he's gone

[BookstoreEscapee]

I'm sorry.

[Bella_Vixen]

*Hugs and prayers.*

[morgana]

Hugs and condolences, lupo. So very sorry.

[SG15Z]

Oh Lupo!!!! *many hugs* I'm so sorry to hear this!!! You'll be in my prayers!!

[lupo pazzesco]

Well, flight's set. Stepdad found me tickets for around $450... (OUCH!!) and the only way to get 'em that "cheap" is for me to have to change planes and have long layovers. I'm also not getting into town until uber late Wednesday night. I'll miss the viewing, but still make the funeral.

I'm sitting here, freaking out over the stupidest things, like what to wear? I've never been to a funeral before. And if it's open casket, I think I'll be freaking out even more. I don't want to see my grandpa dead. I just don't.

I'm already making myself sick with worry about it, and between that and phone calls from family, and listening to my dad break down and start alternating between crying and laughing on the phone, I feel mildly sick to my stomach.

I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm actually there in person. And now, it's late, and I'm desparately craving junk food or sweets of some kind. And I'm also trying to convince myself that 11:30 at night is NOT a good time at ALL to go putter around on the patio garden.

And herein ends this particular rant.

Thanks again for the warm wishes and support everyone. I don't think I could've gotten through 2009 without them.

[SG15Z]

Well, flight's set. Stepdad found me tickets for around $450... (OUCH!!) and the only way to get 'em that "cheap" is for me to have to change planes and have long layovers. I'm also not getting into town until uber late Wednesday night. I'll miss the viewing, but still make the funeral.

I'm sitting here, freaking out over the stupidest things, like what to wear? I've never been to a funeral before. And if it's open casket, I think I'll be freaking out even more. I don't want to see my grandpa dead. I just don't.

I'm already making myself sick with worry about it, and between that and phone calls from family, and listening to my dad break down and start alternating between crying and laughing on the phone, I feel mildly sick to my stomach.

I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm actually there in person. And now, it's late, and I'm desparately craving junk food or sweets of some kind. And I'm also trying to convince myself that 11:30 at night is NOT a good time at ALL to go putter around on the patio garden.

And herein ends this particular rant.

Thanks again for the warm wishes and support everyone. I don't think I could've gotten through 2009 without them.

BTW, is this the same grandpa that you found out had cancer (it was cancer right? If not I apologize me brain is mushy today) last time I was over? If so, . I'm sooo sorry it happened so quickly!!!

[lupo pazzesco]

BTW, is this the same grandpa that you found out had cancer (it was cancer right? If not I apologize me brain is mushy today) last time I was over? If so, . I'm sooo sorry it happened so quickly!!!

yep. same one I found out on game night. They gave him 4-6 weeks, maybe two months.

3 weeks later...

Ugh.

I need to go to bed. I know I do. But too tired to sleep, and not sure I want to knock myself out with tylenol pm. waiting for some tea to brew, hopefully that'll help.

[SG15Z]

yep. same one I found out on game night. They gave him 4-6 weeks, maybe two months.

3 weeks later...

Ugh.

I need to go to bed. I know I do. But too tired to sleep, and not sure I want to knock myself out with tylenol pm. waiting for some tea to brew, hopefully that'll help.

Wow talk about suckage....yeah I should probably sleep too, considering how worn out I am. But I'm so worn out I can't sleep. Know what I mean? I'm so glad I have a late shift tomorrow and I can sleep in. But you, get to bed young lady!

[lupo pazzesco]

Wow talk about suckage....yeah I should probably sleep too, considering how worn out I am. But I'm so worn out I can't sleep. Know what I mean? I'm so glad I have a late shift tomorrow and I can sleep in. But you, get to bed young lady!

I know exactly what you mean, because I'm there.

Young lady? Psh. older than you. But I accede only because I am unarmed for a battle of sarcastic swiping. Too too tired. And my tea's done besides, so I was going anyways, and not cuz you said so. so there...

[Der Cute]

Lupo,

All I can say is I'm sorry, and that I hope things get better for you soon.

My kitty Miss Fuzzy says hello - she gives lots of loves and bonks.

Cutenoob

[SG15Z]

I know exactly what you mean, because I'm there.

Young lady? Psh. older than you. But I accede only because I am unarmed for a battle of sarcastic swiping. Too too tired. And my tea's done besides, so I was going anyways, and not cuz you said so. so there...

psh, what, our age difference is what? 5? 6? Big deal....

[tropicsgoddess]

Lupo, I'm so sorry to hear that...

[Amethyst Hunter]

I'm sitting here, freaking out over the stupidest things, like what to wear? I've never been to a funeral before. And if it's open casket, I think I'll be freaking out even more. I don't want to see my grandpa dead. I just don't...I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm actually there in person.

First, I'm sorry for your loss.

Second - FWIW, here's some tidbits from my own experiences I hope will help you...

1) Dress. You most likely want something somewhat dressy, but it doesn't have to be super-fancy or tidy. Just something that looks nice, like maybe professional wear or office casual (though not TOO casual). Be sure it's something comfortable, as your situation is hard enough as it is without having to spend it wearing uncomfortable clothes/shoes.

2) If it's open casket, there is *no* rule that says you *have* to go up to it and look. That's strictly a matter of personal preference and everybody feels differently about it. My paternal grandfather died in late 2005 and there was an open wake, which I did NOT want to go to on account of I hate wakes; they creep me out. (To my way of thinking, that is *not* how you want to remember the person, because whatever made them unique is no longer there. YMMV, of course) I had to go though, or else my dad would have pitched one hell of a fit (he'd already snapped at me the previous night for saying that I wanted to skip the wake).

So this is how I got through it, and the funeral service the next day. I stayed in the very way back of the room (during the wake; I had to sit up front for the service itself because I was a family member) and NEVER looked directly at the casket. I was aware of it in my peripheral vision, of course, but I studiously kept my eyes away from that particular area and made a point of focusing on other stuff in my surroundings instead. When the time for the final viewing came and everybody filed up to the casket, I didn't go; fortunately, the minister officiating made it an 'invitation' to go view rather than a command, and thank God neither of my parents pressed me to do so (I was afraid my dad would make me go up there and I WOULD have pitched an unholy tantrum then; my mom understood my avoidance because she feels the same way I do about wakes). If possible, find someone to interact with (in a 'safe' area - close to the casket is probably not a good place) to help keep your mind occupied.

Don't let anybody tell you how to deal with this one, either. Everybody handles death in different ways - there is no one right or wrong way to deal with it. You're entitled to your feelings, whatever those are. If anybody gives you flack, take the Jester route: fuck 'em.

3) Repeated for importance. You won't know how you'll react until you're actually there. Whatever happens, happens. If you feel like crying, do it. If you feel like curling up away from everything and everybody, do it. Don't let people try to tell you how you should or shouldn't express yourself. Mourning is different for each person and it will take its course in your own way, in your own good time.

Take care.

[fireheart]

*sends many hugs* I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. Many hugs and condolences.

Also, for dress, I'd recommend not too formal, not too casual either. Maybe a nice shirt and black pants or skirt. It's not a requirement to wear all black to a funeral...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

For my grandmother's funeral, the only funeral I have ever been to, dress was just casual. As in shirt and tie and khakis for the guys and dresses or a nice shirt and pants for the gals.

I was a pallbearer, so it was probably a good thing I didn't have a suit coat or anything to worry about. I was just worried throughout the whole thing that I'd be the one to drop the casket. Fortunately that never happened.