I'm still not sure how to take this

[draftermatt]

All my life people have told me I'm mature for my age.

People meet me and automatically think I'm at least 5-10 years older (granted the graying hair doesn't help).

This is a story involving that part of me, that actually happened a while ago. I thought of it again today while doing some work on auto pilot. (Where you're working but not thinking about it because you know it by heart, then find 15 mistakes later).

I was working a night job and a lady I worked with has a son about a year younger than me. (Keep in mind this was like Oct 2007)

Her son, 22, in college, single, lives with her, works at a car dealership washing cars.
Me, 23, graduated college the year before, lives with his wife in a home they own, works 2 jobs.

One night we were talking about something and she looks at me and says

"I'm glad my son isn't like you"

Me: "Ok... Normally I hear the opposite from people"

Which is true, especially when I was in high school

Her "Well, you're just so jaded already, you know how the world works, I like that he's still so innocent"

I didn't know how to comment, and really I still don't know what to say other than "Your son is 22 and has no idea how things work? How is that possible?"

How would you take that? It sure as hell isn't a compliment

[AdminAssistant]

I would say different people mature at different ages and different levels. While I 'grew up', a lot when Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer (just before my 18th bday)...I was still pretty innocent. At 22...I was still pretty naive. It took moving farther away from home to really mature..and even now (at 25) that hasn't really set in. I wouldn't say I'm 'innocent' but I'm not totally 'mature' either.

[protege]

The in me would have let it go.

However, the would have been hard-pressed not to reply with the following: "So, you'd rather have an adult still living at home, yet can't fend for himself? That doesn't really sound like someone I'd really want to brag about. Sounds like a little wimp to me..."

[Giggle Goose]

I'm sorry, but I honestly don't know how you didn't just rip that woman a new one.

I have no patience for busybodies like that. You did the right thing by just letting it go. You know you've got a lot more going on than her son does and you should be thankful for that and feel sorry for those people.

[Slytovhand]

Interesting for me that I should read this just now.

I'm training to be a druid (no, really!) and the lesson I've just been working on is with 'Innocence' and 'Experience'. Both are important to the way we move through the world. Both have things that can teach us. Innocence lets us see the world with new eyes, it lets us still be in awe of the world around us. Experience tempers our foolishness, and can guide us to new things in life. It's like a safeguard. It stops us getting into too much trouble.

But, if we lean too heavily in either direction, we lose focus - and balance.


So - that's the esoteric version.

I'm more inclined to think she's making a passing judgement on her own life rather than yours. I'd imagine she looks at you and sees someone similar to herself (graduated, married, 2 jobs etc), and recalls how she lost her 'life' to 'duty' and responsibility. She's glad that her son hasn't been burdened by those things, enough that he can still be young and have fun. He is still close to her (at least physically), so she hasn't 'lost' him to the world.

But hey, what would I know??

[malmalthekiller]

Oh, who cares what somebody like that thinks? If that's their idea of what they want their son to be at that age, I wouldn't take too much stock in their opinion.

My mother loves that my sister and I were mature and taking care of ourselves as teenagers, when she was working several jobs and going back to school. I hear about some of her friend's children, and the way they have to be coddled, and she doesn't have to worry (too much) about us as adults.

[AdminAssistant]

I'd imagine she looks at you and sees someone similar to herself (graduated, married, 2 jobs etc), and recalls how she lost her 'life' to 'duty' and responsibility. She's glad that her son hasn't been burdened by those things, enough that he can still be young and have fun. He is still close to her (at least physically), so she hasn't 'lost' him to the world.

That's what I think as well. Heck, I lived at home for a while when I was 22 - for a summer after I graduated college, before I got my first apartment. I was working retail and saving money so I could afford to move into said apartment.

It's all subjective. I'm glad my parents didn't let me work when I was in school (I was on an all-inclusive scholarship, my 'work' was keeping the scholarship!) I got a lot more out of school that way. Maybe that didn't make me as 'mature' or 'grown-up' or whatever, but I find all that crap to be over-rated. It's why I have no desire to be married...I can go out, have fun, I'm old enough to not do incredibly stupid things. When I hear someone's married/with kids under age 25, my thought tends to be "Why did you do that to yourself?"

[Caveat Emptor]

After I graduated from college, I moved back home but only so I could save enough for graduate school. I worked two jobs for a year and a half. When I was a freshman in college, my roommate told me I "used too many big words." I had received a 560 verbal / 470 math on my SAT. From him, I took that as a compliment; he was on academic probation stemming from his first semester 1.8 GPA. He pledged a frat and would stumble in at 3AM and usually miss at least one class on a regular basis.

I would take that remark as a compliment. It's sad when someone is 23 and is so sheltered that they still have few ideas on how the world really works. If I was able to get a halfway decent job back then, I could have easily survived on my own at 18. I knew about leases and renting apartments and paying bills and I have never been gullible to scams and never spent more on my credit card in one month then what I knew I could pay back easily (well, except a few times due to emergencies.)

[Sliceanddice]

i would have been insulted too
i am 21 have one degree am working on a second so i can transfer uni and get a 3 in social work
im turning 22 in 10 days.
i live with my mom because i dont make enough to pay for a car for school and work, rents and food.
even if i had an old beater car, i wouldnt make enough to survive off in my current job by myself.
my mom knows i dont look for a new job because right now im focusing on school and next december i will see where i am at and maybe look for a new job then, or i might this summer if i dont take a summer school.
but if i didnt know i wanted a degree in social work, i didnt want to take a few prelaw classes, if i didnt know that i either wanted to work as a social worker in some compasity or to work for a non profit, my mom would not except my current life.
she doesnt like my job right now.
but she understands why i have it.
my mom would wish i was you, just im nto so sure about the married thing.