When did you or will you grow up?

[NecessaryCatharsis]

I'm 38 years old. I've lived on my own and taken care of myself financially for 23 years. I have an eight year old son, I've been raising him by myself for the last six years. I've been 5 years with my company, and 15 in my industry, with the increases in responsibilities and wages that go along with advancement in career. I have the word manager in my job title. I get called ma'am by grocery store baggers and telemarketers. I still don't feel like a proper grown up.

I have spent the last six years basing all my financial decisions on buying a house. I'm finally in a position to do it. I feel like a fraud whenever I call a realtor to arrange a showing. I've put in one offer but I was about 6 hours too late. I'm thinking I'm ready to put in another offer. I'm looking at spending six figures on my own house and still don't feel like a proper grown up, or like I'm really ready for this kind of responsibility.

Does anyone else actually feel like one? When or how did that happen?
What if I'm sixty and holding my first grandchild and still don't feel like a real adult?

[Akasa]

Sometimes I feel like I grew up at 13 when I was molested. I learned there are no safe people, and I can't trust my family.

Other times I feel like I will never grow up. I read comics, play video games, and watch anime. Don't plan on stopping.

[darkroxas45]

I just live by "Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional"

[mathnerd]

I'm 40, have three teenage boys, one of whom is less than a year away from being legally an adult, I've been married and divorced, owned a house, made life-or-death decisions for my kids, deal with intense medical issues for all three (middle kid, who previously had no health issues, decided to join in on the fun a few months ago), had two careers (teaching and banking), moved my kids clear across the country more than once, and am now a full time housewife/mother.

And I still feel like somebody's going to out me as a fraud for pretending to be an adult.

And if it makes you feel any better, Mr. Mathnerd is 62, retired, has 30-something year old daughters, has owned his house for 22 years, can legitimately use the honorific "Dr." (has a Ph.D.), and like you, has had to bury his spouse, still sometimes feels like a fraud.

[KuariKaydrith]

I've never been married even though I've been engaged three times, I've got a 24yo kid, I've owned a house and a car or three, moved across the country, have a degree, been making my own money since I was old enough to babysit, and paying bills for 20+ years...and there are days when I still don't feel like an adult.

I tell people I'm a big kid at heart, and it's not completely a lie either. I play video games, I cosplay, I read comics, I write horrible fanfiction, I play roleplaying games, and I don't look old enough to have a 24yo kid. I'm a kid in adult's clothing.

[AnaKhouri]

I'm 37, two kids (6 and 1), married 11 years, financially independent since age 22 when I graduated college, and I still don't feel like a real grown-up most of the time. I don't feel middle-aged at all. I think something about having kids around makes you feel younger, though- even though I'm responsible for them, I still enjoy playing with them (I just learned how to play the Pokemon card game, for God's sake) and sharing their wonder at the world.

[April]

I'm 35, work full time, two kids, a husband, we own our own home (with mortgage) have 2 cars (with no payments). I make responsible decisions, and I spend the majority of my day trying to teach grown adults how to adult.

And every now and again, I wonder when I feel qualified to be a grown up.

[notalwaysright]

I'm 29, no kids, no husband or SO, no house. I don't make enough to live long term (finishing school) and I'm still on my parent's cell phone plan. I don't know if I feel grown up, it's not something I think about. I actively do not want kids, so to many people I will never be a grown up. I do know that compared to many of my family and acquaintances, I'm more mature, if that makes sense.

I feel like a responsible adult... Paid for my car in cash, no debt, no big stupid mistakes in my past. I'm going to follow in my late great-aunt's footsteps, when I have a job and money, lol. She never married (except for like a year when she was in her 50s) she traveled, she studied physical therapy back when it was just becoming more widely used. When one of my uncles was born he had some problems, he was a twin and wasn't learning to walk like his brother was... Doctors wanted to put in him an institution, but my aunt worked with him and he was able to stay with my grandma. Anyway, being a "grown up" is a crazy idea promoted by people trying to force everyone into little neat boxes.

[MoonCat]

Wow, I thought it was just me! See, kids...I'm 59. Have owned my house for over 10 years. My dad's been gone since 1998, my mom since 2006. And my older brother since 2008, which makes me now the eldest of the three siblings left. And I still feel like we're three kids playing house.

I guess it's a confidence thing. If you have it, you "feel like an adult" whatever that means to each of us. If you don't, you have this feeling that some day life is gonna call your bluff

[ladydyani]

I'm 39 years old, have a 15 year old that's a junior in high school and an 18 year old who just graduated and will be going to college soon. I've been married twenty years. TWENTY YEARS!

I don't know what you just said because I was thinking about Batman.

[protege]

I turned 40 last week

But seriously, I will have been at my current job 18 years in July. Even though I've been working my ass off since I was about 10, when I got my paper route, to have spent nearly 20 years at one place is still a bit mind-boggling. Even more so when you consider that I've been with multiple companies, yet still work for the same guy.

Come September, I'll have been in my house 10 years. Still a few years to go on the mortgage. However, both cars are paid for. I don't have any school loan debt (paid off long ago). But, there is a fair amount of credit card debt that I'm trying to deal with. Nearly all of that was to pay for the many things that have blown up or broken in the past couple of years.

[TheSHAD0W]

"Impostor syndrome" is a thing lately.