Thoughts that make you feel worse for thinking them!

[Binky]

OK please tell me this totally normal for a woman to go through!

I've been told "don't worry about it", "stop thinking about it and it'll happen", "it'll happen when it happens so just don't think about it"

But like a woman I talked to said "you wake up in the morning, you're thinking about it. You do your day to day business and you think about it. You're getting ready for bed, having a shower, cleaning the toilet, making the bed, whatever...you think about it!"

I'm talking about when you're trying to fall pregnant and the fact that it's just not happening.

So far people have told me that my husband and I have not been trying long enough. Some people say I should go to a doctor about it. Others just say the dreaded "Stop thinking about it"

But I can't. It's just not happening. Rational brain tells me it's probably going to take longer than a few months just wait. Irrational side is telling me that there must be something wrong with me. I see woman who have newborns, are pregnant, or have several children almost every day in my job and it just makes me want a bub more and more! I'm going crazy!!

Have other woman, hell even men trying to get their partners pregnant, felt like this? So totally powerless?

It's like I feel I'm meant to just fall pregnant at the drop of a hat like my mum did....but it's just not happening

[RootedPhoenix]

I don't have any advice, but I do have hugs! *offers hugs* and chocolate and herb tea! *offers chocolate and herb tea*

Wish I knew what to tell you.

[GingerBiscuit]

It can take up to two years of regular sex for a woman to become pregnant, so don't panic. Stress and panicking forces the body to think there is danger. It's easier said then done, but just concentrate on enjoying the trying and it will happen when it happens.

That said, if theres nothing in say, 18 months do pop to the doctor.

[Tireana Dorcha]

First off, Ginger has good points. The stress and worry can effect things (just like it's capable of effecting your period).

My suggestion? Think about it. Attempting to hide it away does nothing for you, and your inability to is causing you even more stress (which we're trying to minimize!). Think about why you feel you should be getting pregnant right away. Ask yourself why it makes you so upset. Is it because you think your husband is disappointed with you? Talk to him about it. Tell him your worries and fears (as irrational as they may be).

Just because it's irrational doesn't mean it's less real to you. Treat it the same way you would something that was "rational". Examine it, and find out the best way to overcome it. If that's talking with your doctor, go for it. Talking to your husband, do it. Talking to your mother, fine.

If you're anything like me, there will be tears and probably hystarics, some frustration--and possibly some anger--but you'll feel better afterwards.

[AnaKhouri]

People really are dense, aren't they? Most of the time they give advice with no understanding of your situation at all.

If it helps, it took our friends over a year to 'fall pregnant' (that phrase always amuses me for some reason) and another couple we know took 6 months.

Go with Tireana's excellent advice. Obsessing may not be the best thing for you, but locking it away is no better. Try to distract yourself but don't try to ignore your feelings.

[AdminAssistant]

It took my sister and BIL about a year, I think. I believe they did wind up talking to a doctor, mostly to figure out ovulation cycles, things like that.

[draftermatt]

Were you on the pill before you started trying?

Often it takes many months for your body to even start ovulating again.

My wife's good friend was taken off of the pill because of high blood pressure and didn't get her period for over 9 months afterwards!

[artifical sweetner]

its totally normal to obsess over something important to you.

perhaps it'll help to talk to someone about it (whether a close friend or therapist) or perhaps seek out a group at a fertility clinic as you are one of many couples who are probably having similiar issues. i know that talking out issues you cant stop obsessing about can really alleviate the stress/anxiety.

[KiaKat]

If you're really concerned, talk to your OB/GYN to get help tracking your cycle and maybe get an ultrasound to make sure everything is where it should be. There are a few things, like endomitriosis, that can present with no symptoms, but impact fertility. If everything is fine on your end and you still can't catch, get your husband checked out. Male factor infertility is real, and it does go undiagnosed.

Also remember, the older you are, the longer it can take. Egg quality declines as we get older.

In terms of always thinking about it...of course you are. Anyone who is telling you *not* to think about it either has never tried to get pregnant, or doesn't remember how stressful it is.

[Kheldarson]

You can always look into Natural Family Planning workshops. They'll teach you how to gauge your own rhythm so you and your husband know when's the best time to try to have a kid.

[tropicsgoddess]

The thing is when you're going through stress (mental and/or physical) it can hamper your chances of becoming pregnant. Try something that'll keep your mind occupied and you relaxed.

[Der Cute]

Yoga? Or kitties??

I can't say I'd know what you're feeling. But hugs and chocolate and kitties. Those always make me forget when I have a yucky day.

Cutenoob

[Miyon]

I wont say dont think about it because thats like say 'dont think about a green car'. Its there in your head and it will stay there but one thing you can try is to worry less about it. The worry part can be helped a little and worry effects your body.

I got pregnant the first time a condom broke.
My sister, it took her 2 years and fertility dr's.

Your body is the way it is. No one can compare their experience to you because physically its just different.
You might want to go to a dr just to help you worry less. Or just keep in mind that it will happen and you just have to wait it out.

You have my prayers as I know it was tough for my sister, but hang in there.
And to the people that say 'dont think about it' just reply 'ok' and drop the subject. They cant understand your thoughts and there isnt a point in trying to make them.

[Binky]

thank you to you all!

I'm going to take everyones advice and see my GP/GYN to try and work out my cycles and see if there is something going on.

As for the worry, I'm trying to incense and oil burners to try and calm my down externally, and herbal tea and talking to help me internally (warm tea makes me feel all gooey and fuzzy lol specially on a cold winter day)

*sigh* I know it will happen, and if not it's not like I can't ever have a child there is always adoption. But I'll go down that road when I get to it.

Till then I'll keep everyone updated!

[SengaKitty]

Another thing you could do is check out Baby-Gaga. It's a site for women who are or are trying to become pregnant, as well as those who've recently had babies. They really helped me. Good luck hon!