Well crap, more family drama!!

[lupo pazzesco]

My sister, a.k.a. the she-beast, has a boyfriend. Now, she met this guy online, and while I'm not personally against it, it's all kind of hinky, given the type of websites and chat rooms she wanders through. It's not a dating site, which I know isn't much better, but randomly picking up a guy online isn't the best way to go about it, IMO. He's also in the military, which, again, isn't an issue so much, just so far as how it pertains to the story.

mk, so now I shall detail some of the issues my sister has had with her boyfriend. He's always out of town, supposedly for work, but can't tell her what exactly it is that he does for a living. On top of that, she had been getting this viral texts and voice mails from a woman claiming to be his wife. HIS story is that it's his ex, and she's crazy, and that he would take care of it, but, well, he never did. It got to the point that my sister changed her cell phone number.

The end, happily ever after, right? not so much. See, I called today, just to say hi, see how things were going and mom said not good, sister is having a meltdown. I'm thinking great, she didn't get her way again and got pissy. Whoop de doo. Nope. Turns out the so called ex started sending more messages, demanding to know why my sister was talking to HER husband, etc, etc.

this raises a few suspicions. Firstly where did the ex get the new number? So, my sister calls her boyfriend, and he says he's at work, he doesn't have time to talk to her. She tells him to make time, and explains, he says he'll call back in 5 minutes. He hasn't called back since. (This was several hours ago, to the best of my knowledge). Meanwhile sister is still getting messages, and now the woman is telling her that the times boyfriend claimed he was out of town on business in places like New York, he was actually with HER (his wife) visiting in Kentucky. She started listing actual dates and times, which sent my sister to her phone to call and leave yet another voice mail for her boyfriend. And still no answers from him. She's done a LOT of crying today, and mama said she was crying in the shower so loudly, she heard her over the shower and the fan in the bathroom.

Now, I'm kind of torn here. I, as well as my mom, from the beginning have had our suspicions and stated, once and only once, our problems with this issue. Then we left it alone. And now, it's looking like those suspicions were correct and he's really nothing but slime. But my sister didn't want to hear one word against this guy, and they were in love, and it wasn't fair that we were judging him for something that his psycho ex is doing. Ok, fine, we left it alone.

On the other hand, I hate that she's hurting and going through this. I think it's finally starting to sink in, and it sucks because she claims they were talking about getting married, having a life together, etc, etc. I know I call her the she-beast. and that I really, truly hate her guts sometimes, but I would never willing wish her to go through this kind of shit, and to see her hurt like this. It's just a mess. A big, unholy mess, and I get the feeling it's going to get worse before it ever gets better.

[Sheldonrs]

I hope I phrase this in such a way as to not be offensive but...

Your sister is one dumb bitch.

He doesn't tell her where he works exactly. She's getting calls and messages from another woman, even on her NEW number. He doesn't call her back or do the things he says he'll do.

Throw in Tori Spelling and a dead twin and you've got a Lifetime movie.

Your sister needs to wake the fuck up and dump his ass several curbs over.

[lupo pazzesco]

i agree with everything you said. But...the she-beast will not be disagreed with. They LOVE each other, according to her.

Thing is, she claims he CAN'T tell her what he does because he's military, and it's confidential, and that's why he's always traveling.

However, my stepdad is also military, (not active duty anymore, but he works on base), and he says he's never been shuffled around as much as the boyfriend is. Hell, he's not even sure some of th uber specialized "can only do ONE task, but does it SUPER well" troops are moved around and out of town that much.

But she didn't want to listen, because of course, we're all against her and never ever want to see her happy...

[protege]

I'm going to be a bit blunt here. She simply won't listen to anyone. You can't reason with people like that. It's better to let themselves deal with their own problems.

[tropicsgoddess]

I say it's high time for your sister to open her eyes and dump that jackass.

[BethB]

If she won't listen despite your efforts to save her from a broken heart and total breakdown, then let her keep going with the whole affair(no pun intended). If she doesn't want to see him for what he really is then it's her problem. Sadly you'll be left to pick up the pieces when she comes to her senses but you may get sucked into the "why didn't you tell me he was a jerk" drama. I've seen it all before.

[Primer]

I dated a guy for a while that was "stationed overseas" while "working for Verizon." Stuff kept not quite adding up, and he kept "forgetting" to do things he promised to do. Then one day, I got an IM from his ID stating he was married. No ifs ands or buts, I kicked his ass to the curb. He claimed it was a "friend" messing around on his computer, and no, he wasn;t really married. Too bad; Too late. He was history.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

i agree with everything you said. But...the she-beast will not be disagreed with. They LOVE each other, according to her.

Of course they do.

The guy's holding up a big billboard with "I'M MARRIED AND PLAYING YOU" on it and she refuses to see it. She deserves whatever ends up happening.

[Sliceanddice]

first shes being scammed and is too stupid to know it.
it depends on what branch of the military he would work for but my uncle in the airforce got moved around alot and frequently and i cant tell you anything about him, but he is basically one of the guys who make sure we arent bombed tomorrow. and he was out of the country alot.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I think Lupo's sister needs to check this out.

[AccountingDrone]

Well, when mrDrones first boat was in the shipyard, the guys had a different duty roster than normal, and you could swap duty sections around like a civillian ... one of the guys on his boat had one wife living in navy housing by NOB in Norfolk, and she was convinced that he was only home on weekends and stayed at the shipyard during the week to avoid the commute across the James River to the shipyard in Portsmouth.

