Advice please for me on Child Rum

[CaroPhoenix]

I'm trying to teach Child Rum safety. The main one being is that when she closes things (doors in the house, the door on the car, the toilet lid sit), she doesn't keep her fingers away and I have to pull her hand(s) away quickly so they don't get hurt. I explain to her that if her fingers got caught, they could be badly bruised and/or broken. Then for the next hour or so, she'll be crying because she wants broken fingers! She'll try to pull this at stores, but I bend down and tell her to please be quiet. How do I convey to her that doing this is not good? And she shouldn't want broken anything?

Also, has anyone had any experience with behavorial therapists? I ask because I might need one for Child Rum. Sometimes, in the evenings, me or Mr. Rum will change the channel to watch one of the shows we like (i.e., "Lie to Me", "Bones", etc.). This will set Child Rum off. She'll start kicking, screaming, and we'll tell her to go to her room, that if she's going to act like that, she's not fit for company and it's better for her to be in her room. We'll raise our voices to her, true (usually to be heard over the racket), but no whippings. She'll go to her room, but then we'll hear booms and crashes. She'll either be kicking a wall in her room, jumping off her bed to the floor or what seems to be her most favorite thing to do: pull all her toys out and throw them on the floor of her room, destroy her toy box, pull her books off the shelves and pull over her bookcase. Her room can be a disaster area at times. (I'm not even going to get into her "repainting" her walls). Would a beahvorial therapist be able to help us? Or should I just talk to her pediatrician about it at her next well child check-up (which is in August).

Thanks!

[BookstoreEscapee]

I don't know anything about behavioral problems, but I would consider making an appointment with the pediatrician to discuss it specifically. S/he will probably be able to give you some names of therapists who have experience with autistic kids. Not sure I'd want to wait until August, if this is something that happens on a fairly regular basis.

[fireheart]

I would probably say a bit of both. Therapist and checkup. Maybe get the doctor to show her some images of people with broken bones/fingers...if that makes sense.

I can't say whether it's effective or not as I don't have kids (not yet anyway) but at the minimum, for the toilet seat and bedroom doors, perhaps tie something soft around it so that fingers don't get jammed. This is only at home though and could probs be removed when she gets older.

[Der Cute]

Do you have a reward point system at all?

Such as "2 min on time out chair for misbehaving" "Oh, good job, you did as you were supposed to - you move up a step towards *goal*" ?

I don't know much about autism or therapy for it, so meltdowns and such I wouldn't have any idea on.

Have you tried your local support group?

Cutenoob

[CaroPhoenix]

Not sure about local support groups. I do have a few people I can talk to. I can even talk to her teacher. (Her kindergarten teacher has been teaching Autism classes for 8 years in this county and for an extra 2 - 3 in another county).

I might just set up an appointment between me and the pediatrician and see what we can do.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I might just set up an appointment between me and the pediatrician and see what we can do.

That's probably your best bet as far as deciding how to proceed.
I'm sure there are some autism sites and forums out there you could probably get better advice from, too.

Good luck

[CaroPhoenix]

Thanks everyone.

The only problem I have with the pediatrician office is that I think Child Rum is the only Autistic patient in the practice.

[RetailWorkhorse]

As for closing the doors, if it's alight weight door, I'd let her do it. Close her little fingers in the door. She'll learn that it hurts and hurts don't feel so hot, so she won't do it again.

As for the rest.........uh....I'm clueless.

[Wingates_Hellsing]

As for closing the doors, if it's alight weight door, I'd let her do it. Close her little fingers in the door. She'll learn that it hurts and hurts don't feel so hot, so she won't do it again.

As for the rest.........uh....I'm clueless.

I'm not adding anything, because that is what I was about to say anyway...

[Becks]

Sometimes, in the evenings, me or Mr. Rum will change the channel to watch one of the shows we like (i.e., "Lie to Me", "Bones", etc.). This will set Child Rum off. She'll start kicking, screaming

On a lighter note, I'd do the same thing if I had to watch Bones.

Just don't like it.

[crashhelmet]

I don't know much of anything about behavioral therapy for a child with autism, but for a child without, i'd go the route of "discipline and deprivation."

