On vacation!

[Jester]

So here it is, Day Three of my vacation, and I can't believe how much has already happened.

First of all, living on a tiny tropical island, I forget how big some places can be. Phoenix is really, REALLY large. The other night when Neets and I went to a bar that was "just around the corner," we traveled far enough to have driven from one end of Key West to the other, and then into the water. Yeah, kind of different.

Saturday/Sunday travel was hectic, and I'll probably talk about it later, but the travel fatigue definitely made the beers I had have more effect. After picking me up at the airport and feeding me breakfast (real chorizo!), Neets and Golf Boy (and their Little'un) drove me around to show me a few things, including one of the coolest bars I have ever been in. (For you beer lovers, check out the Papago Brewpub (I think that's the name of it) in Scottsdale. I was in AWE of the variety and quality of beers they had, both on tap and in bottles. I also had my first Kiltlifter (a locally brewed beer) since getting here, at a very generic yuppie Mexican place. And we went to visit Neets's friend in the hospital, where I did some magic tricks for him and his girlfriend. Really nice people. I hope things turn around for him.

After that, we went back to the hacienda where we unloaded the luggage, and laid down on the coach for a few minutes.......until two HOURS later, we were all rudely awakened from our hibernation by a POUNDING on the door. Neets's older daughter Bug does not, apparently, understand the concept of a "doorbell." Apparently she was on good behavior, but I still wanted to throttle her. She has become a little self-centered self-worshipping diva, and no, it's not just normal teenagerism....she's bad, far worse than either of my other two teenage nieces.

Anyway, while Golf Boy drove Bug back to her father's and watched Little'Un, Neets and I went barhopping....first an old favorite, then a bowling alley, where we had fun and I flirted with our very cool 19 year old waitress--and where I strained my right hand/arm enough where I could not do card springs the next day while doing magic. Very annoying. We finished at a sports bar near her house, where we ended up doing way too many shots and walking stumbling home, which I don't remember much of.

Yesterday, after recovering from our hangovers, Neets and I picked up Little'Un from school, then I took off in one of their cars. Lunch at the Heart Attack Grill, which was amusing (check it out!), then off to see my parents clear on the other side of the Valley, where I helped them try to figure out their brand new computer and cell phone. They are really struggling with them, despite both being very bright people. Then a nice dinner, some more quality time with the Rents, and off back to the East Valley to hang out with my stepsister and meet her husband and their son (while I've been in touch with her for a while, we have not actually seen each other in person since we were teenagers). We had a few beers, played some darts, and caught up (and of course I did some magic for the boy), then off again to the far east part of the Valley to see my awesome friend Nurse Betty, and crashed at her place. Eventually, I got some sleep. (WHEW!)

Today woke up, drove back to the hacienda, showered and changed, and went off to the airport to pick up Golf Boy's parents, who are in town for a few weeks. They went off with Neets and Little'Un for lunch (Golf Boy is at work), and I am about to go pick up Nurse Betty for lunch, then meet up with Golf Boy and Neets, my old friend Musica and her girlfriend, and go off to see the Diamondbacks-Cubs game. GO SNAKES! Look for us in the right field bleachers, by the pool!

Anyway, my stomach beckons....I would say be good, but that's never any fun, so go cause trouble, my fellow CSers.

We now return you to Jester's irregularly scheduled hectic vacation..............

[One-Fang]

Sounds like you're having fun!

What are you doing here telling us about it? Go! Have fun! Tell us all about it when you get back.

[artifical sweetner]

cant believe you ate at the heart attack grill --- that was on the food network or travel channel and wow...too much meat

enjoy your vaca

[Becks]

I would say be good, but that's never any fun, so go cause trouble, my fellow CSers.

I always say "If you can't stay out of trouble, at least try not to get caught".

[Jester]

Sounds like you're having fun!

I certainly am!

What are you doing here telling us about it? Go! Have fun! Tell us all about it when you get back.

