and let her know she can still show up at the church, as long as she does so by 3:00, so as to not interrupt ceremony. An hour later, she texts asking for the church location. I text it to her. She never shows.

Later, I get a text from her apologizing, asking where and when the reception is. I tell her. She never shows, I never hear from her. Whatfuckingever.

Next time we work together, she is very apologetic, saying she really wanted to go, she bought a new dress, she really wants to go out with me, and she's gonna make it up to me, and gonna take me out to dinner, her treat. Okay, fine. New Mature Jester is willing to give her another chance, though most of my friends are convinced she's a loon. A few weeks go by, we flirt heavily at work. We discuss maybe taking a trip together to Orlando, as we both love Universal, and it would be fun. I invite her to go kayaking today, a day we both have off. She agrees.

Yesterday, she says she doesn't know if she can go, because she's behind in rent, blah blah blah. I say it's no issue, that I've got her covered, and that I look forward to seeing her in a bikini. She jokes that she'll wear a thong. I express that I'm all for it.

This morning, I text her.....no response. I call her....no response. I go to her house to pick her up....she's not there. Her roommate tells me he thinks she spent the night at her ex-boyfriend's house.

And now I'm livid. I don't care that she didn't show. I don't care that she went and did whatever with her ex. But to just blow me off, and not even tell me she won't be able to make it? After what already happened with the wedding? Seriously? Fuck her. I believe in second chances, but I don't believe in thirds. At this point, at 9:00 pm, I still have not heard back from her, and I didn't text her again after I went to her place at 12:30. Still no text saying, "Oh, sorry for bailing on our plans." Just total radio silence.

So now, I'm debating what to do. Dating her is completely off the table. My bullshit meter has maxed out. But I see three options. Most of you are not going to like options 2 or 3, but they are ones I'm considering.

1. Nobility. Be the better person, and just let it go. I've been doing this for years. Im sick to death of being the better person and getting fucked over. I'm glad I usually am, but every now and then, I don't want to be.
2. Pervert. Act like nothing's wrong, and go about continuing to court her in an attempt to fuck her once or a few times. And then walking away. Cold-blooded? Sure. But I haven't gotten laid in several months, and she's cute, and why the fuck not? Still, not as cold blooded as the third idea stewing in my head.
3. Bastard. Go on the Orlando vacation with her. Fuck her. And leave her somewhere in Florida to find her own way home. This is very evil, I know. I am a vindictive bastard, and I'm pissed. And I'm trying, and failing, to find a reason not to do this. At this point, by my thinking, it's pretty much fair game.

So, feel free to fire away and tell me what to do or not to do, and now horrible some of these ideas are.

Amusingly, I work with her tomorrow, and I have no idea if I'm gonna act like nothing happened, ignore her completely, or give her the Death Stare. No idea. Tomorrow should be amusing.

[dendawg]

I say do #3. I'm not sure if you're being figurative or literal about the fucking part.

[KuariKaydrith]

I'd probably be very passive-aggressive in this situation - play it like nothing major happened but letting her know that you're not impressed by giving her little barbs that she richly deserves. Unless she has a very valid reason for bailing, such as social anxiety or something like that. But she could have at least mentioned that if it were the case.

[Aragarthiel]

I feel obligated to say #1, though I have a very good friend that would highly approve of #2. #3 seems like a bit too much, to be honest, and there's something about it that seems illegal but I can't put my finger on it.

[MoonCat]

Ok, I get it. You're super pissed. I would be, too. I would be livid.

But I still vote for #1. Because I really think that if you do either #2 or #3, you're going to end up feeling bad about it. Revenge is often not nearly as satisfying as we like to think it is. Not to mention that both 2 & 3 require her to actually SHOW UP for something, and that's not under your control. Neither is her possible reaction to any of this, and since something is obviously off kilter, you might be opening a huge can of worms if you do either of these things.

As angry as you are, and as rude as she has been, please consider that she may indeed have some kind of emotional issues. You can't know what they are. She might not be ready to talk about them. I'm thinking maybe she screwed up by accepting a commitment (which is what a date is) when she's not ready for it. Yeah, I know she asked first. Then apparently panicked, and who knows why? People can hide all kinds of trauma and/or weirdness until something triggers it.

I would stay distant and cool, not initiate any conversation at work beyond what's needed to do my job, and shut her down fast if she acted like she was angling for a date again. Obviously there is something weird going on. Your friends may be right - she might be a loon. Or she might have some kind of serious emotional shit going on, and you just got dragged into it. Back out, back off, and be glad that you didn't end up in a relationship with someone whose head is not on straight. She's not the only cute blonde in the world.

[Jester]

A few things.

When I say "fuck her," I mean literally. Might as well get something out of it, right?

Also, #3 is evil and vicious, but I can't think of anything illegal about it. Especially not if I figure out a way to leave her with her luggage, so it can't be said that I stole her stuff. That's really the only thing I could think of that could be made to stick as far as some criminal charges.

And yes, I am pissed. I am livid. This is utter bullshit.

