Grandma is dying

[XCashier]

{{{Kanalah}}} I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Kanalah]

Thanks guys.

Mom and moocher Uncle have already had 2 fights. One to hire a lawyer because the will "isn't clear" (Everything split equally between the two of them.) And another over the Obit (which thankfully was resolved this morning) Uncle wanted the obit to say "in lieu of gifts, please send checks to: his address" Classy, right?

Grandma prepaid for her service, and we're all having a family luncheon before the funeral. I hope they can be civil. Hubs promised to defend me if they start getting snarky.

[Pixelated]

I hope the luncheon goes peacefully. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Tama]

It doesn't matter how much Moocher Uncle gets left...it won't be enough. The good news is at least your family's ire will aimed at him then.

[Teysa]

I am so sorry for your loss, Kanalah.

[Nunavut Pants]

Funny coincidence--my grandma died last Saturday. Her lungs filled up with fluid, she went into a coma, and then she was gone. Didn't have time to get to La-La Land to say goodbye. She was my last remaining biological grandparent, my late father's mother.

[Kanalah]

Funeral is over and I'm exhausted. We were shunned by my family. They refused to speak to us or sit by us. We were told by the ushers that we had to sit in the "friends" section of the church. I overheard several passive aggressive comments over my shoulder, which I'm sure was done on purpose. I was told I didn't love Gma because I wasn't crying, then I was called fake and over dramatic because I was crying. Thank god I don't have to deal with family for at least 6 months, hopefully longer.

[eltf177]

My deepest condolences, Kanalah. Funerals of loved ones are hard enough without greedy and/or self-centered relatives to deal with...

[AccountingDrone]

Serious sympathy for you - I am in the same boat - my mom stopped recognizing me about 2 and a half years ago, and finally passed Jan 31st. I caused a *lot* of negative chatter in town [don't you just lurve small towns? *sigh*] because I left for a cruise on the 12th that we had been planning and was paid for back in August [25th wedding anniversary.] Sorry I didn't feel up to adulting after spending since last MAY when my brother died dealing with his legal issues while trying to gain her guardianship from the state because my brother was her guardian and died suddenly without reassigning guardianship to me ... and I feel that I have been mourning my mom's loss for over 2 years already, and my husband is still alive, and we are important to each other. I am the last person in my family other than some cousins alive. Screw you if you think I don't miss my mom, but I am alive and have a life.

People seem to feel that life has to stop and freeze in the whole sack cloth and ashes mourning when not everybody mourns the same way. I am horribly sorry your remaining family seem to be assholes, but I don' think anything you could have done would have made them happy or change anything. Mourn in your own way and in your own time.

[Kanalah]

They aren't my family. They don't love me and don't know how to act like a family. Which is sad. I wish they could understand, but for my sanity I have to avoid them as much as I can.

[Pixelated]

*snip* ... and I feel that I have been mourning my mom's loss for over 2 years already *snip*

Ditto here. My Mom's still alive but the person I knew as "Mom" has been drifting further and further away for the past four or five years. I have no idea whether she actually knows who I am anymore, or whether I'm just a vaguely familiar face. Kudos to you for taking that cruise!

Kanalah, I'm sorry about your family's attitude. Obviously no matter what you did it would've been the wrong thing. Best thing is to do what you're doing: avoid them any time you can.

[Kristev]

I feel terrible for you, Kanalah, and quite disgusted with your 'family'. If you need emotional support, don't hesitate to ask.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

So sorry for your loss, Kanalah

As for the rest of your family: time has a way of taking care of things. And sometimes the less said to them, the better for your sanity.

We're all here for you. Just take one day at a time and whatever way of coping (or mourning) works best for you, do that. There's no one size fits all approach when it comes to death.

[protege]

We were shunned by my family. They refused to speak to us or sit by us. We were told by the ushers that we had to sit in the "friends" section of the church.

Pardon my French, but that's pretty fucked up

I overheard several passive aggressive comments over my shoulder, which I'm sure was done on purpose.

Unfortunately, this shit is pretty common. Tragedy tends to bring out the worst in people, especially family. When my dad's mom died in 2014, my aunt (his half sister) thought it was appropriate to bait my mom into some sort of "armed confrontation." Keep in mind that it would have been pretty one-sided--my mom might be in her late 60s, but she has a black belt in hapkido, and has taken some judo. Piss her off, and she'll put you to sleep or drop you on your ass But seriously, my aunt was not only trying to bait her, but was talking shit on everyone. She wasn't the only one--her second husband (who is not my uncle, and I refuse to call him that), was also talking shit.

I was told I didn't love Gma because I wasn't crying, then I was called fake and over dramatic because I was crying.

Again, that's pretty fucked up. Nobody has the right to tell someone else how, or the proper length of time to grieve. I didn't cry at my paternal grandmother's funeral, and my dad did make a couple of comments about it. I just wasn't as upset when she died, as I was when my mom's mother died. I didn't stop crying when she died in 2010, at 93 years old. There's not a day that goes by without thinking of her.

Thank god I don't have to deal with family for at least 6 months, hopefully longer.

That's probably a good thing...lest you strangle them But seriously, sorry for your loss, and take care of yourself.