That is kind of what I am donig....telling y'all about it on the few spare moments I find myself on a computer. At this moment, it is due to being the last one awake at my stepsister's house (see the update below).

cant believe you ate at the heart attack grill --- that was on the food network or travel channel and wow...too much meat.

Only too much meat if you get crazy and eat the Triple Bypass Burger or the Quadruple Bypass Burger. I was sane, and went merely to check it out, and dined on a Single Bypass Burger (8 oz.) and a Corona to wash it down with.


UPDATE: We had a blast at the D-backs game, despite the Snakes getting shellacked by the Cubs. (For the record, half our group were Cubs fan, the other half were on the correct side.) We took the new light rail from the East Valley to downtown Phoenix and met up with Golf Boy's old friend Mr. Clean in a bar right by the stadium, had a couple brews (we were parched!), then into the stadium we went. Had a fun time, had several grews, took a lot of shit from a lot of Cubs fans, and returned a lot of shit to a lot of Cubs fans, all in good fun (and that is how they took it, too). Afterwards, we had more drinks at a bar, boarded the train to go back to the East Valley....and that is when all hell broke loose. See, five of us were ready to get on the train, but we couldn't find Mr. Clean, who (if he was following form for the night) was probably buying every Cubs fan in the bar a shot. So, not sure if this was the last train out, we boarded, yelling for Mr. Clean. At one point, I held the train doors open while Golf Boy was off looking for Mr. Clean, but finally Golf Boy came back to the train and boarded, as we continued to yell for Mr. Clean to get his damn drunk ass on the freakin' thing. When it became obvious he wasn't going with us--and when one of the train staff came back and chewed us new assholes about delaying the train--we sat down and rode the train back. During the ride, a couple of dopey guys stood by us, one of them obviously making eyes at Neets. Not one to shy away from idiocy, Neets looked right at the guy and said, "Wow, you sure are red!" He was! Red hair, freckles, and lots of sunburned red skin. Red rose to the challenge, saying, "Yeah, and you haven't even seen some of my reddest parts yet!" Neets didn't blink. "I might ask, but with my husband here, it's not really an issue for me." The mention of the husband and the clear indication of Golf Boy as said husband did not deter Red, who continued to comment on his red "parts." At this point, Golf Boy, who had (seemingly) been ignoring the proceedings as he rested his drunk tequila-laden head on the rail in front of him looked up, looked right at Red, and said, "Well come on, dude. Let's see these red parts. Whip it out, man!"

Red was stunned, shocked, and embarrassed, and had nothing more to say. I, on the other hand, could not stop fucking laughing! Ditto for the girls. Ditto also for Red's friends. After we got off the train, Golf Boy puked for a while, then Musica's girlfriend drove us home, as she had only had a couple of beers the whole night. Golf Boy remembers pretty much nothing after the game. Which is hilarious, considering how much he had us laughing as he mocked Red.

But that was the evening. Earlier in the day was a bit different, as I woke up at Nurse Betty's house, got home, showered, changed, ate breakfast, and drove to the airport to pick up Golf Boy's parents. As soon as I had them situated back at the hacienda, I took off to meet up with Nurse Betty for lunch. Now it should be noted that when I said I crashed at Nurse Betty's place the night before, at the time, I had no idea what to expect, as I had been friends with Nurse Betty for years, and we had been somewhat flirtatious on the phone for some time, but in the end, we were still friends. So I figured I would just hang out with her and catch up, and whatever. Well, as it turned out, the flirtations were more than just that, and the night before, we had definitely whatevered. (You do the math. I'm not doing all the work here!) And what had started out as simply flirtations and then grew to something physical started evolving to something even more. We are friends, have been since high school, and will no matter what happens here....but a new part of our relationship was definitely starting, and neither of us knew quite what to make of it. But we had lunch, enjoyed each other's company, kissed goodbye at her place, and then off I went to meet up with the crew for the game. (More to follow.)