Clearly she is having some kind of emotional issue, but I'm done being sympathetic. I was sympathetic and very patient after the wedding fiasco, and the groom actually said he was impressed that I was giving her a second chance, as he wouldn't....and he's one od the nicest guys I know. But to blow me off, to not even let me know she wouldn't be showing up, to STILL have not been in touch with me with some sort of weak explanation, to just treat me as if I'm a pile of dirty laundry to be ignored? Fuck that.

Admittedly, the third option listed above is a bit much, and it's not that I'm opposed to it on ethical or moral obligations, it just seems unlikely to work because (A) I'd have to rely on her to show up, and (B) if I didn't dump her luggage with her, a theft charge probably could be made to stick. So it's really down to these options:

--Be nice and act as if nothing happened, and avoid her.
--Be nice and act as if nothing happened, and fuck her if possible, just for the fuck of if.
--Give her the cold shoulder and the Joe Bastianich Death Glare. Which, while not nice, is totally warranted.

Regardless, should be entertaining to see how she treats it at work tomorrow. Whether she's apologetic, or avoids speaking to me, or acts as if nothing happened.

Same shame. I was beginning to think this one had a little potential. Pity.

[Kittish]

The problem I see with #3 is that karma is a bitch. And you have to work with this chick. It'd be all too easy for this to bite you in the ass as she tells everyone in earshot the story of how you just DUMPED her, hundreds of miles from home, for no goddamn reason. And people being people, will probably believe her. Which will absolutely KILL your chances of dating pretty much anyone in the area.

I'd say delete her from your universe. Just totally act as if she does not even fucking exist except for the bare minimum required to work with her. This includes failing to hear attempts at casual conversation and walking thru her if she doesn't get the hell out of your way. No death glares, just look right through her if she happens to enter your visual field.

[Seanette]

Don't you think dumping her hundreds of miles from home, in a potentially dangerous situation, is a bit over the top? Yes, she's messed up. No, I do NOT in any way approve of her conduct toward you.

Still, she didn't do anything physically hazardous to you (although I'd wonder about sleeping with someone this flaky. I'd guess she's pretty careless about avoiding STDs, too).

[Jester]

Hey, let me have my little fantasy. Because, honestly, once I've calmed down, I doubt I would actually just dump someone on the side of the road. (Notice, I say that I doubt I would, not that I absolutely wouldn't. Because, yeah, given the right circumstances, I can be that much of a bastard).

But no, #3 is unrealistic. Not because of karma or potential payback. I've been in this town longer than her, and am far better known, and anyone who wouldn't date me based on something she said wouldn't date me anyway. It's a small town, but I enjoy a good reputation as a good guy, and most people that know me either wouldn't believe that I would do something like that (because I probably wouldn't) or would think I'd need a pretty good reason to do it (because I would).

As for the death glare, it's not the "I wish you were dead" kind of glare, as much as it is the withering and dismissive "are you really still here?" look. Hard to explain, but my basically not saying dick to her at work would pretty much convey my thoughts, since we usually give each other big hugs and shit. But whatever, fuck it. I've been there a lot longer than her, and I'll be there long after her.

Amusingly, several of my coworkers liked my Facebook post about being stood up without realizing who the responsible party is, since none of them really knows we were talking about having a date, other than perhaps the one who is her roommate.

So, yeah, the abandoning her somewhere in Florida idea, while pleasing to my vindictive nature, is not really feasible. Still haven't decided among my other options, though.

[eltf177]

I would simply ignore her, not saying one word outside of necessary business. Any attempt at idle conversation on her part and I turn around and walk away. Calls and texts are not answered.

[Gizmo]

I'd honestly not put anything in her hands that gives any room to play with. Whilst I know you wouldn't do #3 don't open yourself up to questions from people when she inevitably whines about either the "taking advantage of her" or the leaving her stranded.

Best way to fight a rumour is not to allow it to start not rely on "whose bigger around here".

I'd drop her down to purely "work" and nothing else discussions and leave it be.

[mjr]

I would simply ignore her, not saying one word outside of necessary business.

I agree with this.

Ignoring someone in a situation like this could be the best "revenge" of all.

[Soulstealer]

I can see why options 2 and 3 are appealing but you realise given her past behavior that she's probably going to flake again, right? She's never going to show up, I don't know if it's some power trip for her, she's a flake, or just crazy but she'll cancel any plans you make and you're not likely to get into her pants. Hell I'm in a different country than you and you'd have a better chance of that with me (hint: I like cocktails and am a cheap drunk) :P

[Yfandes]

What if options 2 & 3 result in her becoming very attached to you (like crazy stalker attached) and she drags you into her whirlpool of crazy? I wouldn't risk it, I think there is something wrong with her and you want to distance yourself from it. I dont care if you are noble about it or not - avoid the crazy!

[Talon]

I would suggest for the sake of your vindictive side, telling the floozy exactly what you think of her. Then speak to or think of her no more.

But that might make things awkward at work. Firewalling her, saying nothing beyond required, is probably your best bet. She's not worth any more effort.