Help needed: I want to avoid the Friendzone

[taurinejunkie]

There's this new girl who's been working here for maybe two months. One of the first conversations I had with her was when I noticed we smoke the same cigarillos on our breaks; this led to later discovering we have another smoking habit in common, and me suggesting we should smoke together sometime. We did just that a few days ago with a (male, taken, if that's relevant at all? I wouldn't know) coworker, in her car parked a few blocks away from workplace.

Now I'm thinking I'll try and get to smoke with her again, this time just me and her, and then before we split up and head home, I would ask if she feels like going to a movie sometime.

Oh and if it matters at all, I have her cellphone number from the time I needed to check my schedule to see when we could smoke together, and her e-mail that I just asked for without any particular reason.

So I would like to know if I'm likely already in friendzone, if the plan I have is good, and how to get/stay out of Friendzone and move to more awesomeness, along with any other relevant advice anyone may have.

Those of you who are socially gifted enough to feel like they can laugh at my social retardation will be ignored, and are told in advance to go DIAF.

[blas]

I think it's a little too early to tell. Wait and see if she accepts, first of all, and then see how she acts at the movie or wherever you two end up going.

A few years ago, I was a little too scared of hurting feelings to say that I only thought of some guys as friends. Although it isn't totally my fault here, it's probablya small part of the reason this one kid began stalking me.....

Nowadays I'm very upfront and honest, but I may come across as rude, bitchy, or stuckup. But I figure a slight ego blow now is better for a guy than to lead him on in any way, even if I don't mean to, because some guys will pick up on any attention as positive and "love" attention.

If she avoids physical contact (like making sure to not get too close to you when walking and keeps her hands in her pockets or clasped to her purse or in general, way away from you) and talks a lot about other guys in a romantic way, then she definetly only wants to be friends.

[taurinejunkie]

Physical contact, well there hasn't really been much in that department **, but on the good side she did accept when I offered her a few... "hits"? (sorry, English is my 2nd language) from my cigar as she didn't have any and it was my last one.

**there hasn't really been anything other than highfiving when I help her with difficult calls and stuff that's not in our training that one has to learn on the field. I don't know if it was smart of me to extend my hand for the high-five the first time the situation happened, but I've kept doing it and she responds (she does high-five me). And I guess I could, at some point, keep contact with her hand just a bit longer than one would expect on a high-five in order to send a little message.


Interest in other guys, well there's another guy who seems to be possibly interested in her, and who is, by race, naturally better equipped to please a woman; I haven't really noticed how she acts towards him though, just saw them talking together while I was taking calls, me sitting on her left and he on her right. I wonder if I should make it clear to him that there are smarter things to do than pursuing romantic intentions with the same woman as I do.

*sigh* holy crap. it's been long since a girl put me in this state of worrying.

[Evil Queen]

Bad idea to date co-workers.

[Gerrinson]

Bad idea to date co-workers.

REALLY bad idea. Don't do it. Seriously. Enjoy my . They were earned the hard way.

Don't do it the hard way.

Trust me.

[friendofjimmyk]

Bad idea to date co-workers.

I third this motion.

[taurinejunkie]

I know it's generally a bad idea to date a coworker, but I also know that I'm a metalhead, which means my dating pool is reduced to metalhead girls, and she's the only one I know, and it seemed like it would have worked fine

In any case, I saw signs today that would indicate she is indeed interested in that racially advantaged guy, so if he is interested in her, I'm SOL.

Time to move the fuck on I guess, and accept that I have to make a choice between becoming one of those carbon-copied gangsta pricks and being single forever. Both of which I refuse to consider right now.

Anyone knows the song "No Leaf Clover"?
Story of my love life.

[Jester]

411Guy, I think you might benefit from reading my latest comments in The Honest Asshole (linked in my signature), as they were to someone with a vaguely similar situation. That being said, I do have a few comments for you. (And since English, as you said, is not your first language, you might want to have one of your bilingual friends translate this into your primary language so you get it all.)

First of all, understand that while I am socially gifted, none of this is meant to mock you or laugh at you, because I am also socially inept. The two are not mutually exclusive....I became gifted by learning from my mistakes from being inept. That being said, my advice can be a little in-your-face at times, so if it offends you, my apologies, tell me to go die in a fire, but understand that all of this was meant to sincerely help.

You say that being a metalhead you are limited to metalhead girls. The only thing limiting you to meatlead girls is your own decision to self-limit. If that is something that you require in a girl, so be it, but I personally don't see why you need to so severely limit yourself like that.

Also, while it is generally a bad idea to date coworkers, this girls has struck your fancy, so go for it. And by "go for it" I do NOT mean "sending signals." I have some news for you--generally speaking, those subtle signals we as guys try to send girls or pick up from them are pretty much garbage. They are neither sent by nor received by said girls. In these situations, you need to be a lot less subtle and a lot more obvious. Like, say, calling her on the phone (since you DO have her number) and asking her out. Yes, I am serious. What's the worst thing she can say? No? So she says no and you move on to the next chapter, rather than lingering on this one pining away for her. I've done both. Trust me, the direct route is FAR better, even if it is not necessarily easier.

On a side note, the thing about the other coworker being "racially" more able to please her is a bunch of horse dung. Not all black men are hung like Secretariat, dude. And more importantly, a lot of girls don't care. Chances are if she starts dating him, it is because she is interested in him as a person and a man, NOT just as a dildo with legs. And if she IS only interested in him for his schlong well, let's be honest, that is not hte kind of girl you really want to waste your time on.

