Human Pinata, or How to Be a "Man."

[myswtghst]

Looking forward to the update, to hear how it all went. My thoughts are with you.

[Sir Spaniard the 12th]

I think I speak for everyone who has read this thread when I say: I hope it went smoothly, and BB and his friends, if any, didn't show up..

And if they did, they got <blankity blanky blank> and <blank-blank blank>.

Use your imagination.

[Amethyst Hunter]

In reading this thread and hearing a lot of comments regarding personal safety and self defense I just wanted to recommend that EVERYONE get a copy of Hardcore Self Defense by C.R. Jahn.

In the same spirit I would also like to recommend The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. EXCELLENT book for dealing with stalkers and other unwanted attention. In a nutshell, TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. They're giving you heebie-jeebie vibes for a reason.

Hope that the memorial-celebration for TD went well and that BB didn't spoil it with his rank presence!

[CaroPhoenix]

Jester - Any updates on the celebration of TD's life? Just wondering!

[Jester]

Dealyed Update

I admit, I have been lax in the report of the Celebration of TD's Life. My apologies. For a couple days afterwards, I was just so drained, physically and emotionally, trying to write was like trying to paint with a dry brush. I just couldn't do it. After that, I was just busy with work, and frankly, was semi-consciously avoiding doing this. I'm not even sure why I was avoiding it, but I was.

In any case, the very short story is that many of her friends gathered, remembered TD, we raised money (over $2,000) for the FKSPCA in her name, something she would have been very happy about, and a lot of people got to go home with good memories and some cool stuff. And yes, BB was there, and no, there was no trouble.

That's the short story for the Attention Impaired.

The longer story:

I spent a good week or more, during my non-work hours, putting up flyers in bars that would let me (most did), talking to bars and other businesses about donating stuff (products, services, gift certificates) to the cause (most did), and fielding calls from TD's friends, many of whom had just found out about the whole thing. (My number was on the bottom of the flyer, which is why these people were calling me.)

I approached the flyer/donation side of things with a very simple idea: every time I went into a new place and gave them my little spiel, I expected them to flat out say no. I was not pleasantly surprised by their response. I was downright flat out stunned by the amazingly positive response and willingness to help, often by businesses, managers, and owners who never even KNEW TD. (Though many people DID recognize her from the pictures on the flyer....she was a Key Wester for ten years, after all, and like me was known about town.) I received everything from $10 gift cards to valuable collector coins, a book signed by a fairly known author, and a piece of art signed by the artist....an internationally known artist, I might add. I was stunned by how willing these people were to just GIVE me this stuff, not knowing me, often not even knowing TD. People were just willing to help, and I guess I came across as sincere and honest and trusting.

And I kept plugging and plugging and plugging and at every step I thought I wasn't doing enough, I wasn't getting to enough places or talking to enough people or putting up enough flyers or getting out enough of the word--my biggest fear would be that we threw a memorial for a friend, only a few people would show up, and we would raise about $20 for the charity in her name. And when I started getting stressed out and a little nuts....I would stop and have a beer. Professional? No. But then, I am not a professional in fundraising/memorial organizing, and every time I thought about having a beer break, and started feeling guilty, I could see TD laughing at me and saying, "Jester, shut the fuck up and have a beer. Hell, I'll buy." I actually talked to many bar managers with a beer in my hand. It's Key West, and if they thought it was inappropriate, my philosophy was: "Screw 'em. If they think this is inappropriate for this event, they didn't know TD worth a fuck."

And Monday the 11th came along, and TD's sister and her husband came to town from Tampa and I, of course, was frantic, trying to get everything together, worrying about potential trouble from BB and his friends. And my friend Zim and I got down to the Pool Bar where the Celebration was going to be held about two hours before the scheduled start time, but about an hour after I wanted to be there. And bless Zim, he helped me organize all the donations, figure out what was going to be for the silent auction, what was going to be raffled off, helped me put out the silent auction stuff with the appropriate signup sheets, etc., etc., etc., and etc. And despite my worst fears, we were done setting up just about on time, with some definite help from the Pool Bar's GM and TD's Sister.

And the Celebration went well, and there were some friends of TD's that I knew, and some that I didn't, and overall it went well. We had a photo board of TD that some people signed. We had people volunteer to help us with this, that, or the other. Everyone talked to TD's Sister--I was more busy trying to a. keep the whole thing going smoothly and b. keep myself together. Neither was easy. But through much laughter and tears, it was cool, my friends Frank and Zim were invaluable, and between the silent auctions, 50/50 raffle, dinner raffle (the buffet was donated by the Pool Bar, and for a small donation, people got to eat it and got a raffle ticket, by which tickets we raffled off the smaller stuff), and straight donations, we raised a total of $2,102 for the FKSPCA in TD's name. And in addition to my organizational and financial contribution, I had my own personal tribute to TD by drinking only Coors Light all night long. While I think the stuff tastes like water personally, that was TD's beer of choice.

