*speechless* What do I do?

[orcprincess]

Wow. I am just speechless right now. So my mom calls me yesterday. Tells me they have found out that my sister is having unprotected sex in the house with some guy she met on Thursday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is also stealing money to buy, nope, not condoms, pregnancy tests!!!!!! Her reasoning??? Because she is an adult. Yes. She is 20. Big deal. I mean, with every disease out there, and she doesn't know this guy, and she just doesn't care!

We have told her previously just to just focus on trying to find a job, or try to go to school....anything. Nope. She does this instead!!! I just don't know. I am angry, sad, scared. My poor stepdad can't even be angry with her because he is sick with liver complications.

I just needed to get this out, and off my chest.

Thanks.

[crazylegs]

There isn't a great deal you can do unfortunately, she is legally an adult and is entitled to make whatever mistakes she so chooses. All you can do is be there to help pick up the pieces.

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

I agree with CrazyLegs. Not much you can do, and she wouldn't listen anyway.

Though if it was MY sister (who is 2 years older than me and only has protected sex), I'd tell her she's a damn moron and any diseases she gets are due to her own idiocy.

Then just wait for her to wise up or get in trouble (sick or pregnant) and hope she learns her lesson.

Here's hoping she doesn't catch something deadly/incurable.

[Evil Queen]

She's going to wind up making a BIG MISTAKE, at which point she'll grow up (hopefully). Since she doesn't seem to be able to listen to reason, it looks like you are stuck having to wait until BIG MISTAKE smacks her on the back of the head and screams "GROW UP!" at her.

Not the best of ways to learn the hard way, but it seems to work for so many. <sigh>

[Greenday]

Ask her that if you buy her some condoms, would she at least use them? BC might be a good suggestion too.

[Sliceanddice]

um pregnancy test?
shes trying to get pregnant
.... i really dont want to point out what that means...

[Gerrinson]

Let me say, at the start, that I'm an a**hole. To me, this is clearly a case for tough love.

Your sister is clearly either willingly self-destructive or just doesn't care. And stealing money to support this particular habit.

Either way, my advice is to boot her the hell out. You want to be an adult? Congrats, you're an adult. That means you need to find your own place to live and support yourself, effective immediately. Enjoy!

If your parents aren't willing to do that, then there's little more they can do for her besides catching her in the act of stealing and having her arrested. Getting arrested because your parents called the police on you might be enough of a wake up call. I'm pessimistic enough to say it won't, but I'm negative like that.

[One-Fang]

I'd probably sit her down for a chat. Tell her first that yes, she's an adult, and yes, she's entitled to act however she wants, and she's still entitled to after this chat, you just want some time first to discuss some issues around what she's doing, and then she can still make up her own mind.

Then I'd go into STDs, being a welfare case the rest of your life, and the positive aspects of a job, money, freedom, with no governmental or child hangups holding you back. And the freedom to continue to have sex with whoever you want because you're not infected with something that makes it a felony for you to have sex with anyone. I wouldn't mention dying of AIDS because that's like sooo OTT, y'no?

Then yeah, let her make her own mind up. If she still wants to aim for being a welfare case, there's not a lot you can do.

[Amina516]

With your sister being 20, your mom *could* kick her out the house. As for the stolen money, call the cops. Thats ridiculous that your mom or stepdad whould have to deal with an immature "adult" like that.

And she better grow up before she gets an STD that incurable and debilitating.

What are the pregnancy tests for is she only met this dude on Thursday? They wont be positive for a while anyways. (And I highly doubt shes stealing money for pregnancy tests anyway, shes probably into some other stuff ie. drugs, or its for the guy(s). )

Sorry, tough love is the way to go sometimes. (IMO only!!)

[wagegoth]

She definitely needs a knock up side the head. Your mom and stepdad have to tell her flat out that if she is not going to get a job or go back to school, then she has to move out. She also has to move out if she is going to continue to have unprotected sex, whether she gets pregnant or not. She's obviously gotten away with doing nothing about her life. She's old enough to start.

[Shards]

If your parents aren't willing to do that, then there's little more they can do for her besides catching her in the act of stealing and having her arrested. Getting arrested because your parents called the police on you might be enough of a wake up call. I'm pessimistic enough to say it won't, but I'm negative like that.

Needs to be repeated, because it's the only thing that'll help. Get with the tough love, and make her fend for herself, or at least make her sit behind the bars of a jailhouse for a bit from the theft, see how that works.

[tropicsgoddess]

Unfortunately there's nothing you could do since she is an adult, but its still pretty risky and not to mention stupid with what shes doing. She's luck shes not my sister, or I would've reamed her out BAD. She could make herself useful and get a job or at least go to school instead of upping her ante on getting an STD or getting knocked up and becoming a welfare case.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Is there any chance she could be bipolar or anything like that? Some people in the manic stages get into things like stealing, risky sex, drugs, etc. Or there could be other things going on; it might be worth trying to get her evaluated by a doctor (if she refuses, I don't know that there's much you can do, though, unless a court were to declare her incompetent, which just from what you wrote doesn't sound too likely).

She may be an adult in the eyes of the law, but she definitely has a lot of growing up to do. I agree with sliceanddice...if she's really stealing cash to buy pregnancy tests, pregnancy is probably what she is aiming for. If you decide to sit her down for that little chat, you might want to ask how she plans to take care of a child.

[Emrld]

I have to agree with the tough love votes. - with the side reminder of you are not the parent in this situation - so it isn't really up to you to do anything but have ears and hugs.

As for you personally be there for your Mom and Step Dad. Do your best to try not to get in the middle of all of the drama.

Hang in there

[Der Cute]

Tough love, and support to parental units, but don't be telling her what to do.

When I was a teen, I started having sex. Cuz, 2 big reasons: Hormones and Attention. I had one, and needed the other. I did some seriously dumb sh!t between then and Mid-20s.

But, when I was over 18 - I did what I wanted to. I had the freedom. It's a great feeling, if you've been repressed...but it can get really hairy sometimes.

I'm sorry she's doing this. I hope you give her a hug, and say "I love you. Even if you are doing something people may not agree with." and leave it there.

Cutenoob