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I know I seem to be unable to ask for advice not involving my stupid grandmother.. but she's the major source of drama and dilemmas in my life at the moment, and since everyone around me is already in the middle of the drama and therefore unable to be impartial, I come here for advice (and prepare for the onslaught of criticism advice from Jester 
)
So here's today's issue.
I got married last Tuesday. It was a lovely ceremony, my mother and me and hubby's good, good friend were there, and that's it as far as guests. It's all we'd ever planned for, all we'd invited, all we cared about. I've invited just about everybody to the reception with great responses.
My mother (much to my shy, embarrassed chagrin) had the Wednesday night bowling league president announce that I had gotten married the day before, and he did so with the demeanor of a proud father (then again he's known me since I was little)
Apparently, my mother, my uncle, and my stepfather have all caught a ton of crap from my grandmother, because she apparently did not know that I was getting married on Tuesday, was still offended that she was not invited to the ceremony, and was horrified that she "had to find out from the announcement over the loudspeaker". As usual, she has said nary a word to me (you know, the BRIDE, the one who made all of these decisions? Nah, must not be important)
My uncle, who lives with her, had to give me my wedding presents in secret today so she wouldn't find out he was "approving of this bullshit" and catch more crap from her.
Here's the issue(s). I told her I was getting married over two weeks before the event date, at which point she smiled a little and said "that's nice".
Also, she's acting like I only excluded her, and had everyone else and their mother at the ceremony, which was not the case at all. Hubby and I agreed that only two people at our ceremony was what we wanted. Originally it was to be our mothers, but since his grandfather is ill and she could not make it, I let him choose a stand-in so to speak, and he chose our friend Toki.
Everyone keeps telling me "she's your grandmother, and she's getting old. Include her." But I don't want to include her. As far as I'm concerned, she hasn't been acting much like my grandmother lately, refusing to acknowledge me at any major holiday for over a year, never in two and a half years asking me to do something for her, instead asking my mother to make me do it, and outright refusing to my face to acknowledge my birthday, while standing in my kitchen asking my mother to make me fix her computer.
At this point I don't even want her to come to the reception party in May, but as much drama as she's stirred up over all of this already, and as much as she's yelled at people close to me about it, I'm afraid I'll make everyone else miserable for my choice, as they're already pressuring me from all sides (except DH who has repeatedly told me "she's an old bitch, you don't like her, tell everyone to fuck off") to apologize to her for not inviting her to my ceremony.
So basically I need advice on what to do, whether to un-invite her to the reception, and how to deal with her regardless of whether she's coming or not. I'm sick of everyone I care about getting yelled at over my decisions, and her calling me petty and childish for not inviting her to the ceremony, when she can't even come to me and bring anything up to my face so we can settle it like adults.
)So here's today's issue.
I got married last Tuesday. It was a lovely ceremony, my mother and me and hubby's good, good friend were there, and that's it as far as guests. It's all we'd ever planned for, all we'd invited, all we cared about. I've invited just about everybody to the reception with great responses.
My mother (much to my shy, embarrassed chagrin) had the Wednesday night bowling league president announce that I had gotten married the day before, and he did so with the demeanor of a proud father (then again he's known me since I was little)
Apparently, my mother, my uncle, and my stepfather have all caught a ton of crap from my grandmother, because she apparently did not know that I was getting married on Tuesday, was still offended that she was not invited to the ceremony, and was horrified that she "had to find out from the announcement over the loudspeaker". As usual, she has said nary a word to me (you know, the BRIDE, the one who made all of these decisions? Nah, must not be important)
My uncle, who lives with her, had to give me my wedding presents in secret today so she wouldn't find out he was "approving of this bullshit" and catch more crap from her.
Here's the issue(s). I told her I was getting married over two weeks before the event date, at which point she smiled a little and said "that's nice".
Also, she's acting like I only excluded her, and had everyone else and their mother at the ceremony, which was not the case at all. Hubby and I agreed that only two people at our ceremony was what we wanted. Originally it was to be our mothers, but since his grandfather is ill and she could not make it, I let him choose a stand-in so to speak, and he chose our friend Toki.
Everyone keeps telling me "she's your grandmother, and she's getting old. Include her." But I don't want to include her. As far as I'm concerned, she hasn't been acting much like my grandmother lately, refusing to acknowledge me at any major holiday for over a year, never in two and a half years asking me to do something for her, instead asking my mother to make me do it, and outright refusing to my face to acknowledge my birthday, while standing in my kitchen asking my mother to make me fix her computer.
At this point I don't even want her to come to the reception party in May, but as much drama as she's stirred up over all of this already, and as much as she's yelled at people close to me about it, I'm afraid I'll make everyone else miserable for my choice, as they're already pressuring me from all sides (except DH who has repeatedly told me "she's an old bitch, you don't like her, tell everyone to fuck off") to apologize to her for not inviting her to my ceremony.
So basically I need advice on what to do, whether to un-invite her to the reception, and how to deal with her regardless of whether she's coming or not. I'm sick of everyone I care about getting yelled at over my decisions, and her calling me petty and childish for not inviting her to the ceremony, when she can't even come to me and bring anything up to my face so we can settle it like adults.
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