Facebook hilarity

[Food Lady]

Is he related to Mr. Dumass?

I forgot about that one!

[Ironclad Alibi]

That last one -- it's pronounced "Az-WEE-pay," right?

Is he related to Mr. Dumass?

[MoonCat]

OMG

[EricKei]

That last one -- it's pronounced "Az-WEE-pay," right?

[Eireann]

One of my Facebook friends is a guy I don't know personally, but he was born and raised in my hometown, and we have several friends in common.

This guy also has a WICKED sense of humor.

He ran across one of those sites where you enter your surname, and the site spits out some prefabricated bullshit about what your name means.

Well. This guy decided to have some fun with it, and he posted his results:

COCKRING
Since 1461

If you ever wanted a job done properly the first time, you always called an Cockring. People with the last name Cockring were renowned for their conscientiousness, efficiency, and careful attention to detail. Royalty hired them for their most important tasks, causing the name Cockring to be associated with a job well done.

TURDSLURPER
Since 1141

Turdslurper was once a synonym for compassion. To be a Turdslurper was to find joy in the happiness of others and to lend a helping hand if others are in a time of need or a shoulder to cry on if they are in a time of heartbreak.

ASSWIPE
Since 1578

The last name Asswipe was only ever given to individuals who demonstrated perseverance even in the most difficult of circumstances. Someone with the last name Asswipe wouldn't give up on a task if their first tries were unsuccessful. Instead, they would keep trying different solutions and work tirelessly until they met their goals.