So yeah, call her up, whatever. And stop looking for signals. The best signal you can send is being direct and upfront. And maybe, just maybe, you'll get the signal back from her that you want: "Why yes. I would love to." But you sure as hell won't get that from her unless you take a chance and go for it.

[blas]

In all honesty, I wouldn't be too worried about the other guy's race or....penis size, if you're really that interested in this girl.

I know for a fact there are lots of girls out there who are skinner than me and could probably do all kinds of acrobatic and interesting sex positions that I can't because I'm not shaped that way. But I feel comforted in the fact that my body is sexy and I have curves and even if I can't bend over backwards (for very long), I have a nice body to look at and hips for a guy to hold on to..I won't go any further on that one now.....just trying to provide an example.

If you want a better explanation....it's not all about the dick size. Sure, I'm not going to lie. Bigger is better....but if the guy's penis is the only good thing about him physically, then nope. Nope.

[Jester]

I know for a fact there are lots of girls out there who are skinner than me and could probably do all kinds of acrobatic and interesting sex positions that I can't because I'm not shaped that way.

As another example, I myself have dated both a personal trainer and a gymnast. Both very limber. Both, however, were also very psychotic. And one happens to be That Vile Woman, the worst girlfriend I ever had, and frankly, if I never see her again, it will be too soon.

Physical gifts only play one part of any relationship. They should never be THE relationship itself, if you follow me.

[taurinejunkie]

You say that being a metalhead you are limited to metalhead girls. The only thing limiting you to meatlead girls is your own decision to self-limit.

Spending time in a college where I was pretty much the only metalhead taught me that girls outside the metal community are, generally speaking, afraid of metalheads. Which is something I have come to accept, making it so that I won't even bother trying if a girl I like isn't a metalhead.

Also, while it is generally a bad idea to date coworkers, this girls has struck your fancy, so go for it. Like, say, calling her on the phone (since you DO have her number) and asking her out.

She gets off work in about 40 minutes, I think I will call her then.

On a side note, the thing about the other coworker being "racially" more able to please her is a bunch of horse dung.

The way I see it, being well hung is a plus, and one that is apparent from his skin color, so that at first sight he is a better partner than I am, and I am fairly sure first impression means a LOT.

So yeah, call her up, whatever. And stop looking for signals. The best signal you can send is being direct and upfront. But you sure as hell won't get that from her unless you take a chance and go for it.

I will go for it, in fact I've been thinking of what non-work activity I want to do and I'm really not sure. Suggestions?

Also, anyone who wants to help me 'live' which I think would probably work better, feel free to hit me up on your preferred instant messaging client. I'm online for about two hours, though this site's online-indicating doesn't work with the IM manager I use.

[blas]

Exactly Jester. You just word it better than I can

[Lil Bunny]

Spending time in a college where I was pretty much the only metalhead taught me that girls outside the metal community are, generally speaking, afraid of metalheads. Which is something I have come to accept, making it so that I won't even bother trying if a girl I like isn't a metalhead.

*waves* Hi there. Being that I'm married to a metalhead with his own band, I call bullshit. I can bear with the screaming death metal they do or that he blares in his car, due to the sheer force that I love him. And I have a good supply of ear plugs. I'd rather blare punk, rock or electric. (hey Snaps? See you later f*face!!) We do exist. Then again it helps if you've been out of college for a while.

Just sayin.

[taurinejunkie]

Lil Bunny - Thanks for the info. Hopefully you're not the only one of your kind, and there is another one who isn't currently taken.

Update on situation:
I decided against calling the girl, because it's 10PM, and I'm pretty sure she just wants to go to bed by now. I'll just talk to her tomorrow at work.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Spending time in a college where I was pretty much the only metalhead taught me that girls outside the metal community are, generally speaking, afraid of metalheads. Which is something I have come to accept, making it so that I won't even bother trying if a girl I like isn't a metalhead.
.

If it is true that girls outside the metal community are afraid of metalheads, and she's already friendly with you, that's a good thing. It's especially good if she was, until she got to know you a bit, afraid of you. Because nothing is more exciting than hanging out with a guy who you are just a tiny bit afraid of.

Don't believe me? Why do women go for the bad boy, then? Why do women date jerks? Women don't want to date jerks. They want to date exciting. Unfortunately, the thing that makes guys exciting frequently also makes them jerks. If you can pull of scary without actually BEING a bad guy...you will be golden. .[/QUOTE]

The way I see it, being well hung is a plus, and one that is apparent from his skin color, .

No, it most certainly is not.

so that at first sight he is a better partner than I am, and I am fairly sure first impression means a LOT. .

If you think that that is the first thing women think about upon meeting a man, you would be mistaken. You are not giving the lady a whole lot of credit here, and considering that she's someone you actually like, that's kind of not cool.

Also, got news for you, big wangs do not immediately equal good lovers. Big wangs also do not immediately equal a fun date, a good boyfriend, or any other equally foolish assumption.

Dildos are available for purchase. I can pretty much promise you that if that is all that a woman is interested in, she can get one much easier than making stereotypical assumptions about strange men.

Have a little more respect for this woman, please. And have a little more for yourself. You're basically saying that you are worth less than an spare inch or two on another guy's dick. I hardly think that is the case.

I will go for it, in fact I've been thinking of what non-work activity I want to do and I'm really not sure. Suggestions? .

Well, any metal shows you could go to? You need to do something that will give you both something to talk about after.

Whatever you do, do not say something like "You want to go out sometimes?" Kiss of death. Don't ever say that. Say something like "Come with me to (whatever it is you decide on) this saturday. I promise you'll have fun."

That's confident, it's decisive, and sounds like you've got a plan.