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I quit smoking last summer and I'm having trouble controlling my cravings.
Alright, it's actually a little more complicated than that…gather 'round if you want to hear an epic tale.
I met this wonderful young man in college. He was my best friend for about a year before he became my lover. I graduated a semester before him, but still we were inseparable. It was true love and everyone could hear wedding bells in the air.
Well, everyone but him it seems.
We moved in together about a year after graduating college, I was teaching and he was…working on his screen play in between video games and his more or less part time job. There was a little bit of bitterness.
We fought—a lot.
Last April, after about nine months of living together, we broke up. We were together just about four and a half years and we came to the conclusion we no longer were in love. That night I got shit faced with a friend (Irish cream and chocolate milk, so yummy), he got shit faced with his friend, and two weeks later I was living alone.
It sucked—a lot. I was lonely even with my brand spanking new kitty (I got the apartment, he got "our" cat), and I felt kind of...unfinished. I don't need someone to be complete, but I like the idea of sharing my life.
My summer job went kaplooey so I was alone, bored, and becoming a little nervous money wise.
So I joined an online dating site, but only because it was free. I had a few unsuccessful dates and met a few really creepy assholes. I decided I really needed to come out of my shell and if I kept waiting for someone to find me, I was going to miss something.
Unfortunately, I'm painfully painfully shy, so this idea kind of sucked.
However, there was one profile that caught my eye—he was cute as hell, seemed like a lot of fun, and lived close by. The only problem was he didn't date people who drank or smoke and well, I drank and smoked.
So I sent him a quick little "hey, like your profile" message thinking that since I'm not actually trying to hit on him I can't get rejected, so it was the prefect exercise in coming out of my shell.
Then he messaged me back...and we kept up the correspondence for a little while.
Shit, he's awesome...I kind of like him.
Last July we made plans to hang out as friends and, well, to make a long story short (too late), one thing led to another.
I was smitten.
He was smitten.
There was a lot of smit.
But there was still the whole "I can't date you 'cause you ingest toxins" thing to work through. It’s a bit of a long(er) story, but there was no option of him adjusting, just me.
I had already decided to half ass quit smoking because my cloves were up to eight bucks a pack, so there was really only the question of booze. When all was said and done could I really say drinking was more important to me than this man?
There was no pressure, no "get back to me by <blank> date," just space to let me make my decision.
So I did the sensible thing and thought long and hard...for a whole day. We've been together ever since (no one has ever done this for him, so he was blown away that I would chose him over my vices).
It's pretty easy not to drink anymore. Oh sure, there are some nights when I'll make puppy eyes at the concoctions my friends toss back, but all in all I don't miss it.
Smoking, however...oh dear god there are days when I miss my death sticks. My commute feels longer, and every time I see someone inhaling fire I just want to steal their amazing death contraption and book it. I quit more or less cold turkey—I rationed my last pack and when it was empty (sometime around July/August), I was done.
If I wasn't with him, if he didn't make this all worth it, I would be happily sucking smoke into my lungs right now. I've quit before, but I've never had to stay quit before, and there are some days when it just feels like an epic struggle I just don't want to fight any more...then he tells me how much he loves me and I melt.
Stupid love ruining everything.
I guess there was no real point to this post. I'm a little stressed so I needed to vent, but I'm not in the mood to vent about my stress, if that makes sense.
I do feel kind of better, thanks for reading my ramble.
Although, if anyone has any tips I'd love to hear them.
Alright, it's actually a little more complicated than that…gather 'round if you want to hear an epic tale.
I met this wonderful young man in college. He was my best friend for about a year before he became my lover. I graduated a semester before him, but still we were inseparable. It was true love and everyone could hear wedding bells in the air.
Well, everyone but him it seems.
We moved in together about a year after graduating college, I was teaching and he was…working on his screen play in between video games and his more or less part time job. There was a little bit of bitterness.
We fought—a lot.
Last April, after about nine months of living together, we broke up. We were together just about four and a half years and we came to the conclusion we no longer were in love. That night I got shit faced with a friend (Irish cream and chocolate milk, so yummy), he got shit faced with his friend, and two weeks later I was living alone.
It sucked—a lot. I was lonely even with my brand spanking new kitty (I got the apartment, he got "our" cat), and I felt kind of...unfinished. I don't need someone to be complete, but I like the idea of sharing my life.
My summer job went kaplooey so I was alone, bored, and becoming a little nervous money wise.
So I joined an online dating site, but only because it was free. I had a few unsuccessful dates and met a few really creepy assholes. I decided I really needed to come out of my shell and if I kept waiting for someone to find me, I was going to miss something.
Unfortunately, I'm painfully painfully shy, so this idea kind of sucked.
However, there was one profile that caught my eye—he was cute as hell, seemed like a lot of fun, and lived close by. The only problem was he didn't date people who drank or smoke and well, I drank and smoked.
So I sent him a quick little "hey, like your profile" message thinking that since I'm not actually trying to hit on him I can't get rejected, so it was the prefect exercise in coming out of my shell.
Then he messaged me back...and we kept up the correspondence for a little while.
Shit, he's awesome...I kind of like him.
Last July we made plans to hang out as friends and, well, to make a long story short (too late), one thing led to another.
I was smitten.
He was smitten.
There was a lot of smit.
But there was still the whole "I can't date you 'cause you ingest toxins" thing to work through. It’s a bit of a long(er) story, but there was no option of him adjusting, just me.
I had already decided to half ass quit smoking because my cloves were up to eight bucks a pack, so there was really only the question of booze. When all was said and done could I really say drinking was more important to me than this man?
There was no pressure, no "get back to me by <blank> date," just space to let me make my decision.
So I did the sensible thing and thought long and hard...for a whole day. We've been together ever since (no one has ever done this for him, so he was blown away that I would chose him over my vices).
It's pretty easy not to drink anymore. Oh sure, there are some nights when I'll make puppy eyes at the concoctions my friends toss back, but all in all I don't miss it.
Smoking, however...oh dear god there are days when I miss my death sticks. My commute feels longer, and every time I see someone inhaling fire I just want to steal their amazing death contraption and book it. I quit more or less cold turkey—I rationed my last pack and when it was empty (sometime around July/August), I was done.
If I wasn't with him, if he didn't make this all worth it, I would be happily sucking smoke into my lungs right now. I've quit before, but I've never had to stay quit before, and there are some days when it just feels like an epic struggle I just don't want to fight any more...then he tells me how much he loves me and I melt.
Stupid love ruining everything.
I guess there was no real point to this post. I'm a little stressed so I needed to vent, but I'm not in the mood to vent about my stress, if that makes sense.
I do feel kind of better, thanks for reading my ramble. Although, if anyone has any tips I'd love to hear them.
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