Ashtray on Wheels

[Ben_Who]

Roommate hates smokers. He's actually kind of irrational in his hatred; he's the kind of drama queen who'll wave his hand and cough if he has to walk within 20 feet of a smoker, even outside on a windy day. I recently had to tell him that if he got into a fistfight for smoke-shaming, he was on his own. He was shocked I wouldn't back him up, but you gotta pick your battles.

So why did he buy a car that was owned by a smoker?

He bought this Camry two years ago that seemed to have been owned by someone incapable of breathing without a cigarette in his mouth. The dealership was helpless to remove the smell of smoke that permeated every inch of the car and anything that was inside it for longer than 15 minutes, including (cough) passengers. My mother has chainsmoked for fifty years; nothing she owns stinks so bad. I can't even ride in it; it's the perfect migraine cultivator.

Funny thing is, he doesn't seem to notice it.

By that, I mean he tried a few things to get rid of the smell. The rows of air fresheners lined up on the dashboard do exactly dick, except now you're inhaling cloying chemicals in addition to your tobacco salad. The fabric softener trick worked, but only temporarily. When I pointed out that his car was giving me a headache again, he looked at me bewildered and said, "Really?"

I'm going to check the cabin filter on it; maybe the dealership didn't change it. It's summer; fans are running again, if the cabin filter's the problem, that's a cheap fix. Frankly, I was surprised the dealership didn't do more. I don't know the history of the car, but they sure saw Roommate coming.

[bbbr]

As crazy as it sounds, try leaving a package of Oreo Cookies open in the car. I've used them to de-oderize a freezer that lost power with meat in it- it stripped out the rancid meat smell when nothing else would, including multiple bleachings and several boxes of baking soda. A friend tasted them after a month on a bet and threw up from the "meat" taste...

[MoonCat]

someone incapable of breathing without a cigarette in his mouth

That would be my neighbor, Princess Bitchface. When she finally keels over from cig-induced disease(s)--I figure before she turns 40, judging by her cig intake--the funeral home will have to embalm her with a cig in her mouth and her cell phone stuck to her ear.

[XCashier]

As crazy as it sounds, try leaving a package of Oreo Cookies open in the car. I've used them to de-oderize a freezer that lost power with meat in it- it stripped out the rancid meat smell when nothing else would, including multiple bleachings and several boxes of baking soda.

Bizarre. I know that leaving a peeled raw onion in a freshly-painted room gets rid of the paint smell; I wonder if that would work in the car as well? It'd be a shame to waste good cookies...

[Rosco the Iroc]

Maybe the new myth busters will test these

[Ben_Who]

As crazy as it sounds, try leaving a package of Oreo Cookies open in the car. I've used them to de-oderize a freezer that lost power with meat in it- it stripped out the rancid meat smell when nothing else would, including multiple bleachings and several boxes of baking soda. A friend tasted them after a month on a bet and threw up from the "meat" taste...

Yeah, my roommate would just eat the cookies.

I know that baking soda is awesome for actually absorbing and neutralizing smells, as opposed to just burying them under something marginally more pleasant. He's had the car a while now, so the fact that the smell is being continually replenished indicates that whatever's causing it hasn't been "reached" yet, which sort of eliminates the upholstery as a cause. The car WAS fine for months...

That would be my neighbor, Princess Bitchface. When she finally keels over from cig-induced disease(s)--I figure before she turns 40, judging by her cig intake--the funeral home will have to embalm her with a cig in her mouth and her cell phone stuck to her ear.

I knew a girl in college like that. She would chainsmoke cigarettes without even realizing it for three or four hours, and then wonder why her lungs hurt.

I have nothing against smokers in the abstract; she had...other reasons why I disliked her intently.

[MadMike]

My ex was (probably still is) a heavy smoker. She's one of those people who apparently can't do anything in moderation. One day, after we were no longer together, she came to pick up our son to spend time with him. After she got him in the car, he motioned for me to come to the side so he could give me a hug. When I opened the door, the stench almost knocked me off my feet.

The car got repo'ed a few days later, because she wasn't making the payments. I can't imagine they were too happy to get it back in that condition.