For a little clarification, this is how my family was disciplined growing up (my dad is a retired Marine Corps Drill Instructor), it was reinforced while majoring in psychology, and proven valid again teaching music and martial arts to kids of all ages.

Communication is always key. Ask her why she's mad. Explain your side in a rational manner. Stay away from the "because I said so" statements unless things get out of line. Remember that you're the adult, so stay one. If the tantrums continue, then start discipline. make sure the discipline "fits the crime" though.

before I get into that though, is she an only child? Are there issues going on in the house that she might be acting out against? not getting enough attention? Is she spoiled rotten and only strikes out when she doesn't get her way?

If she starts destroying things, take them away. If she throws a fit over TV watching, take away her Tv for a day or two. Whatever. You and Mr. Rum and can get a better idea of how that would all work.

As for the wanting broken fingers thing, a Dr. might be able to show her pictures or x-rays of broken fingers and maybe even missing ones, but it's unknown how that will register in her mind with her desire for them.

The idea is to teach her that what she's doing or wanting is wrong and hoping she understands it and stops it. I know... Easier said than done.

CH

[PhotoChick]

I would talk to her teacher. That's what's she there for, she's probably have ideas and places for you to go. Also mention your thinking of going to the pediatrician. Those in special ed can be a wonderful resource (Daughter of a special ed teacher here).

As for the closing things issue we had that in our house. With 2 it was worse cause most of the time they were closing things on each others hands. My advice: Let her close things, the door, the drawer, the fridge, whatever. Make sure your standing there to help. If her grip is wrong and in a way that she's going to smash her fingers, gently try to reposition them to the right postion and tell her that if her fingers stay there its going to hurt. If she's gripping hard and won't let you move her hand demonstrate the correct grip and let her do it herself.

I think the problem with telling her about broken fingers is she doesn't get it. She's never broken anything so its kind of an abstract to her and young children don't understand abstract very well. I would explain that it would hurt her fingers and maybe follow up with an example of last time she hurt herself.

Unfortunately there will be some accidents and some boo-boo's, but my children are now able to "help" me close things without hurting themselves or each other.


Edit: Just thought of something. Until she can safely close other things do not let her close the car door. There are too many bad things that can happen with that. When she gets out of the car, close the door yourself. maybe ask her to hold something so she doesn't have a free hand to close it?

[CaroPhoenix]

Thanks PhotoChick, I try to hold her hands or have her hold a couple of light grocery bags (if we've just gotten back from the store). Otherwise, she thinks she can do anything she wants 'cos everyone else can, and so why can't she?

@ Becks - You don't like Bones?! Oh noes! But I likes you ... Okay ... You don't have to like it. (but how can one not like a show with David Boreanaz in it? )

I'm going to hunt down a Time Timer. It's what they use in Child Rum's class. It's like an egg timer, but when you set it, the timer changes colors (so if you set it for 15 minutes, there's a red covering up to the 15 minute mark), so when the timer goes back to zero, the red disappears so she can see the time going away and then she can do whatever it is that she wants to do. (Does that make any sense?)

I can use a regular egg timer in the bathtub so she doesn't get too cold and pruney. But using it for other things, just doesn't seem to work.

ETA: I've added a picture of what a Time Timer looks like.

[digilight]

IDR, We have friends who have a severely handicaped child (I don't have any idea of what the handicap truely is if its Autism or something else or a combination, whatever it is though it is severe).

The local county/Easter Seals provides some time with home health care nurses (a certain number of hours a month) as well as different types of therapists and schooling.

Just from what you are discribing I would say that therapists would work wonders, try contacting your local county health/behavioral health departments for more information.

As for the doors, try puting a pencil in the door and slam it. Show her how the pencil broke and that it could have been her finger instead. See if that helps you out.

[Becks]

@ Becks - You don't like Bones?! Oh noes! But I likes you ... Okay ... You don't have to like it. (but how can one not like a show with David Boreanaz in it? )

I like you, too. :batting eyelashes:

It's not him (DB) that I have issues with.

It's HER. Title character. I tried watching that show...for more than one season, even. Just wanted to punch the TV every week.