Advice?

[Jester]

Honestly I think living with him WITH my parents and my little brother and all the stress and awkwardness that entails is a much better trial-by-fire than living alone together.

While I think your mother's philosophy on this is a bit of an extreme kneejerk response to her own failures in that area, I don't agree with you that living with them is necessarily a better trial-by-fire. When you don't have to keep tiptoeing around people (and by extension, sometimes each other), the truth can--and will--come out.

Just out of curiosity, you said you've been together for years. How many years, and how old are each of you.....if you don't mind my asking.

[Setsunaela]

I'm 21, 22 this march.. he's 28. We've been dating off and on since I was about 16, but it was sort of a silly online relationship for most of my teen years, admittedly.

For the record, my mom was fully aware i was dating a 20-something year old man at 16, and, having spent more time with him online than i did at the time, didn't mind at all.

[Jester]

Your mom is not so much the issue here, at least not in my mind. She'll either accept it or not. Certainly she knows you two are engaged, after all.

What I am concerned about is that you seem to be rushing towards marriage at the age of 21. I know, I know, you are sick to death of people telling you how young you are, and really, 21 isn't that young, you are legally allowed to drink, etc.

Yeah. And then some.

That being said, I still think it is a mistake to rush towards this major thing. I can see the argument about the medical situation, certainly, but beyond that, is there any real reason why this can't wait some time longer?

Just my 3.5 cents.

[Setsunaela]

I love him. I've dated others, we've broken up (amicably) for about a year and ended up back together, I was miserable without him..
Also, lots of people have a tendency to ask why we're NOT married yet..
I can't really think of more than one or two reasons why I wouldn't love to live with him for the rest of my life, and those things are little nitpicky "i don't like sharing my blankie" things.. and I still don't share my blanket most nights anyhow lol.

And trust me, the truth has come out before, just because they're around doesn't mean that we tiptoe, we just have a tendency to be a bit more reasonable FIRST. We've had our share of knock-down drag-outs..

[CaroPhoenix]

Well? Did you talk to your mom? What was the result!?

[Setsunaela]

talked to Mom and K, they were both like "is that all?"
I cried, half relief I'm sure, and mom gave me a hug, and all was OK.

I've told a bunch of people now, and everyone's excited for us ^.^

[CaroPhoenix]

Heck, I'm excited and I only know through the message board!

[Jester]

I love him. I've dated others, we've broken up (amicably) for about a year and ended up back together, I was miserable without him..
Also, lots of people have a tendency to ask why we're NOT married yet..
I can't really think of more than one or two reasons why I wouldn't love to live with him for the rest of my life...

And what in the above forces the two of you to rush to marriage? Why the hurry?

I am not dogging marriage, mind you. I envy what the two of you have. I just don't see what making it legal, and rushing towards doing so, will change, or what the big deal is. I mean, you already are, for all intents and purposes, a couple. Right? So why not take your time and make the wedding one you will thoroughly enjoy, can afford, and allows you some more time to get away from your parents and to make sure that this thing is absolutely right. (NOTE: I am not saying it isn't. But why the rush?)