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  • #1

    Tired of Adulting Now

    So, my brother sort of did a surprise drop dead last May, leaving me to sort out his estate and become my Mom's guardian .... believe me, I have wanted to dig him up, resurrect him and kill him again more than once [MAKE A DAMNED WILL, DON'T DIE INTESTATE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MONTRESSOR!!!!!!!]

    So I got a call yesterday morning letting me know my Mom passed quietly in her sleep. Not entirely unexpected as she was 93 [Damn you, Death, you couldn't have held off for 22 days to let her die after she made 94?] SHe was well down the path of Alzheimers and was more or less a brainless lump or protoplasm and I *know* my mom [the one who raised me, and dealt with all my skinned knees and lost toys and puppy love heartbreaks] wasn't actually in that body ... but still, there is a fair bit of private mourning going along. Mom, Dad and my brother are gone and I am now an orphan even though I am 55 ...

    So the really nice guy that was my Dad's executor is my Mom's executor [and he owns a bar, every time I go there on estate business about my Dad's estate he plies me with drinks ...] but I still have to scrounge up all the paperwork. At least with it being tax season I am not the one dealing with her taxes, and all the paperwork has been trickling in for the past month. And I grew up with the funeral director, so he made the funeral planning seriously easy - and he understands my style of black humor so we sat around and traded dead people jokes for a while.
    EVE Online: 99% of the time you sit around waiting for something to happen, but that 1% of action is what hooks people like crack, you don't get interviewed by the BBC for a WoW raid.
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  • #2
    Quoth AccountingDrone View Post
    ... MAKE A DAMNED WILL ...
    Dunno, sounds like a good way to make sure my daughter follows my last wishes...

    I told her to put my ashes in the cat box...
    I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
    Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
    Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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    • #3
      Quoth AccountingDrone View Post
      ... MAKE A DAMNED WILL ...
      And make sure your executor knows where it is. When my mom died, we had no idea where her will was. We eventually found it, but by that time, her estate was already in probate. And it basically told us to do what we did anyway.

      I'm glad to read that you've got good people to rely on. That always helps.
      "I look at the stars. It's a clear night and the Milky Way seems so near. That's where I'll be going soon. "We are all star stuff." I suddenly remember Delenn's line from Joe's script. Not a bad prospect. I am not afraid. In the meantime, let me close my eyes and sense the beauty around me. And take that breath under the dark sky full of stars. Breathe in. Breathe out. That's all."
      -Mira Furlan

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      • #4
        I offer my condolences and my biggest hugs.

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        • #5
          My condolences on your losses -- and a bit of a smile, knowing that she can finally rest.
          "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
          "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
          "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
          "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
          "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
          "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
          Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
          "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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          • #6
            (((HUGS))) Loss is hard, whether it's expected or not...and having to deal with the "cleanup" of all the paperwork and legal stuff just makes it that much worse. My dad is in assisted living but I'm his power of attorney and health care surrogate. He has an up-to-date will, fortunately, though he doesn't have much - mostly money in the bank.

            As for me and my own end game plans, I have to figure them out. I have no living children, but I do have my daughter's ashes. Maybe I can get someone (my brother's family maybe) to scatter mine and hers together somewhere. In all seriousness I would like to be cremated but after that I don't care where my leftovers go...whatever the people I tag request to handle this stuff feel is right. I probably won't have much in the way of material property and definitely not much money left for anyone to deal with.
            Last edited by BeenThereDoneThat; 02-04-2017, 03:12 AM. Reason: Fixed confusing wording
            "I was only LOOKING, I didn't mean to enter my card's CVV and actually ORDER! REFUND ME RIGHT NOW!!"

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            • #7
              I'm so sorry AD. It is a loss no matter what her state of mind was.
              "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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              • #8
                I am so sorry for your losses.

                Yes, people really need to MAKE A WILL ... and don't leave it sitting on top of your dresser *ahem* ... ... Apparently I need to take myself off to a hardware store in the near future and buy one of those fireproof cases.

                My mom's got some form of dementia as well, so I have some idea of what that's like. I don't know if she actually knows who I am, although I think she recognizes me as a familiar face ... but yeah, the person I knew as "Mom" is fast going away.
                Customer service: More efficient than a Dementor's kiss
                ~ Mr Hero

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                • #9
                  Thanks all ...

                  Rob and I want to be cremated, and our ashes put into a TDU can and dropped somewhere deep, preferably north of the arctic circle.
                  EVE Online: 99% of the time you sit around waiting for something to happen, but that 1% of action is what hooks people like crack, you don't get interviewed by the BBC for a WoW raid.

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                  • #10
                    I'm just now reading this.

                    I'm sorry for your loss.

                    /hugs

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                    • #11
                      My deepest sympathies for your loss.

                      Quoth AccountingDrone View Post
                      I *know* my mom [the one who raised me, and dealt with all my skinned knees and lost toys and puppy love heartbreaks] wasn't actually in that body
                      I know what you mean. I felt the same way when my Mom's dementia went off the deep end.

                      Good luck with all the paper work.
                      Life is too short to not eat popcorn.
                      Save the Ales!
                      Toys for Tots at Rooster's Cafe

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                      • #12
                        Again, thanks.

                        I think dementia/alzheimer's is a particularly evil plight. I don't know about anybody else, but I feel that having my mind and self effectively stolen from me horrific. With my luck, they will discover a perfect cure next month that would have given me my mom back *sigh*
                        EVE Online: 99% of the time you sit around waiting for something to happen, but that 1% of action is what hooks people like crack, you don't get interviewed by the BBC for a WoW raid.

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                        • #13
                          Quoth AccountingDrone View Post
                          I think dementia/alzheimer's is a particularly evil plight. I don't know about anybody else, but I feel that having my mind and self effectively stolen from me horrific.
                          It is horrible. I saw my grandmother go through it, and it was just awful.

                          My sympathies for your losses.
                          I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                          My LiveJournal
                          A page we can all agree with!

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                          • #14
                            I'm so sorry! *gives hugs*

                            This reminds me that I really should get to it with getting a will and everything taken care off.
                            Eh, one day I'll have something useful here. Until then, have a cookie or two.

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