Looking forward to hearing the explanation this time

[Pixelated]

I went to buy a copy of today's paper to get a copy of Mom's obituary. I checked the paper first.

The obituary isn't there.

This is the second Saturday in a row in which her obituary is not in the paper.

Nor is it on the funeral home's website. I did a search and all I came up with was the obituary of an uncle who died several months ago.

The first time, the person we were dealing with at the funeral home said she didn't get it. Okay, that's believable ... her email to me, asking where it was, was found later in my 'Spam' folder. So it's definitely possible that the internet ate my email.

However, when I re-sent it (and the accompanying photo), I received a return email from her confirming that she'd received it.

That was six days ago.

And the obituary is still not where it's supposed to be.

I tried calling the paper but of course their offices are closed for the weekend.

I sent the email to my brother and sister as well, since I'm sure they'll be interested to hear her response. It's short and fairly curt: "We'd like to know why [Mom's] obituary is still not in [Hometown newspaper] and still not up on your website." No "Thank you" or anything like that, because at this point, there's nothing to thank them for.

It's making me paranoid enough to wonder if we're actually going to get Mom's ashes back, or just some dust and fluff that they got while cleaning up, along with some gravel to ensure an appropriate weight.

[csquared]

I am so glad that my Dad had made all the arrangements before he died. Even the obituary. And my siblings got to take care of the rest.

Funeral homes probably get the short end way more than they deserve. Someone has lost a loved one. They are grieving. The slightest mistake and they bite your head off. You would think that they would be extra vigilant of the routine processes.

[Pixelated]

I'm truly glad that your dad's arrangements worked out well, but pre-arrangements are no guarantee of a smooth operation when it's needed. A couple of days ago I watched an episode of one of my favourite YouTube people (the series is called "Ask a Mortician" ) and she was talking about a funeral home in Toronto that tried to gouge a family out of $6,000 to $7,000 worth of more "stuff" despite the deceased having prepaid for exactly what he wanted a few decades ago. AND of course they used intimidation, guilt-tripping and just plain fakery to try to swing the family around to buying all this extra stuff.

The company's CEO refused to return a family member's phone calls ... until a story appeared in The Toronto Star, which included an interview with her ... "Hi, you saw the story in the paper this morning? I'm the person they interviewed. You sure you still don't want to talk to me?"



I wanted my email to indicate that we are quite pissed off -- although, at this moment, not necessarily at her. But somebody has definitely fallen down on the job. If it were up on their website but not in the paper, I'd be more inclined to think that the paper screwed up, but since it's not even up on the funeral home's own website yet, it does seem as if somebody in the company has dropped the ball.

[Victory Sabre]

When my dad tragically died back in February (traumatic brain injury from slipping and falling on the ice in the driveway after an ice storm), he had his wishes written down on paper. He wanted to not be cremated - he wanted the most basic casket - no funeral - basic burial, with family only in the family cemetery. We took that info to the funeral home, and they followed his wishes to the letter. They made that horrible time for his loved ones a whole lot easier by helping us follow his wishes after he died, and not adding on anything he didn't want. They were willing to get an honor guard, at no cost, since he was a Marine, but he wouldn't have wanted that, so we declined.

After reading your story, I realize how lucky we were, at such a vulnerable time.

[Pixelated]

I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm glad everything went smoothly. I do think that most places these days are honest. It's just if you get stuck with one of the ones that isn't, you have to be on your toes, and of course that can be difficult at such a time.

So far, thankfully, we've no evidence that the funeral home is trying to graft on extra charges. No idea what the urn costs, of course (for some reason they don't have prices in the catalogues ... ) but whatever it is, that'll be my doing and not theirs.

The memorial service isn't until October, so it's not like we're rushed for time, thank goodness. We just want to know what the devil's going on.

[Android Kaeli]

I'm so sorry for your loss. *gives hugs*

When my mom got her cremation paid for a couple of years before she died, I was [and am] thankful that everything went smoothly in that regard. You might want to give the funeral home a call to see what the prices on urns are, or at least to in and see what your choices are and the prices on them. Be careful, though, as the smaller urns might be more expensive then the larger ones.

[Pixelated]

I've already picked out an urn, so ... whatever the price, we are stuck with it. It was beautiful and I also needed the largest one I could find that would fit in the niche, as her beloved dog's ashes are to be poured in there too ... and the dog was a German Shepherd cross.

No response to my email as of 6 p.m. I don't work at the store tomorrow, so I will drop in there in person and ask -- politely -- WTF is going on.

[MoonCat]

I'm sorry for your loss, and sorry the obit hasn't appeared. I would check with the editorial dept at the newspaper; ask to speak to whoever handles obits. It is possible that they may have received it and had reasons why the editor declined to run it. Of course it's also possible that the funeral home did not send it to them, and shame on them if that's the case.

[AccountingDrone]

Sorry for your loss [and everybody else ... everybody will lose someone eventually. It never really gets any easier but knowing someone is sympathetic does seem to help.]

