There is something strange in the water......

[Jester]

Oh, I'm not concerned about what it's called.

I'm not even concerned about what it IS. My vow this year was to have a good time no matter what happens, and that is just what I am going to do, whether it be a date, a snogfest, or just a couple of friends goofing around.

That does not, however, mean that I can't HOPE.

[Jester]

I knew the Fates were laying in wait to ambush me.

So it seems like tomorrow night will not be a date. Or anything at all. While Bouncy still seems interested in going, a friend/coworker of hers had an accident and is laid up, and Bouncy is going to use the next two days, which she has off, to help said injured party out.

Now, even if you are an asshole, how in the flying flaming fetid feral flippin' FUCK do you argue against THAT?

Right.

You can't.

So I suggested that we still go to the Event we were going to go to, wheeling her Injured Friend in a wheelchair into it with us. This did get a laugh. (I am a funny dude, what can I say?)

Okay, so that's not going to happen, but she said if anything changes, she'll call me. We'll see. But even if I have no Event to invite her to, I AM going to go out with her at some point, damn it!

Meanwhile, I am still trying to schedule a night out with The Cute Little Redhead Girl (Friday, perhaps) and Flirt (I'm thinking Sunday.)

"But Jester, what about Saturday? It's Valentine's Day!"

Anyone who's been paying attention knows my feelings about that false and fabricated "holiday." But my opinion is moot, as I'll be working at both the Waterfront Bar during the day and at The Bar at night, so really won't have any time for anyone other than my customers.

"Why Jester, that is utterly diabolical and devious!"



Why yes....so it is. So it is indeed.

[Rapscallion]

So, got your end away yet?

Rapscallion

[Jester]

So, got your end away yet?

Translation from British to American please?

[Rapscallion]

I figured that one would be obvious. Had sex with any yet? Been about five days since you last posted in this thread (barring your request for translation).

Rapscallion

[Jester]

There has been no posting because there has been nothing to report. Not only have I not, as you so eloquently put it, got my end away yet, I have not even seen any of them in several days--though the flirting via text and game of phone tag in an attempt to make plans continue.

[Jester]

An actual update!

For those of you that actually are interested in my social life, two things.

First of all, get a life. Seriously. Even Barney Miller re-runs in black and white have got to be more interesting than THIS shit.

But secondly, if you don't have a life, don't want a life, or for some bizarre reason really are interested in what some dude you have never met is doing on some remote tropical island you've never been to nowhere near you, here, my friends, is an update on The Harem, such as it is:

The Cute Little Red Headed Girl: Has not called or texted me in a while, nor has she returned my voicemails. For whatever reason, she has appears to have written me off. Ah, well, c'est la vie.

Bouncy: I still have at thing for her. I still drink at her bar periodically. I am without question one of her favorite customers. But beyond that, I would say that nothing seems to be progressing, at least not in the sense of romantically or sexually.

Flirt: We continue to flirt via text. Occasionally in person, but between my being sick and her being sick, most of it was text. Both of us were almost put out of commission by a BAD bug that's been going around the island. Naturally she blamed me for her getting it, but unless germs are now textable, that would be impossible, as I did not go see her while I was sick. But there is still some possibility there.

Ginger: "Wait, what? Jester, didn't Ginger blew you off, and haven't you not heard from her in forever?" Not entirely true. See, a little while back, I wandered into the Waterfront Bar, and who should be working there but Ginger! Looking even cuter than I remembered her to be. And she definitely seemed to still be interested in me. And we resumed our flirting immediately. And not only did friends of mine tell me she was obviously interested in me, complete and total strangers said the same thing. However, for some reason I can't fathom, nothing seems to have developed, and every time I attempt to make plans with the girl, she flakes out. We have gone drinking a couple times, but the one time when it seemed anything might happen, when I went to kiss her, she did the Pull Back (men will recognize this dreaded maneuver), and I was bummed...until her texts the next day seemed to indicate that she had no memory beyond a certain point in the evening.

So Ginger and I have basically been dancing the Yo Yo Dance, where things are going back and forth. I was getting bummed for a bit, until that OTHER part of my brain smacked me upside the head and reminded me of my New Year's Resolution, that I was just going to flirt, have fun, and whatever happened, happened, and whatever didn't happen, didn't, and either way I wouldn't get all bent out of shape about it. It is not always easy to stick to this, but it's not that tough either, sometimes. Most times.

Mermaid: "Wait, WHAT? Who the fuck is Mermaid? You've never mentioned her before!" Well, I DID say this was an update, didn't I?

So I am bartending on the roof deck of The Bar tonight, my usual Monday night shift, and a regular, PF, comes in with a lovely young lady. I am cracking jokes with the bar patrons, slinging drinks for them and the servers, and generally tearing it up. But PF has brought Mermaid up there to see card tricks. And for those two and the four Canadians on that side of the bar, I eventually (as in when I get the damn time between slinging drinks!) oblige.

And blow them all out of the water. (Naturally.) Including Mermaid. Who, I must admit, I am flirting with mercilessly. Even when I initially thought she was WITH PF. (I can flirt with women in a way that seems harmless, especially while bartending or doing magic, so that their boyfriends/husbands/sex slaves don't feel the need to kick the living shit out of me.) But after a while, PF subtly indicates that they are not a couple. His subtle method of doing this is by announcing for all to hear, "Jester, we aren't actually together. This is my friend, Mermaid." Yeah, PF is about as subtle as I am.

