*speechless* What do I do?

[crazylegs]

Ooh Boy.

Now that we've established who thinks what with regards to mental illness the subject will now be dropped. If you want to carry on the discussion do so here.

[Jester]

Bus, I was not talking about bringing up the potential mental disorder to the person being discussed. I was talking about bringing it up about the person being discussed. There is, of course, a distinct difference.

[BusBus]

Jester....

I think it is a no win situation whether or not one decides to suggest if a mental disorder is partially/completely responsible for unusual/unacceptable/undesireable behaviour

Case in point:

-person displays <insert unwanted behaviour here>, they are advised that they are being a fuck toad, person advises that they have <insert mental disorder here> and that today is not one of their best days...oops

-person displays <insert unwanted behaviour here>, they are advised that they are displaying symptoms of <insert mental disorder here>, person advises that they are not mentally ill and not to assume that <insert unwanted behaviour here> means that they are mentally ill ....oops


This stems from my owns experiences dealing with my own mental disorder-most days are fine, but some days are difficult and I may act differently, but only to try to get through the day mentally intact. I'm not being cold or bitchy, just try to keep myself together.

[BusBus]

If she's trying to get preggos, then you might want to mention that if she cannot afford the pregnancy test, then she definitely won't be able to support herself and the baby.

[xabanga]

See if you can get her tested for any STDs. There's places that do it for free (or very cheap)

[Jester]

Sorry you feel that way.

I was not discounting the possibility that little sis maybe just needs a big reality check upside the head.

I know you gave more than one option. But it just seems that anytime someone is acting like an idiot, someone suggests a disorder or syndrome or mental illness, and quite often the favorite targeted one is bipolarism. I have heard too many people blame it for too many things that really have no relationship to it at all.

I am not saying the little sister is not bipolar. I am not a trained professional, after all. I just think that a. bipolarism gets blamed for way too much, and b. little sister is probably just being a fuck toad.

Oh, and inform her that you don't want your parents getting into trouble for her misbehaviours, so if she continues to steal, she has to be out of their house and living on her own.

If they don't kick her out, they run the risk of being some variant of accessory, or of 'receiving stolen goods'.

Um, I believe that the sister was actually stealing FROM the parents, as in cash, so it seems unlikely that they are going to get in trouble for being victims of this little pest.

[Seshat]

If the behaviour is out of character, get her evaluated if you possibly can.

If the behaviour is (sadly) in character, I recommend my parents' little life lesson: "Do whatever you want, BUT make it an informed decision."

Give her that, and the stuff in my sig.

Oh, and inform her that you don't want your parents getting into trouble for her misbehaviours, so if she continues to steal, she has to be out of their house and living on her own.

If they don't kick her out, they run the risk of being some variant of accessory, or of 'receiving stolen goods'. So invite her to either stop stealing, or leave home. And if she does neither, I recommend finding a sympathetic cop and getting his advice on protecting your parents.

[BookstoreEscapee]

As a son of a bipolar and someone who has many bipolar traits, I object to this particular disorder once again being trotted out as a possible reason for someone acting like a fuck toad, rather than the more logical and reasonable assumption that they are, simply put, acting like a fuck toad.

Sorry you feel that way. I also suggested that there could be other issues that might benefit from an evaluation by a professional who knows more than a bunch of strangers on the internet. If this behavior is out of character (we really don't know) there could well be something else going on and it may be worth looking into. However, I was not discounting the possibility that little sis maybe just needs a big reality check upside the head.

[Jester]

A lot of people are saying there is nothing you can do. I disagree. Well, I agree that YOU can't do anything, but your PARENTS sure as fuck can. You, on the other hand, can advise them.

Brief detour: years ago, when I was 19, I spent the summer in New Jersey since two cousins and two sisters AND a good friend were all graduating college or high school. For that summer, my mother let me use her car, so long as I got her to work on time in the morning and picked her up from work when she was done. No problem. She also let me use the car at night if I wanted to and she wasn't using it...and since my stepfather also had a car, this was not an issue.

One morning, my mother asked me what time I had gotten in the night before. I was honest and told her (don't remember, but let's say it was 3 am). Mom told me she didn't really want me out that late. I said, "Mom, I'm 19. I don't have a curfew!" Then Mom checkmated me. "You're right. You don't have a curfew. You can stay out as late as you want. But I want my car back by midnight." Me:

Your parents can do the same thing. "My house, my rules." And it sounds like she is not paying rent. So, enforce the rules. Sure, she'll probably have sex with the guy elsewhere....but why make it easy on her? As for the stealing money, your parents, if they know she is stealing from them, need to not leave their wallets/purses/money where she can get to them. They don't have to throw her out, but they can sure make a point right quick. And if she doesn't like it? She can leave.

Is there any chance she could be bipolar or anything like that?

As a son of a bipolar and someone who has many bipolar traits, I object to this particular disorder once again being trotted out as a possible reason for someone acting like a fuck toad, rather than the more logical and reasonable assumption that they are, simply put, acting like a fuck toad.

[Der Cute]

Tough love, and support to parental units, but don't be telling her what to do.

When I was a teen, I started having sex. Cuz, 2 big reasons: Hormones and Attention. I had one, and needed the other. I did some seriously dumb sh!t between then and Mid-20s.

But, when I was over 18 - I did what I wanted to. I had the freedom. It's a great feeling, if you've been repressed...but it can get really hairy sometimes.

I'm sorry she's doing this. I hope you give her a hug, and say "I love you. Even if you are doing something people may not agree with." and leave it there.

Cutenoob

[Emrld]

I have to agree with the tough love votes. - with the side reminder of you are not the parent in this situation - so it isn't really up to you to do anything but have ears and hugs.

As for you personally be there for your Mom and Step Dad. Do your best to try not to get in the middle of all of the drama.

Hang in there

[BookstoreEscapee]

Is there any chance she could be bipolar or anything like that? Some people in the manic stages get into things like stealing, risky sex, drugs, etc. Or there could be other things going on; it might be worth trying to get her evaluated by a doctor (if she refuses, I don't know that there's much you can do, though, unless a court were to declare her incompetent, which just from what you wrote doesn't sound too likely).

She may be an adult in the eyes of the law, but she definitely has a lot of growing up to do. I agree with sliceanddice...if she's really stealing cash to buy pregnancy tests, pregnancy is probably what she is aiming for. If you decide to sit her down for that little chat, you might want to ask how she plans to take care of a child.

[tropicsgoddess]

Unfortunately there's nothing you could do since she is an adult, but its still pretty risky and not to mention stupid with what shes doing. She's luck shes not my sister, or I would've reamed her out BAD. She could make herself useful and get a job or at least go to school instead of upping her ante on getting an STD or getting knocked up and becoming a welfare case.

[Shards]

If your parents aren't willing to do that, then there's little more they can do for her besides catching her in the act of stealing and having her arrested. Getting arrested because your parents called the police on you might be enough of a wake up call. I'm pessimistic enough to say it won't, but I'm negative like that.

Needs to be repeated, because it's the only thing that'll help. Get with the tough love, and make her fend for herself, or at least make her sit behind the bars of a jailhouse for a bit from the theft, see how that works.

[wagegoth]

She definitely needs a knock up side the head. Your mom and stepdad have to tell her flat out that if she is not going to get a job or go back to school, then she has to move out. She also has to move out if she is going to continue to have unprotected sex, whether she gets pregnant or not. She's obviously gotten away with doing nothing about her life. She's old enough to start.