And the next day (this morning), Neets, Golf Boy and I were all hungover. I less than them, as I am used to such shenanigans, and they are married and domesticated and don't do the party scene the way I do. In any case, we drove Golf Boy to a doctor's appointment, then Neets drove me to my (borrowed from them) car, which I drove out to Nurse Betty's house. (I had suggested the day before that she join us hanging out at Golf Boy's parents' hotel's pool.) I got there, and her youngest had stayed home from school, so any idea of any more whatever was pretty much kiboshed....but we did lounge in her bed for quite a while, just chilling and enjoying each other's company. Then Nurse Betty, her youngest and I all went to lunch, where we had a blast. Afterwards, as I was leaving Nurse Betty's, we had an emotional goodbye (and somewhat physical, after we sent her child inside), and the wench left me with a hickey! (Or as she called it, a "battle scar.") I do need to point out that she and I are both 38, and that the total number of hickeys I have had in my life, including the one she gave me....is one. I also need to point out that I still have a wedding to attend on Saturday in Salt Lake City. Grrr....

Anyway, I spent the late afternoon/evening hanging out with Golf Boy, Neets, their daughter, and his parents at the hotel pool, enjoying paradise. Then I went off to a barbecue at Supercool Stepsister's house, which is where I am right now, having had way too much beer and wine.

So I have one more day in Phoenix (tomorrow), but I know I won't see Nurse Betty, as she works all day today, and I fly out Friday morning. We have been friends forever (met first day of classes our senior year in August, 1987), and no matter what else happens, we will be friends. But suddenly there is another layer there, one we never saw coming, one that is both weirding us out but that we both kind of get, and that we have no idea what to make of or do with, as I DO live in Key West and she lives here. I predicted something like this would happen, and it did, but I figured it would be with some new woman I met, not someone I have known 21+ years, not one of my good long term friends. I can say with some confidence that if I lived here in Phoenix, Nurse Betty and I would almost certainly be dating right now. As I don't, we are both left wondering "what if?". What if, indeed. I just know that I care for this woman even more than I did before, and suddenly everything is different. And that....that is something that I can't hide or hide from.

So, one last day in my beautiful desert, then three days of (hopefully) craziness in SLC, and then back to the Keys go I. My life just continues to be a whilrwind. Wheeee!!!

NOTE: If the above narrative seems a bit rambling, it would be due in large part completely the fault of my Stepsister and her Husband, who, at their barbecue tonight, forcefed me ridiculously large amounts of adult beverages. Blame them. I'm completely innocent in all of this.

[Kagato]

Glad to hear you're having a great time, we expect to see PLENTY of photos when you get back...

[Jester]

The best times don't have any photographs attached to them. Just saying.....

[Kagato]

Pics or it didn't happen! (joking =p)

[Jester]

Honestly, I've been too busy having fun to take pictures, for the most part. Luckily for me, my friends HAVE taken pictures. I'll see what I can do about posting them later....

[Becks]

I'm completely innocent in all of this.

Suuuuuuuuuuuuure you are.

[Jester]

Becks, really I am. I was trying to snack on milk and cookies and knit sweaters for the local orphanage, and Stepsister and Hubby FORCED beer and wine down my throat! It was completely against my will. As were the drinks I had every other night here in Phoenix.....

[Becks]

If you say so, Jester. I have no reason not to believe you.

[Dave1982]

Did you go for the single, double, triple, or quadruple bypass burger?

[Jester]

Did you go for the single, double, triple, or quadruple bypass burger?

A single with a Corona. I can eat, but I was not trying to prove anything, and I did have to drive all the way across the Valley to my parents' house, so a food coma would have been bad.

And if you're wondering, I honestly think a double would have been about my limit. Yes, I CAN eat, but I am only 155 lbs. or so, and I know that the 10 oz. burgers at The Bar are just enough for me....so a full pound? Yeah. More than that? Come on!

Interesting side note: one of my old friends that I saw tonight actually is friends with Dr. John (Jon?) of Heart Attack Grill, and has dated/attempted to date several of the "nurses." Scarier still, he TOLD them about me. And one of the "nurses" he is friends with actually was my server when I was there. Hilarious! I'm famous even in places I didn't know I was famous in!

[dalesys]

We've warned Crown Burger