Question for all the girls.

[Plaidman]

So a quick question for all the girls. I have a friend who has had a problem. So he asked me to ask you all.

He can be emotional at times. Not like crying because he spilled milk, but he has feelings, and isn't afraid to show them. But it seems every one of his past girlfriends can't deal with that, and dump him and say that he doesn't get a second chance. Yet they'll repeatly go back to past boyfriends who hurt them deeply. Or cheat on them. Or drink themselves to a stupor.

So he wants to know. What do you girls perfer. A man who keeps his feelings guarded, or a man who shows and talks about his feelings.

[Akasa]

As long as he's not the kind to get upset at everything all the time and act like a whiney EW/SC, then the kind that shows and talks about feelings.
I have to throw that first part in there because I've dated guys who labeled themselves as "nice guy"s who weren't. They were emotional, and emotionally/mentally abusive.

[Kheldarson]

I like a guy who can talk to me about anything. Someone I can confide my emotions in, and he to me. But I don't want somebody overly emotional or clingy. I don't cling like that and refuse to be with someone who clings like that. Showing his emotions to others is optional, but he needs to be open with me.

Hence my current bf ^__^

[Chazzie]

My boy constantly talks to me about how he feels. I adore it, because if he didn't, I'd constantly be wondering what's on his mind. Men shouldn't have to be so prideful and hide their feelings. They should be able to talk to someone they care about about themselves. And if a girl's not interested in knowing how he feels, he deserves better.

[Kittish]

I like a guy who can talk to me about anything. Someone I can confide my emotions in, and he to me. But I don't want somebody overly emotional or clingy. I don't cling like that and refuse to be with someone who clings like that. Showing his emotions to others is optional, but he needs to be open with me.

Hence my current bf ^__^

This. Showing emotions is great. Being whiny and clingy is NOT.

[One-Fang]

I suspect that there are different types of both women and men out there ...

Women who want a real relationship are okay with men who are somewhat emotional. Women who have dumped him for it are probably just wanting a good time with someone. That may be the kind of woman he's attracted to ... and in that case, if he keeps choosing them, he's going to keep getting dumped.

Bottom line, there are nice girls out there, but he may be choosing to date the skanky ho's. Perhaps the problem is not women not accepting him with his emotions, but what kind of woman he seeks out for relationships.

[Plaidman]

He isnt whiny or clingy. At least not that I know of, but I'm not in his relationship 24/7.

His past girlfriends, at least the ones I know of, were pretty nice, smart woman. I don't understand why they would do what they did myself.

He might be too nice at times, he tends to put others feelings before himself. IMO, he might have a slightly shewed version of what friendships and relationships are about. I belive, (though I could be wrong) that he tends to think friendships and relationships that they NEED to be 24 happy happy. No fights. because good couples shouldn't fight. Good friends shouldn't fight. His past girlfriends have been with him, and once they are happy and feel good, they dump him and move on to some jackass, and completly shut him out of their lives, no longer wanting to be even a freind to him.

[Rapscallion]

Dude - different women will be happy with different boys.

Rapscallion

[Taboo]

IMO, he might have a slightly shewed version of what friendships and relationships are about. I belive, (though I could be wrong) that he tends to think friendships and relationships that they NEED to be 24 happy happy. No fights. because good couples shouldn't fight.

This is probably one of the major issues.

I don't date abusive guys, and I certainly don't go back to abusive ex's, but I can stay that someone who refused to ever allow a fight in a relationship would drive me insane. It's actually unhealthy to never fight. Sure, it's bad if you're *always* fighting, or if your fights involve someone hitting someone else - but if you never fight, all of the little issues that normally wouldn't matter get bottled up. Over time they grow, and by then, it's easier to just dump someone than to try to have a discussion with someone who is that afraid of conflict.

I don't know if there are other problems going on, or if he's making bad choices in who he dates (is he looking for girls that need to be 'rescued'?). Regardless, I think this would be a problem for him even with a good partner.

[AdminAssistant]

Dude - different women will be happy with different boys.

This. Personally, I like someone who can be open with his feelings, but who can also be a rock for me - because I can be a big, gushy, emotional mess with all the crap that goes on in my life.

Honestly...if they're shutting him out of their lives...something else is going on.

[Aethian]

I had a boyfriend who was nice all thetime, we never fought, he treated me like I was a Princess and for awhile I loved it. I enjoyed being pampered but then it got on my nerves. He was always right there. Always asking me if I needed anything and yet if I asked the same of him it was "Oh I don't need anything." And thats when it hit me, he was never going to allow me to do something for myself or for him. I couldn't be in that one sided of a relationship. There are some girls out there who can, just look at some of the shows on WE.

So I bowed out and when he asked why I honestly didn't know what to tell him. And then the calls started and it got a bit stalkerish. I'm not saying thats where your friend is going but thats where my ex went. He finally found himself a girl who liked walking over him and they have a nice family.

[Evil Queen]

Nice for no reason = Ulterior motives.

Well, that's what one of my comrades in the arms race that is love (wow, I'm kinda cruel today) would say.

What I like is someone who can talk to me about issues but not in the Cathy Comics sort of way (Okay! We're going to talk about our feelings for 5 minutes every day!). No. Hell. No.

There are a a few lines to be drawn. If you're going to cry at a movie, that's... okay. Not great, but okay. If you're going to cry because that hammer fell on your foot, go for it. Hell, I do it myself (particularly if it hit bone, oh, that... stings....). But I've yet to see how he's described as "overly emotional" without examples.

I'm overly emotional:
--I cry at movies (If a doggie dies or, God Forbid, I watch another Nicholas Sparks based movie)
--I cry at books (Again, Nicolas Sparks, a few other author's whom I can't remember right now)
--I flip at scary/surprising movies (1408 wasn't scary, but the way that "guy" kept popping up, holy crap.)
--I like to laugh. (Gabriel Iglesias really does leave me rolling on the floor, so much so I can't breathe and my face turns red.)

But, I'm also an extremist. That may be what your friend is. I tend to blow bad things way out of proportion. Same with the good. Way, way out there. I have three spectrums in my life; Really Pissed OFF, Normal (what my SO constantly tells me is "Sad" but I'm fine) and ZOMG I'm ECSTATIC!

[Gravekeeper]

Honestly...if they're shutting him out of their lives...something else is going on.

Yes, that struck me as odd too. Me thinks something else occurred. One relationship goes bad and she shuts him out I can see. But a pattern of it makes me wonder.

I'm very up front about my emotions, but never overcome by them. I don't understand getting mad, as it seems like a waste of time and energy. I don't understand wallowing in sadness or self pity either. I have my Me day, order some pizza and move on with life. If you can get me to actually raise my voice at you? Bravo, have a cookie. ;p

Ok, well, laughing will get me. But that's about it, and that's one of the good ones. =p

I'm overly emotional:
--I cry at movies (If a doggie dies or, God Forbid, I watch another Nicholas Sparks based movie)

I did tear up a little when Gandalf died. God damn big sad Hobbit eyes.

[Evil Queen]

I did tear up a little when Gandalf died. God damn big sad Hobbit eyes.

I admit, I did too. But didn't flat out weep about it. Just teared up.

[Aethian]

I cried when the soldiergot murdered in the Mist