The Perrenial Parade Problem

[LibraryLady]

I love parades!

We don't have many in our neighborhood but the ones we have are cherce. I love them all but the Irish-American Parade is one of my favorites. Unfortunately, it always causes a problem.

Long before the parade is due to arrive, I set myself up in a nice place near the reviewing stand. That means I'll get a good view of the marching bands doing their drill routines and the dancers dancing.

I've been standing behind the barrier for a good half-hour. I can start to hear a faint sound of the siren from the Police car that leads the parade. This is when "THE FAMILY" arrives.

"Go ahead, kids. Sit on the curb. The nice lady won't mind."

Next comes the Grandma of THE FAMILY with her lawn chair. She sits out in the street to keep an eye on the kids. The siren is growing louder and we can hear drums and the occasional skirl of a bagpipe.

A vendor comes through and large balloons are bought for the children. The children sitting on the curb aren't a problem but the balloons are. I have Sponge-Bob, Dora the Explorer and Spiderman in front of my face. Oh, Wow! I'm getting the experience of Macy's Thanksgiving parade in March.

The parade is almost upon us. As they always do, police officers patrol the route.

"Folks, let's all get back behind the barriers."

Now the kids of THE FAMILY are on the sidewalk. Grandma has a place of honor behind them. Magically, the other members of THE FAMILY have infiltrated the space on the pretense of bringing snacks and drinks to Grandma and the kids.

I'm now four rows back from the street. Between the big balloons and the basketball player height of the rest of THE FAMILY, the only thing I can see of the parade is flags and horses.

At this point I can forget about seeing the drilling and the dancing. Is there any way to avoid becoming an inadvertent place-holder for FAMILIES you don't know?

[RetailWorkhorse]

Yeah, when they first arrive, tell them to bugger off to someplace else. You were there first.

[LibraryLady]

That's kind of hard at this parade because you never know what kind of celebrating THE FAMILY has been doing before they come out to the parade. They may be just eager for the children to enjoy the spectacle. Some of the heftier members of the family may have enjoyed, shall we say, a bit of prior liquid enjoyment.

I'm 5' 6", 120 pounds and 61 years old. Do I really want to defy a guy who's 6' 2", 225 pounds, 27 years old and who has a few pints in him over the seating of a 5 year old child? I don't think so.

[Jester]

Bring your own hefty male friends. The kind who are not only more likely to speak up against such chicanery, but also the kind that most people will deem it wise not to argue too much with.

Better yet, bring your own damn lawn chair. People tend not to sit in front of people with lawn chairs.

Also, just for shits and giggles, bring a pin for the balloons. One must be discreet when popping them, but since balloons DO pop, why not help them along? Or, if you smoke, feel free to wave your cigarette-holding hand around as you try to wave the balloons out of your face and your view. Amazing how quickly balloons disappear in front of a lit cigarette.

Also, remember that short 60something women telling big burly guys to piss off can be amusing....and what are they going to do? Hit you? In public? The chances of them surviving the lynch mob that would follow would be very small. And they know that. No matter how much liquid libation they may have had, they know it is suicide to hit a smaller, older woman.

[Bosch]

Do like I did for years with the local X-mas parade - be in it!

I was really lucky our car club opened the parade for something like 6 years straight, we were done in 25minutes and free to kick back and watch the parade from the end of it. People tend not sit at the end point parades for some reason so we could just all kick back on the curb.

[Wingates_Hellsing]

Lot's of wonderful advice here, never been to a parade of any size myself. I think the 'just tell them to F off' route is best, most people seem to back off in face of something like that surprisingly....

Of course, if they DO try to get physical... I hear Mace prices are going down

[Reyneth]

Bring a little blanket/beach towel and set yourself up on the curb, staking out your spot right in front. You can always stand up when the parade starts.

[Geek King]

Cups of sugary soda (so it gets sticky as it dries) to "spill" on the kiddies when some awful person jostles your elbow.

[It shouldn't]

The parade is almost upon us. As they always do, police officers patrol the route.

That's when you tell them to move it, since you were here first. What are they gonna do, start crap in front of police officers.

[wagegoth]

Irish-American parade? Bring a priest and/or an old nun who teaches school.