Sorry you are having such a hard time with your funeral home. We have a great one here, the guy is about my age and his son works with him and they didn't blink an eye when I provided my brothers favorite sneekers, ball cap, jeans and tie dyed shirt, and he was viewed with a can of beer, his Ipod, zippo lighter from Dad [WW2 infantry issue] and a pinch hitter. My mom was buried in her favorite velour athletic suit, comfy shoes and with her teddy bear from when she was a baby.

See, my brother was the casual type, he probably would have come back to haunt me if I tried having him buried in a suit ... and mom was the casual comfy sort as well. Dad got a 'state funeral' with hundreds of people showing up [he was a heavy hitter in the business and political communities] and the full on formal black suit and shined leather shoes was the right choice for him ...

And they let me provide a burned CD of their favorite music to play in the back ground ... Danny got a bunch of assorted rock, Mom got Vivaldi's 4 seasons, and some Resphigi [fountains of Rome]

[Pixelated]

I'm sorry for your loss, and sorry the obit hasn't appeared. I would check with the editorial dept at the newspaper; ask to speak to whoever handles obits. It is possible that they may have received it and had reasons why the editor declined to run it. Of course it's also possible that the funeral home did not send it to them, and shame on them if that's the case.

Thank you, MoonCat.

It would appear that the funeral home fell down on the job ... specifically, the person we had dealt with. I walked in today to ask about the obit; the rep we had dealt with wasn't there so I spoke to the man who was sitting behind the counter. I did mention the initial screwup, which I don't blame on anybody, but I also said I had re-sent both the obit and photo well over a week ago now, and it was not on either their website nor was it in the paper. The man clicked through a few screens (I'm guessing, as I could not see the monitor) and said they did not have an obit for Mom. So it looks as though the rep never forwarded it. She was at a different site today and he said he would contact her and she would get back to us.

Sorry for your loss [and everybody else ... everybody will lose someone eventually. It never really gets any easier but knowing someone is sympathetic does seem to help.]

Sorry you are having such a hard time with your funeral home. We have a great one here, the guy is about my age and his son works with him and they didn't blink an eye when I provided my brothers favorite sneekers, ball cap, jeans and tie dyed shirt, and he was viewed with a can of beer, his Ipod, zippo lighter from Dad [WW2 infantry issue] and a pinch hitter. My mom was buried in her favorite velour athletic suit, comfy shoes and with her teddy bear from when she was a baby.

See, my brother was the casual type, he probably would have come back to haunt me if I tried having him buried in a suit ... and mom was the casual comfy sort as well. Dad got a 'state funeral' with hundreds of people showing up [he was a heavy hitter in the business and political communities] and the full on formal black suit and shined leather shoes was the right choice for him ...

And they let me provide a burned CD of their favorite music to play in the back ground ... Danny got a bunch of assorted rock, Mom got Vivaldi's 4 seasons, and some Resphigi [fountains of Rome]

Thank you, AccountingDrone. You are right, even the fact that we knew this was coming didn't make it any easier when it happened.

So far, as far as we can tell, the obit is the only bump in the road in our dealings with this funeral home. I brought clothes in for Mom and as with your mom and brother, Mom was into casual stuff. So I brought sweatpants, a T-shirt with a wolf on it, and a very battered and worn sweatshirt -- that I'm pretty sure was given to her by her very good friend in Michigan, who predeceased her by some years. It had crossed Canadian-American flags and read "Standing together" or something similar; it was made up after the Sept. 11 attacks. Never heard anything about the clothing (there was no final viewing prior to cremation, but I'd have brought the same clothes even if there had been.) The obit photo is kind of silly: Mom is wearing a Cat-in-the-Hat type of hat and hugging a couple of chihuahuas (I think) and grinning into the camera (that would've been when she was doing volunteer work for a local animal rescue group). Nobody has said anything about the photo; if somebody does have a problem with it, I'd hope they would just tell us and not keep dragging their feet on this. But I have the feeling it just slipped the rep's mind. We shall see.

No pressure to use an expensive casket for the cremation, no pressure to embalm, nothing like that. It was "What would you like, and we'll offer some suggestions as to how we can meet your wishes." Generally a good place to do business with ... IF they can just fix this obit mess.

[Pixelated]

Obit is up on the website. I could wish they hadn't blown up the photo quite so much or cropped it quite so tightly (pretty sure it's a Polaroid so it wasn't nearly of good enough quality for either, and the end result is a rather blurry photo) but that is mere quibbling.

Haven't heard anything directly from the rep, though. Would have been nice to get a text or email saying, "Whoops, my bad, sorry!"

Now let's see if it shows up in Saturday's paper ...

[apocolypse101]

No idea what the urn costs, of course (for some reason they don't have prices in the catalogues ... ) but whatever it is, that'll be my doing and not theirs.

Just remember the famous maxim by J.P. Morgan, "If you have to ask how much it costs, you can't afford it."

Seriously though, sorry for your loss.