And of course BB was there. He wasn't being an asshole per se, as in not what we expected, but to another ex-boyfriend of TD, to TD's Sister, and to myself, he cried on cue, not for TD, but for himself and how we all hated him and how he never hurt TD, blah blah blah. Never once said anything about her other than crying about how he never did what we said he did, even though we repeatedly (individually) told him that this night was not about him or us, but about TD. He didn't get the message. He also did not lift a finger to help, offer to help, offer or ask to say anything about TD, bid on one thing in the silent auction, buy a dinner ticket, or donate one red cent to a cause he had to know was near and dear to TD's heart. And I can understand how some people can't afford to do stuff monetarily....but again, he didn't make one effort to help or say anything about TD, the girlfriend he was allegedly mourning. All in all, most of us agreed that his behavior was truly and disgustingly pathetic.

After the official Celebration wound down, a few of us (not BB) went over to the Waterfront Bar and continued our own private celebration, including having TD's Sister read aloud on stage a poem/story about TD that a friend of hers had written. Said friend had asked that it be read on stage at the Waterfront Bar, but she herself could not bring herself to read it. As it was, most of us on stage (with one of TD's favorite bands) got rather emotional, myself included. I think I said a few words, but I couldn't tell you what they were.

The whole thing had problems, and didn't go perfectly, and had flaws, and could have been better. But then, that could be said about anything and anyone, and frankly, if it HAD gone perfectly, it probably would not have been appropriate for TD. The gods know she liked chaos!

If this whole narrative seems a bit chaotic, or if the events seem to have been a bit off, understand that even now, a week later, I am having trouble telling them, and am tearing up slightly typing this. And laughing too. And I guess that's appropriate too. After all, in the immortal words from the song by Christopher Cross, "When you think of Lora, laugh, don't cry....I know she'd want it that way.

[Binky]

Jester, you are an inspiration. You've been a real trooper through all of this.

I think everyone would agree with me.

It's so so sad what happened to TD, but one would hope that her story will be heard an others that are still in the situation she was in will find the courage to get out.

Thank you

[Jester]

I was thinking that I wasn't that inspirational, to be honest, that I had merely done what needed to be done, even if no one else had done it.

And then I went into my email and read this:

"Jester,

I hope you have recuperated some of your energy after the amazing display of generosity, organization, and determination you showed last week. I want you to know in no uncertain terms how much I personally appreciate all of your hard work and how you showed me the other side, the much better side, of Key West and its people. I am actually looking forward to visiting again in the not too distant future. You are my hero.

There is no way I will remember the names of all of your friends and neighbors who helped with the memorial celebration, so will you please pass on my most sincere thanks to all of them?

With much gratitude,

TD's Sister"


I am uncharacteristically speechless.



Now I really feel I need to get off my butt and write the thank you letters to the businesses that donated, not to mention an overall thank you letter to the community via the local newspaper.

[CaroPhoenix]

Ah Jester. You are definitely an inspiration to those of us out here in the real world, grappling with issues similar to what you went through before and after TD's death.

That you touched TD's sister, is also a testament to your awesomeness.

I, at least, am happy to know you (if only thought a message board and only through your postings here).

[morgana]

Ah Jester. You are definitely an inspiration to those of us out here in the real world, grappling with issues similar to what you went through before and after TD's death.

That you touched TD's sister, is also a testament to your awesomeness.

I, at least, am happy to know you (if only thought a message board and only through your postings here).

I can only second this. An inspiration indeed.

[crazylegs]

Jester,

You are a true friend, loyal, honest and there for others, even though it is by the most tenuous link to know someone I am incredibly proud to know you, your behaviour throughout this has been impeccable, Sir I salute you.

PS If I'm ever in Florida again I'll pay a visit with the sole intention of buying you sufficient quantities of alcohol to get you drunk for a week!

[XCashier]

Ah Jester. You are definitely an inspiration to those of us out here in the real world, grappling with issues similar to what you went through before and after TD's death.

That you touched TD's sister, is also a testament to your awesomeness.

I, at least, am happy to know you (if only thought a message board and only through your postings here).

Hear, hear! You did very well, and we're all very proud of you. People like you make the world a better place.

[Binky]

your too modest Jester really you are.

[tropicsgoddess]

Jester, you are the definition of a true friend for all the things you've done for TD. People like you really make the world better.

[Jester]

Thanks for all the kind words, folks. I swear, you are going to make me do something I almost never do: blush.

So stop it, damnit!

your too modest Jester really you are.

Why yes. Yes I am.

PS If I'm ever in Florida again I'll pay a visit with the sole intention of buying you sufficient quantities of alcohol to get you drunk for a week!

Now THAT is an absolutely brilliant idea!

[Eireann]

I think the whole thing is a marvelous tribute to TD, her memory, and what she meant to all of you. You didn't try to turn her into a saint, knowing full well that she wasn't; you collected money for important causes; you didn't even start anything with BB (who showed just how clueless he really is by trying to cry on YOUR shoulder, Jester).

If something were to happen to me, I only hope that my friends would have an event like that in my memory. You're all to be commended for your caring, your devotion, and your determination.