Retaliatory cleaning. It's a thing!

[mathnerd]

I love Mr. Mathnerd. Really I do. But he has some traits that are less than fantastic. The big thing is that he's a borderline hoarder. When I move in almost two years ago this place was an absolute disaster. It's approximately 4500 square feet (average of the two sets of plans that do t agree with each other), with five bedrooms and three bathrooms. The main floor has the entry way, kitchen, formal and informal dining rooms and living rooms. Downstairs is a bedroom, bath, laundry too and a rec room that's larger than the three bedroom apartment I lived in in North Dakota. Upstairs are the other four bedrooms and two bathrooms. When we moved in the kitchen was usable. He had his birds, a desk and a table in he informal dining room, but there was stuff everywhere and basically paths to get around. The living room and formal dining room were completely unusable and the entry way was also piled with stuff. The rec room downstairs was also just paths around junk piles and you basically couldn't get into the three non master bedrooms upstairs. The master again was just paths around stuff. The downstairs bedroom was mostly empty and we dragged mattresses in there for the boys to sleep originally. The bathrooms were clean.

Initially I got the three upstairs bedrooms cleaned out for the boys, the living room cleaned, the dining room turned into a dining room and the informal dining room turned into an office/aviary. I made the downstairs bedroom a guest bedroom. I carved out a little space for me in the master bedroom. Oh, and the master bath was disgusting. Only the two non master baths were cleaned. It took me almost ten hours to crib down the master bath. So while I didn't get it all done, I put a hell of a lot of work into this place.

Well, the thing we fight the most about is housekeeping. While I got a hell of a lot done, my bedroom has still been a disaster as has been the rec room, plus his stuff piles started growing again. When my environment is in chaos, I don't function well. I tried explaining this to him but it's fallen on deaf ears. It's a source of much tension.

So he's out of town this week. I've been revenge cleaning. The rec room is now two separate living spaces and looks fantastic. I rearranged the living room so it's also two spaces (tv area and music area). Then I got the stuff liked in the dining room and the office organized again. Today I started on our bedroom. There was a corner so liked up with stuff (and at least six inches of dust) that o had no idea it was actually a vanity/dressing area! I've cleaned up and stored his piles of stuff. It's a room again, not a space with one foot wide paths to get from the door to the bed and bathroom.

He's going to freak out, but I don't really care. If he's going to bitch at me for not keeping the house clean, I'm going to make it so I can actually keep it clean. I haven't thrown anything away (most of the stuff in that vanity corner belonged to his late wife. A lot of it is now packed away, but her jewelry boxes are cleaned and on display). I'm honestly doing all this out of revenge. It might not be the best thing to do, but boy does it make me feel better.

[MoonCat]

Can't say I blame you. I will be the first to admit that I am not very domestic. I hate cleaning, and I can live with a certain amount of clutter. I would have less clutter, but not all of the stuff around here belongs to me, and I can't toss out things that don't belong to me. We are getting better at it, little by little. I like open space around me, moreso as I get older, but I find it very hard to part with things that have a history. Silly, I know.

I think there is a certain amount of comfort in being surrounded by stuff, for some people. The weird thing is that you can have too much stuff and still be a neat freak about certain things. But it's not fair for him to nag you about cleaning and yet expect piles of clutter to be off limits. I hope you can have a conversation with him about this that clarifies things for both of you, and come to an understanding.

[mathnerd]

Yeah, I won't throw anything away, but I can organize the stuff and condense it so it's not quite so overwhelming. And I can get rid of the dust. OMG, the dust was awful. Like literally inches thick kind of awful. But I'm now done with my bedroom. I'm very happy with it. He's going to flip out, but he'll get over it. I know where I stuck every last item, and it's all still in our bedroom, just not all over the floor.

[greek_jester]

You're a lot more understanding than me. If he moaned about the cleaning I would give him two choices; bin all his crap so that cleaning was easy, or keep the crap and clean himself.

[mjr]

Is he disorganized, too? It sounds like he may be. Sometimes people who are disorganized have trouble cleaning (and obviously, organizing). Have you tried a Kanban system? If you do a Google search for "Personal Kanban", you'll likely find links that show you how to do it.

It can be a very effective system, and it's VERY easy to implement. And the great thing is, it would cost you little to no money to set up and get started. There are even websites built specifically for Kanban. Kanban Pad is one such website.

I find it very hard to part with things that have a history. Silly, I know.

We kinda have this problem at my house. I mean, unless it's completely an accident, my wife and I are done having kids. In fact, I think I'm going to mention "the snip" again to her this year.

Anyway, we've got a garage. It's stuff in it from when our son was a baby/toddler. NONE of it fits, and we aren't going to be using any of it. I want to just give it to a charity or a church or Goodwill or something, but my wife wants to hang onto it. ALL of it. We still have his baby swing and high chair, too. His crib (and mattress) are disassembled and leaning against the wall in the garage. We still have his stroller and carrier.

There's crap of mine in there, too. But I'm much more willing to part with it. Some I can't decide if I want to throw away or sell (Anybody want a Dale Earnhardt, Sr. Wall Clock?? Or the Elvis National Enquirer?? I think I have one...). It's really just a matter of me taking the time to get my happy butt out there and doing it. A lot of it is clothing. The thing with her clothing is that she wants to keep it because she says she's deluded herself into thinking she'll fit back into it one day.

