I did a bad, bad, thing

[TTAZ]

I found Waste of Skin Von BabyDaddy on skype and asked him if he knew what I was so angry. He did not, so I explained (nicely, calmly) that I believed it was selfish for him to be trolling for women to wine and dine when he owed his son so much money. He told me that isn't happening and that he wouldn't apologize for being lonely. I asked him who's fault was it that he was lonely? I asked him if WHEN he started taking these women out would he tell them he was a deadbeat dad on the first date or wait until after he slept with them to give them the big news? Then I said I believed he was setting a bad example and I needed to seriously consider what benefits there were to facilitating visits with his son that he does not take any responsibility for, then I excused myself to go do his son's laundry with money I couldn't afford.

I can't fucking believe I did that. It was so stupid. That's it, no more communication until I have court papers filed.


Fuck.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Well, on the one hand, Go you!

On the other, I hope it doesn't come back to bite you...

What was it that he said wasn't happening, the trolling for women part or the paying the money he owes you part?

[TTAZ]

He meant the wining and dining wasn't happening. I know he has been trying to get this one woman to go to lunch with him, somehow I doubt it's supposed to be dutch. He also tried to make it sound like he was just looking for friends yet it says online he wants a "serious relationship".

I doubt it will bite me in the ass, since the man is damn lazy, and he is locked in on trying to reel in an accomodating moist hole.

[PhotoChick]

Honestly, not the best idea, but not the worst. Do not leave angry voicemails or emails! Phone's not great, but mostly can't be recorded (and he's probably to lazy to record it.)

[AdminAssistant]

Honey, do yourself a favor. Stop checking his profile. Just don't. That's his life, and yes, he does have a right to be looking for a woman just as you have a right to be looking for a man. The child support question is a different issue and you do need to get a lawyer and go to the courts. As a mother, they'll be very sympathetic to you. (My BIL is still fighting for a better arrangement with his first child, but as a Dad, the courts basically told him to screw off).

Ask yourself why this makes you so angry? Is it really the money? Because I think it may be something more.

[taxguykarl]

I can't fucking believe I did that. It was so stupid. That's it, no more communication until I have court papers filed.

Keep it in writing or something that can be stored, documented and retirieved. BTW, did you know that he had this kind of baggage when you started seeing him?

[strawbabies]

I think you're ok for now, but don't contact him again.

Does he realize you could have his butt thrown in jail for not paying child support?

[4love]

I think you're ok for now, but don't contact him again.

Does he realize you could have his butt thrown in jail for not paying child support?

Even if he doesn't, for the love of holy don't be the one to tell him! Let the courts handle that. Also, I agree with AdminAssistant. Whether or not you need to/have already done the soul searching, the less you see/think about his attempts at a love life, the better. Among other things, it'll help keep you focused on what you really need from him- the $$.

[friendofjimmyk]

Honey, do yourself a favor. Stop checking his profile. Just don't.
Ask yourself why this makes you so angry? Is it really the money? Because I think it may be something more.

I agree with AdminAssistant. You are only causing yourself undue grief by checking his profile. You check it, you get angry...upset...stressed out...when you could just NOT check it and give yourself time to heal.

I also agree with the question "is it really the money" because if it were just the money situation...you wouldn't care about who he's dating or if he's dating....you'd just be concerned with getting your money.

[TTAZ]

A new email from Deadbeat Daddy

A bit of background: my maternal grandmother (Billy) did not receive child support for her 4 children when she divorced my grandfather. She would line them up in front of the big window, open the drapes, yell "now you've seen them" and shut the drapes.

This is the email I received today. I don't know whether to answer him and be very professional, like I was responding to a memo, or just ignore it and make him sweat and get all kinds of paranoid. I will be going to the Child Support Enforcement folks tomorrow and fill out the paperwork to take him to court. The lady I spoke to said they have a pretty good turnaround, so I should be able to get an appointment with an attorney soon. The state does not deal with visitation. If he wants visitation and I don't want to make it happen he will have to pay full price out of his own pocket, submit himself to court scrutiny, and take me to court.

Here's the email:

If it were just a question of money, I believe you would have spoken to me directly.

Since you didn't, I can only think you're upset with me because I had the temerity to try and find some connection with someone.

I am alone here. You at least have your mum, you have someone who cares about you, someone you can talk to and confide in. You have someone you can share your worries with.

I don't. I have some mates, but they are nothing more than that. So, yes, I wanted to find something. I am literally sick of being alone. I am sick of feling isolated all the time.

It's not a feeling I can ask you to help me with. That would be unfair.

I have worked hard to try and avoid hurting you and it appears I have failed. I'm sorry.

My question is simply, am I EVER going to get to see Nelson again?

It hurts not seeing him. To be honest, I see shades of your grandmother, Billy. My fear is that seeing him will be the occasional quick glimpse you deign to allow me.

At least, please can I see him for his birthday?

What is all you lovely CSers opinion?

[BookstoreEscapee]

I think that it's good that he wants to be a part of his son's life. You are the only one who can say if having his dad around would be good for your son or not. That's really not something a bunch of relative strangers on the web can help you with. Though his parents having an antagonistic relationship certainly doesn't help him either way.

I have to agree with others; if you and he are truly finished, aside from the child you share, you shouldn't concern yourself so much with his personal life. Communicate about your son, hold him to his responsibilities (take him to court, get the child support), and live your life. Unless there are serious issues of abuse or drugs or something like that, is it fair to deprive your son of his father? (And I don't know the answer to that; only you, and maybe those close to you, can answer that.) The question is about what is best for your son, not what is worst for your ex.

[TTAZ]

He is a thief- his home is furnished with things my mother LOANED him, he also stole the x-mas money his mother sent to be spent on his eldest son

He is a narcissist- I think that's obvious. He honestly believes it is more important to find someone to fuck than take care of his children.

He is a deadbeat dad- duh. $3800 and counting

He pays no attention to Nelson when he is around- during K's watch Nelson has fallen on a bee swarm, damn near hugged a cactus (I stopped that one), and has had a 3 lb. dumbbell fall on top of his head, because his dad put him on top of a slippery table next to some shelves, didn't hang onto him, and then Nelson fell dislodging the weight.

Within the next 2 days I will have to go to the used bookstore and sell my books and few dvds AGAIN because Nelson doesn't have enough diapers to last until I get paid on Friday.

THIS is the man that I mistakenly believed was a good influence on my son.

I don't want my son growing up thinking this is how you treat anybody, especially women.

Is that a better picture of the situation?

[lordlundar]

Well, if I might say, why tell us this? Seems to me he needs to be aware as to why he isn't allowed visitation rights. He should be told that while he wants to visit, you want to make sure they grow up properly.

[TTAZ]

I can't meet him, I am seriosuly afraid I will lose it completely. I'm afraid to put it in writing for fear it will be used against me somehow. I can't even talk to the son of a bitch on the phone because I'm one of those ppl who cries when they are furious, and because I am furious my mind is going in 10 directions at once and I'm looking for outside opinion to try and keep me grounded.

[BethB]

As a child of a deadbeat dad, i can understand how you feel. My mother went through some tough times, almost hellish, trying to get child support for us kids and 95% of the time she never got the money. An alleged confusion between states but I digress. You need to focus primarily on baby. He needs necessities and you struggle to get them because daddy is looking to beat the lonely in his life. Sad considering any father would put Jr first before looking for a new mate. Put your child's needs first. don't focus on daddy's lonliness or your hatred of him.
Besides, if he is forced to pay up, any future "baby mama" will get wind of it and may not like the baggage that comes with him.