Oh, f***ing h***

[TTAZ]

Okay, I'm sure anybody who's interested has read of my recent mental anguish regarding my son's father. In order to get some space I emailed him and said I'd call him tomorrow or Wednesday, after I had a chance to discuss this current pile o' crap with my therapist at my appointment tomorrow morning.

Well guess what.

My therapist is gone on a "sudden medical" situation. The head of therapy at the clinic called me and told me "if he's going to be gone more than a couple of weeks we'll let you know and set you up with someone else" and "if you don't hear from any of us in 3 weeks, then call". He, of course, wouldn't tell me if it was illness or an injury or any speculation at all on the probability of his returning to work soon. I don't blame the guy but this is really putting my head in a spin.

Now wtf do I do? Email BabyDaddy again and say I may need an additional week or 3 to myself with no explanation?

Do I go ahead with the contract being written up and meet him to discuss details?

Do I tell him the truth in a calm way via email that I can't stand the sight of him, I think he sets a bad example to Nelson, and I think it's better if he stays away?

Do I use google fu to find my therapist's home address and keep the damn appointment whether he likes it or not (kidding!)?

I'm stumped folks, opinions would be more than welcome.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Can you request an appointment with someone else sooner?

[BethB]

Pulling a "What About Bob?" would be bad. In the absence of your therapist, is there no one at the office who would take you in as an emergency session? or maybe talk to a member of your religious group(if you have one). Honestly if it were me I would chat with my family. While they would be on my side they can usually be counted on to give solutions that would be best for everyone involved.

[TTAZ]

Nope. To get 1 on 1 therapy at all you have to be recommended by your case manager, who then puts you in line to present to the head of the therapy dept. The case manager is only allowed to present 3 possible cases per week, and patients have to wait their turn. Then the head of the dept. says yes or no. If they say yes then you have to wait for a therapist to have an opening in their caseload. There's a hiring freeze at these clinics and the turnover among staff is very high, so every therapist they have is booked solid until they have a patient end their allotted session number.

Fun, huh?

So short answer, no. Not really. Besides I've built a rapport with my guy and he knows my case. A new therapist would have to be brought up to speed, and that wouldn't happen within one 1 hour session.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I can't really tell you what you should do about the ex, but if you would prefer to have your therapist's input before you do anything, could you put up with him for just a couple visits a week, rather than every day? Hopefully the therapist will be back sooner rather than later and can help you sort things out before you do anything "permanent".... In the meantime, just be "too busy" for visiting as often. If getting in to see the therapist isn't going to work, I would lean towards the calmly worded letter explaining the problems. Focus on the fact that your son has needs that cost money and while it's great that he wants to see his son, he needs to take some responsibility to help support him, too. (I wouldn't even get into the whole dating profile and stuff; unless it's actually costing money that could be better spent on caring for his child.)

[TTAZ]

BethB- I don't have a religious group to turn to, and the only family I talk to are my mom (who wants BabyDaddy whacked in the most embarrassing, drawn out, painful way possible) and occasionally my dad who has a very firm stance against giving advice.

BookstoreEscapee- The dating profile is free, but when he starts dating, that will be costing money that could be used for his sons. Maybe I could put up with him a couple times a week, and I've been willing to do every day because I've been operating under the assumption that Nelson needs his dad. In the past 5 days, Nelson has not asked where Daddy is, nor has he even said the word "daddy". However, when I'm running errands while Nelson is napping, if he wakes up before I come home, my mom tells me the first thing he does is toddle through the apartment in his wobbly-I-just-woke-up-way calling for Mama.

What do I make of this information? I don't know, but a big part of me is thinking that Nelson really doesn't need his dad as much as I thought he did.

[Jester]

Regarding the [/s]waste of skin[/s] ex, you should probably consult with the people you know at legal services, child services, whatever, and have them help you draw up that contract, and present it to him in a businesslike manner. Follow their legal advice.

No advice on what you should do for your head without your therapist, though.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Sounds like at the very least, Nelson can go without seeing him every day. You can't keep up that schedule forever (most likely) so may as well get him used to it, anyway.

What he needs most is stability; if seeing dad every day is stressful (and clearly it is for you, which the little one probably picks up on) it would probably be better for you both to keep visits to a specific weekly or monthly schedule.

[TTAZ]

UPDATE

Well, I haven't heard a thing from the useless piece of shit, and it's been a week since he's seen his son. Anyone want to take bets on how long it takes for him to realize it? Please keep in mind his little dating profiles have been quite active.

You know, there have been times I was annoyed at him.

There were times I was disappointed by him.

There were times I was pissed at him.

There were times I was mad at him.

There were times I was livid with him.

There have been 3 times I actually lost my temper with him.

But until today, I never hated him.

I don't like this at all. How do I make the hate go away?

[BookstoreEscapee]

You start by focusing on what you need to do for you and your son.

[TTAZ]

Thanks for the hug. It was almost as nice as the wet soapy hug I got from Nelson a little while ago when I was crying in his bathwater.

[TTAZ]

ANOTHER UPDATE:

Just got an email from the slimeball, here it is verbatim:

Hi,

How's it going? I really miss Nelson.

Let me know when/if I can see him again.


This was my response:

Nelson is fine. I am not. It would be best for me if you stayed away from me until I stop being so angry.

Even if I did feel like humoring the asshole I'm actually working the next 3 days (gasp!) and he wouldn't be able to come over anyway since my mother refuses to let him in the house.

[Jester]

How do I make the hate go away?

One boat. Several thousand miles of ocean. Schools of hungry sharks. And NO QUESTIONS.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Guess I can't beat soapy-baby-hugs. But I do what I can.

This was my response:

Nelson is fine. I am not. It would be best for me if you stayed away from me until I stop being so angry.

Good for you. Short and to the point.

[dalesys]

One boat. Several thousand miles of ocean. Schools of hungry sharks. And NO QUESTIONS.

Jester, the UN-SPCA wants to talk to you about shark abuse