Advice needed for a tough question

[marty]

A friend of mine that lives a bit away from me is unhappy in her relationship--she doesn't hate the guy, he's just getting on her nerves and she wants some time to think about things. It's a pretty serious relationship, they've been together a while. She asked me this and I had no clue how to answer her--what is the best way to tell someone you need a break?

[Nyoibo]

Tell them?

I know honety's wierd, but it tends to be appreciated.

[marty]

Well yeah, the question is more about the approach. She's ultimately afraid to hurt his feelings, I think, so she wants to do it in the least painful way possible. That sounds weird, but...I don't know, it's more like a "How do I let him down easy?" thing.

[BethB]

There is, sadly, no easy way to approach or keep feelings intact in this situation. She'll need to just go and straight up tell him that she cares mucho for him but she needs some time alone to get her thoughts together. He won't be happy about it, obviously, unless he's selfish and goes off screaming "woo hoo!!! Freedom!!"

Or she could just do what I do to my husband. Scream "you're getting on my last nerve. Go away!!" But I don't recommend that.

[One-Fang]

I think "quickly" is the way. Both definitions - do it soon and don't beat about the bush saying it.

While he's watching his favourite TV show is not a good time. Otherwise just use the dreaded "we need to talk" and just lay it out. "I want a break" and why. Be sure to reassure that it's "just a break" and this isn't "a breakup", although it will likely be taken as one regardless.

Honesty cannot be undervalued here. No trickery. Just be plain. Here's what I want, here's why, here's what I hope we can both get out of this.

Then hope.