He had a wife in Portsmouth convinced that he was able to stay home all week at night because he always took saturday and sunday night duty 'so he could be home with her 5 nights in a row ...

The shit finally hit the fan when he got told he was being rotated to a duty station in Kings Bay Ga ... and *both* wives found out about it because he was sent to his weekend wife's apartment the moving and welcome package [his official with the navy wife] though he had told his during the week wife about the move. We think he was planning on divorcing his old wife and keeping the new wife as she was pregnant. Oddly enough, both wives told him they wanted a divorce

[Talon]

I agree with Protege. You can't help those who won't help themselves. Let her go. But do let her know that if/when she finally comes to her senses, she knows where to find you.

[MannersMakethMan]

How do you reason with someone who's become a fool in the throws of passion? You can't. Unfortunately, the more you say against him, the more attractive he becomes. I've heard the same arguments from my own sister during her last disastership, and it was my experience that the more you go on about something, the more she'll be inclined to do the opposite.

It sucks to have to say it, but as much as you hate to see her going through this, she's probably going to have to, and yes, it will get worse before it gets better. But it will get better. Anything you say against him will drive you two further apart, and the last thing she needs is to lose a sister on top of this cockmongering twatwaffle. All you can really do is keep calling her, to keep being there for her, and make sure she knows that you'll always be there to run away to if things go wrong. Light the exit way, and eventually he'll prod her towards it. You said yourself that it's finally starting to sink in.

As much as you might think she's being stupid, she has to live her own life. Some people learn from books, some from others, and some just have to pee on the electric fence themselves. Good luck. Hope it clears up sooner rather than later.

[Eireann]

Another thing, lupo, is that the drama itself becomes addictive. If you can't have the hearts and flowers, you can have the anguish and tears, all the while receiving sympathy from all sides. (Been there.) She's now addicted to being his staunch defender, the one who believes in him, the one who stands up for him when all others have turned against him. There's a good reason for everyone to be against him, but it is a popular theme in fiction as well as in real life. We've all had times when we felt that everyone had turned away, and it's a dreadful feeling. I'm sure your sister has convinced herself that he's just "misunderstood", that nobody understands him like she can, and all of you should just try to see him through her eyes.

Right.

It's something she will have to experience if she's ever going to learn. She'll have to experience it anyway, whether she learns from it or not. You've given her all the help you can.

[lupo pazzesco]

An Update of sorts...

I spent about 4 hours last night on the phone with my sister. She was demanding I try to find out where her boyfriend was (apparently he never showed up or called like he said he would Surprise, surprise...) I told her I couldn't do anything, but she started sobbing and asked me for help because the messages were getting worse and worse, and the woman just would not stop calling/texting my sister's phone.

I did a reverse trace on the phone number, found out she's in Florida (the alleged wife) Sarasota, FL, to be exact, at least that's where the land line is originating from. I told my sister to file a police report, since harassing phone calls are illegal in almost every state. She said she did the first time all this crap started happening, and that the police just shrugged and said tough noogies, nothing can be done since my sister is in TX and the harasser is in FL.

So, I tried to help. I called the Sarasota PD, asked for general info on how to file a report on someone making harassing calls, if the caller is in FL and the recipient is in TX. The deputy I spoke with said that if the TX PD requested FL assistance, they could send the report number to the state attorney, who would transfer it to FL. Then the FL PD could run the number, track the person down and bring them in, etc, etc.

My sister and I then called the TX PD, who again tried to say that there was nothing that could be done because of the out of state thing, and I explained that I had called FL PD, and suddenly, we're on the phone with a lieutenant instead of a desk jockey. (Weird, right?) The LT was telling us that SURE, of COURSE they can send it to FL PD, not a problem at ALL, but golly gee, FL PD had to request the case or else they can't do anything.

So...Florida says Texas has to request assistance, and Texas says Florida has to request the case, and both PD say that neither can do anythign without the other making the first request.

Meanwhile, my sister is forwarding the texts to me, so I can see what this woman is sending her, and it's vile. the NICEST message states "when was the last time u fucked my husband u stupid airhead bitch?!!!"

I'm sitting here wondering why this twatwaffle is harassing my sister when it's her apparent husband who's diddling on the side!?

Yes, I may not like my sister on the best days, but she's still my sister and she asked me for help. And what it boils down to, is this whorecorpse is fucking with MY family. I ended up calling in my cousin to go sit with my sister because she was alone, and she had all these plans of going onto the military base and hunting this guy down. Also, she wanted to call said whorecorpse back and start screaming harassment back at her. (of course, so did my cousin) I had to explain to both of them that these were both Very Bad Ideas. Because as long as my sister is doing what she should: filing police reports, changing her cell number, etc, and not responding to the harassment in kind, then it's the stupid bitch who's on the line for breaking the law.

All in all it was a long long long night, and I'm exhausted. There is a part of me that wants to call the house, check on my sister, but there's another part of me that's just so completely exhausted I don't want to deal with anything. I'm already a wreck myself, with my own plate of steaming bullshit to deal with, on top of trying NOT to remember that my grandpa's been gone for 2 months already, and dealing with work and finals. I don't want added stress. And yet, I feel guilty, like I'm being selfish and rude.

Fucking hell, when will it end? When will I get a break?

And I think I should end this before I start wallowing even further in self-pity.