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Back in January, I met another American woman who had some good tips on where to look for steady work. She gave me her email address and phone number, and when I emailed her later, she told me about a company that might be looking for people.
As it turned out, she was right. I've been doing work for them since February.
I sent her a friend request on Facebook, which she accepted.
This woman... well. She's very generous. When I told her I was going to have surgery, she volunteered to get groceries for me, come and visit me, etc. I was very appreciative of these offers. She called me when I was in the hospital to make sure I was all right. We had tentative plans for her to visit me, but on the appointed day, I was too tired to answer the phone. This was fortunate, since a truly nasty storm hit that day, and she would have been caught out in it.
She's called me a few times since then. She asked me how I was, then told me about her health problems and how awful it was trying to find the right treatment - first in the States, then here. Then she talked about how people were so awful to her in the medical profession. She talked about how bad her life is in general (not in so many words, but that was the gist of it).
She called me today. We talked about the usual stuff, and then her conversation just got more and more negative. Everyone was awful to her. Nobody would help. And on and on.
Finally, I said that the conversation was just too negative, and suggested that we talk about something else. I pointed out that if I wanted negativity, I could just go online. I asked why we couldn't talk about something really uplifting.
Oh, but she was just telling the truth. It wasn't negativity. It was the truth.
I asked, again, why we couldn't stop the negativity and talk about something else.
Oh, but she was talking about something else. I was the one being negative.
I pointed out that she'd been talking about all kinds of pain, etc.
She said that I'd been talking about my pain (surgery), and she hadn't complained about that.
I told her that I needed to break this pattern. I told her that, for much of my life, I've dealt with people who tried to turn things around to blame me, for whatever reason. I didn't say this to her because I didn't think of it at the time, but it's an old and favorite trick of manipulators - they criticize you so that you feel you have to defend yourself.
I told her that I felt this was life's way of telling me that this had to stop. I pointed out that she was trying to turn things around on me, she was gaslighting me, and I had to end it.
She, in a wounded voice, complained that I was yelling at her. Yep, another attempt to get me to defend myself. (If I'd been yelling, she would have known it. She wouldn't have needed a phone to hear me.)
Then came another manipulation attempt. "I just called to see how you were. I volunteered to go to the store for you, come and visit you..." You get the idea.
"And now, you're trying to make me feel guilty," I told her.
She then told me that she wasn't going to take any of my "abuse". I managed to say that it was the truth before she hung up.
So there she goes. I had been feeling rather guilty about not contacting her, since her offers of help had been so generous, but now, I think it was an attempt to inveigle her way into my life. The tone of her voice is always a low, complaining one, that does grate on the nerves. But as I said, I was feeling guilty about her generosity.
Which comes at a very high price.
As it turned out, she was right. I've been doing work for them since February.
I sent her a friend request on Facebook, which she accepted.
This woman... well. She's very generous. When I told her I was going to have surgery, she volunteered to get groceries for me, come and visit me, etc. I was very appreciative of these offers. She called me when I was in the hospital to make sure I was all right. We had tentative plans for her to visit me, but on the appointed day, I was too tired to answer the phone. This was fortunate, since a truly nasty storm hit that day, and she would have been caught out in it.
She's called me a few times since then. She asked me how I was, then told me about her health problems and how awful it was trying to find the right treatment - first in the States, then here. Then she talked about how people were so awful to her in the medical profession. She talked about how bad her life is in general (not in so many words, but that was the gist of it).
She called me today. We talked about the usual stuff, and then her conversation just got more and more negative. Everyone was awful to her. Nobody would help. And on and on.
Finally, I said that the conversation was just too negative, and suggested that we talk about something else. I pointed out that if I wanted negativity, I could just go online. I asked why we couldn't talk about something really uplifting.
Oh, but she was just telling the truth. It wasn't negativity. It was the truth.
I asked, again, why we couldn't stop the negativity and talk about something else.
Oh, but she was talking about something else. I was the one being negative.
I pointed out that she'd been talking about all kinds of pain, etc.
She said that I'd been talking about my pain (surgery), and she hadn't complained about that.
I told her that I needed to break this pattern. I told her that, for much of my life, I've dealt with people who tried to turn things around to blame me, for whatever reason. I didn't say this to her because I didn't think of it at the time, but it's an old and favorite trick of manipulators - they criticize you so that you feel you have to defend yourself.
I told her that I felt this was life's way of telling me that this had to stop. I pointed out that she was trying to turn things around on me, she was gaslighting me, and I had to end it.
She, in a wounded voice, complained that I was yelling at her. Yep, another attempt to get me to defend myself. (If I'd been yelling, she would have known it. She wouldn't have needed a phone to hear me.)
Then came another manipulation attempt. "I just called to see how you were. I volunteered to go to the store for you, come and visit you..." You get the idea.
"And now, you're trying to make me feel guilty," I told her.
She then told me that she wasn't going to take any of my "abuse". I managed to say that it was the truth before she hung up.
So there she goes. I had been feeling rather guilty about not contacting her, since her offers of help had been so generous, but now, I think it was an attempt to inveigle her way into my life. The tone of her voice is always a low, complaining one, that does grate on the nerves. But as I said, I was feeling guilty about her generosity.
Which comes at a very high price.
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