Long story short, Mermaid seemed intrigued by me (and who could blame her, short of any competent psychologist, psychiatrist, or person with working vision?), and allegedly PF and Mermaid are coming in again this week (perhaps tomorrow) to see me at The Bar. Of course, since they may not get out of work (working together at a day job) until I am done, I felt it my obligation to make sure that PF had my number. And oh yeah, Mermaid too. (PF thought that was rather "savvy" on my part.) And of course I now have both of theirs.

We shall see if it was Jester the Magician she was intrigued by or simply Jester himself.

And thus the Harem grows, even as it shrinks. And proves the merit of my original Resolution.

[Jester]

My life just keeps getting more and more bizarre......

Seriously, I have no idea what's going on in Valhalla, but Loki is totally trying to mess with my head with all the unbelievably strange shit that's been happening lately.

A while back I met Gemini Girl, who immediately became my new drinking buddy. She is hilariously funny, very witty, and occasionally violent. All traits I respect. And she was absolutely not interested in me romantically, which is fine, as she became my new Wingman, since most of my friends suck in this capacity. Unlike my buddy Little Red, she immediately thought Bouncy was cuter than hell. (Sadly, nothing is going on with me and Bouncy, but that is another story.)

Anyway, let's backtrack a bit.....last Tuesday, after I got off work and had a few beers at The Bar, I went to Bouncy's bar as I do every Tuesday to see her, flirt with her, and have a couple of beers, then go home. That was the plan. Plans in my life, however, have a habit of taking a flying leap out the window.

On my way into said bar, I noticed a young girl who looked about 16 or so heading into the same bar. "Oh no she is NOT going to try to get in there!" I thought to myself. But lo and behold, not only did she try, she whipped out her ID and presented it to the bouncer immediately. Apparently she really was of age! Go figger.

So I settled into the bar, got my usual beer, and was minding my own business when the guys playing beer pong (a normal event at this bar) announced that they needed one more member. Well, far be it from me to turn down a competitive athletic endeavor like that! So I and one large dude teamed up to take on another dude and, of all people, the Pretty Young Thang. As luck would have it, PYT happened to be the best of the four of us at beer pong. Meaning my team lost three straight games. Much drinking ensued.

Next thing I know, the group of us are barhopping, drinking more, and suddenly we are dancing at Major Tourist Bar and I am doing magic tricks for PYT and getting her phone number. Yes, thank you, I know....I do, in fact, rock. Naturally, this being my life, nothing more than dancing happened with PYT, but whatever. No pressure, right? That's my new attitude, and it seems to be working for me.

Of course, this being my life, things had to take a sharp right turn into Bizarr-O World.

So two nights ago, I am hanging out drinking after working my Saturday day shift, which is my Friday, as I don't work again until Monday night....so I am tearing it up. Gemini came along to tear it up with me, and then we went to another bar to meet up with PYT and her friend (though I didn't know the friend would be coming along). So Gemini is there to be my Wingman.

And yet Gemini is the one who was in my bed the next morning.

The truly bizarre part is I was sitting there at a bar, with Gemini on one side and PYT on the other, and somehow PYT got into a conversation with people to her other side, and Gemini and I started kissing. Which was.....weird. NICE...but weird. About the last girl I expected to kiss me, to be honest.

Now, despite some of my friends thinking I am doing something wrong because I still haven't gotten laid (I'm looking at YOU, Saydrah!), I am having a hell of a fun time and enjoying my life immensely. I am still flirting with PYT, who may or may not have seen me macking on Gemini, and ya know what? It's all good. I have not lied to any of these women, I have no plans of doing so, and until one of them steps up and looks for something more, I plan on having fun.

Update on the others: Bouncy continues to be my favorite bartender, but nothing else is going on there. Ginger is apparently seeing some other guy, which sucks, but whatever. TCLRG has not called or texted me in some time. I have not really seen Mermaid at all in the last week. And I continue to flirt with Flirt.

I really think I am going to need a scorecard at some point.

[Saydrah]

I'm looking at YOU, Saydrah!

I know you are, so get those eyeballs outta my cleavage (or do sumpin' bout it!)

[Jester]

Darlin', if anyone's cleavage was made to be eyeballed, it's yours. Now deal with it, you sexy ho you.

[Jester]

Brief update.....

PYT has not contacted me since Monday morning when I sent an apologetic text to her regarding some of my more obnoxious texts Sunday night when I was schnockered.

Gemini Girl continues to confuse and confound. After work today (for both of us separately), she seemed rather intent on getting me to one of our favorite bars, and was physically flirting, but then out of the blue said, "You're not into me, are you?" Basically she was telling me that after her last relationship, she was not into dating anyone at the moment.

Sure, no problem. And if you follow this to its illogical conclusion, you will find Gemini and Jester outside of the bar later kissing before she heads off towards home on her bicycle. More proof that both women and booze create much illogic.

I actually feel good about this, but not about the outcome per se, so much as my dealing with it. Back in high school, a girl telling me this would have created panic in me and an urge to fight such feelings in the girl, though rarely would I have actually done anything. Ten years ago, I would have told the girl she was wrong, and I would prove it. Last year, I would have cursed my luck at yet another one slipping through my fingers. Tonight? I grinned internally and just went with it, and was actually not surprised at the later kissing.

What can I say? Either I am irresistible or booze is my best friend.

My bets are on both.