What to Do About My Roommie and His Girlfriend

[RecoveringKinkoid]

If it will make you feel better to call him on it, call him on it. Just as long as you understand that it won't do a thing to change things. Because it won't.

[Akasa]

Abusers rarely change and if she's been with him for years he has her convinced he's the best she'll get and she can't get along w/o him.
I was able to see the light and get out, but many don't.

[Eireann]

Keep in mind that anything you do say to him, will almost certainly rebound on her. She's his dumping ground for everything bad that has ever happened in his life, and if you criticize his actions, he'll take it out on her. He's probably abusing her physically as well as verbally, because she's letting him treat her like shit. It's all too easy for me to imagine what he'd do to her.

If you do say something, I agree with those who suggested doing it on your way out. Speak to him in a low voice, don't invade his space, and let him know that you've seen the way he treats his girlfriend, that this isn't the way you behave with someone you love, that you're worried for both of them, that neither of them will ever be happy as long as this behavior continues, and that if he ever needs to talk about things that are bothering him, he can call you. It may just save her a beating... or save her life.

[friendofjimmyk]

Greenday. I believe she may be a hopeless cause.

God, I can't believe I said that.

It may seem cold and heartless...but I agree. If she stays...its her problem.

She's a volunteer, not a victim.

[Jester]

You can't help those who won't help themselves. The sad truth may be that there is not a damn thing you can do.

That being said, before you look out for her or him, you have to look out for yourself. So if you do say something, say it on your way out. My suggestion: on the last day, as you hoist your last bag over your shoulder, tell him just what you think of him and his behavior....and then walk away, knowing that what you said probably will have no effect and you will probably never deal with these two ever again.

[draftermatt]

In the same line as Jester, wait till you're leaving and say

"You know, it's not my place to say anything, but I can't help but wonder what in the world your girl sees in you. If someone spoke to me like you do to her, I'd kick them to the curb"

And then just keep walking.

[protege]

Yep, he's not going to change, and she's an idiot for staying with him. You can't help those who won't help themselves.

Of course, there's always the *reverse* situation. I knew a guy in college, who had a girlfriend...who would beat the crap out of him. Seriously--it seemed that the smallest things would set her off, and she'd not only scream at him, but usually hit him as well. Not really much we could do...and yes, it did get worse. Junior year, she nearly choked him

Did he dump her ass? Of course not. Things got even more bizarre after that. What was odd, is that if they were alone, both were fine--they were pleasant to be around. It was only when they were together, that trouble started.

The most bizarre event...had to be towards the end of our sophomore year. Seems that he was working in one of the computer labs one night, and for some reason, the building's door got locked. His G/F was looking for him, and rather than wait until he was off work....climbed the fire escape in order to be with him

I wish I was making that up, but several people told me about it...including one of the security guards! Anyway, for the rest of the year, we couldn't resist imitating Beavis & Butthead "Fire, fire fire... heh heh..." Did they get the joke? Of course not. Hell, they even did it with us!

I mean, we tried to like him, respect him, etc. But, it was difficult, simply because he (and pardon my French) needed to grow some fucking balls.

From what I understand now, they're married and have a family. I have no idea if things have settled down, but I've heard rumors that they haven't. In fact, a few people have told me that their roles have flip-flopped

[dalesys]

Yes, they probably won't change, whatever Greenday says.

However, I know some of us (definitely me) would not have changed our destructive behaviors without family, friends, aquaintances, strangers & brutal realities kicking us in the teeth repeatedly.

Greenday, do what you choose to do, not for them, but because the kind of person you want to be will not walk on by in silence.

[sexiphatchick]

Unfortunately, there's really nothing you CAN do, unless you've seen him hit or physically abuse her. Then you could call the cops. But unless that happens, it's up to her to do something about it.

[NateTheChops]

Your roommate and his girlfriend didn't happen to move from Vermont did they? I swear you're describing one of my ex-roommates.