My crap. Some of it is yard work stuff (mower, fertilizer, weed eater, edger), but some of it is old stuff, like an old DVD player, old magazines, things like that.

[Kanalah]

Both my parents are hoarders. Both blamed me for the mess while I was the only one cleaning.

Now that I'm on my own, I refuse to live in a cluttered house. I do a yearly purge and donate, but the kids are now old enough to decide what/now much of their own stuff to donate. I try not to buy "junk" in the first place, but that can be difficult sometimes.

[mathnerd]

Mr. Mathnerd is probably going to have a few uncomfortable days when he gets back, as having that stuff around is probably comforting to him, as somebody mentioned. I dug up some pictures I took when I moved in. I will post them in a little bit. Unfortunately, I don't have a picture of the master bedroom before yesterday. I wish I did, but thee few that I've taken on there were carefully framed to hide the mess. It's still not perfect, but it's the best I can do without actually getting rid of stuff (like grocery receipts from 2001....why!?!?!)

ETA: I'm very good at this sort of thing. I grew up helping my parents with their rentals and did more than a few disaster clean ups when horrible tenants moved out, plus cleaning up the disaster of 27 rental houses in the aftermath of hurricane Andrew. I've also done a few hoarding clean ups for friends/their families. I'm good enough that I've occasionally considered making a business out of it.

[mathnerd]

Okay, I don't have any pictures of my bedroom, but here's what it looks like now. The vanity in the one corner was completely obscured. I didn't even realize it was there, that's how bad it was. There was so much stuff on the floor that you couldn't get to the white dressers, and everything was covered in a thick layer of dust. It was actually so much dust that I had to empty my vacuum cleaner twice. (The vanity is behind the clothes hanging on the pull-up bar...apparently I don't have a picture with that clear...getting those clothes into the closet is the next step).

[mathnerd]

And a few before/after pictures of the the rec room, living room and dining room (the "before" pictures are from when I moved in almost two years ago):

Rec Room (before)



Dining room before (though I had been working on it for about an hour before I thought to take pictures)



Living room (before)

[mathnerd]

And "after"

The living room had been done previously, but I re-did it. I rearranged the furniture so there's a more cozy TV area, then made a little live music nook. It works well and I really like it. In the rec room we also made two separate areas. Behind the blue bench is a home gym and a little sewing area, and off to the right in the foreground is a bar with a sink, mini-fridge and microwave. We didn't put the alcohol back. That's still locked away in my bedroom closet because teenagers.

Rec Room now



Dining room now



Living room now

[mjr]

I'm good enough that I've occasionally considered making a business out of it.

You could probably make a good amount doing that. Why not try to pursue it?

[mathnerd]

You could probably make a good amount doing that. Why not try to pursue it?

I honestly have no clue how to get started. This house is the only one where I have at least some pictures of what I can do. I don't have the first idea how to get clients.

[mjr]

I honestly have no clue how to get started. This house is the only one where I have at least some pictures of what I can do. I don't have the first idea how to get clients.

One suggestion: Guerrilla Marketing

Another: Viral Marketing

And the Kanban thing I suggested earlier was something you could possibly try to implement for Mr. Mathnerd -- not yourself.

You'll probably have to look into getting a DBA (Doing Business As) or Assumed Name Certificate (whatever it's called in your area). They're usually relatively inexpensive, and you should be able to either get them from your local Chamber of Commerce, or they would be able to tell you where/how to get them. Here where I live, they're something like $25. Something is better than nothing, but it's cheaper than an LLC, which will probably run you around $300 or so.

Consider what you're selling, too. Look at it from an "outside the box" perspective. Here's an example. Where I work, there's a guy near here who shines shoes. But he's not really selling that service. He's selling confidence, and image.

You'd probably also need to have some sort of business strategy, at least in your head. Biz cards and/or a newspaper ad might work. If you have a county newspaper, and you're willing to drive within your county, see how much it costs to place an ad there.

Getting the word out would be the hard part, but maybe you could canvas your neighborhood, or rely on the ad in the newspaper.

Just suggestions.

You could even use the web. If you've got FaceBook/Instagram/Whatever, post before/after pictures. Maybe do a video.

Maybe at some point you could work toward a subscription-based (or not) website that offers tips to keep their houses clean once you get it that way. Or even set it up where you contract out to come back every month, two months, whatever to "maintain" the cleanliness.

[notalwaysright]

My parents had a period of "retaliatory throwing away." It wasn't a super fun time for me, living at home. It started with some flowers which were leaning into the walkway between the house and garage. Apparently gladiolus lightly touching my step-dad's ankles was unacceptable. He pulled them up and threw them away. This upset my mom, who was irritated that my step-dad kept leaving his dress shoes in front of the door, basically tripping anyone going in or out of the house. So when my mom saw what he did to her flowers, she stomped back to the house and threw out his shoes. This went on for a while, I don't remember how it ended.

I live in about 435 sq ft. Mostly the place stays clean, but I hate when I let cleaning slide. It's such a small space, it starts to look terrible immediately. On the plus side, it doesn't take too much time to clean. I feel so much better when the place is clean. I have a giant pile of fabric that I need to give away, and it's just sitting in my already small living room, mocking me.

If you wanted, you could start a blog. People would follow you, and that would be a start.

[mjr]

If you wanted, you could start a blog. People would follow you, and that would be a start.

Not to mention, with enough of a following, blogs can be monetized.