It's come down to this

[McGoddess09]

So, the other night, my mom's bf went to jail for back child support. He either had to come up with over 3 thousand or sit in jail for 120 days. Well, no-one around here can exactly pull that kind of money out of their ass, so he has to sit. Of course, my mom is oh-so-devastated, even though she knew (and he knew) that this would happen.

So my mom has been moping around, acting like this whole situation revolves around her, as she usually does.

Now,s he feels it's her responsibility to take care of his daughter. She's taking her everywhere and bringing her here and spending time with her.

I dunno when was the last time she asked me to do something with her or even when she stayed home to be with me or my sister.

Lately, she has been going out and getting drunk,especially after her bf was arrested. She still has no job and is spending money that we don't have. I suspect she is using the child support money that my dad sends. How did I come to this conclusion?

She doesn't buy $172 worth of groceries a week, not here anyways. She goes to the local food pantry for our house, but goes to an actual grocery store for her bf. He has no money of his own. My mom isn't paying the bills here, so my grandma is, but my mom is paying for his rent and buying him new things. She doesn't really buy my sister new clothes. When my dad got here from FL, he had to buy my sister a strapless bra, even though we have been bugging mom to get her one for weeks!

My mom is over dramatic. She thinks the world revolves around her. My graduation party turned into about her and she admitted that she was using this party as a way to make up for the party she didn't have because she got married instead. A friend of mine showed up that she didn't like. We had agreed that I could invite whomever I wanted. She started ranting and raving about how he needed to get off her property (even though he was in the street) and how he disrespected her and her house like four years ago(by having the bow chicka bow wow with me). When I confronted her about this, saying how he hurt me less than some of my friends did, but she let them come over, she said "Because they didn't disrespect me and my house."

"So it's ok that they hurt me, but once they hurt you, it's not ok?"

"Yep. Pretty much."

Lately, she has been going out all the time, but tonight, she brought her bf's daughter over and spent time with her and took her out. My mom won't even stay home for us or take us places with her.

It may sound like jealousy, but I am sick of this. Her world revolves around her, her bf, and now his daughter. It seems like her own two daughters don't even matter anymore. She blames my attachment issues on my dad, but in reality, she had a part in it, moreso than he did. She wonders why I lash out at her at times.

I have no idea how my sister feels. She is too scared to talk about her opinion, as she sees me get in trouble for mine.

All I want is a real mom and dad. I want a mom who will invite me out and not go out so much, who will listen to my thoughts and not ground me for them. I want a mom who doesn't drink so much. I want a dad who is actually there for me and not thousands of miles away. I want parents who truly love me and who don't act like my sister and I are just inconviences and accidents because they chose to have unprotected sex. I will be leaving home in August for college and I want to spend time with the few family I have here. I want a real family, not this broken one.

P.S. My sister just told me she is bothered by this. I fear for her when I have to go.

[Buglady]

Oh, sweetheart. That sucks, that truly does. I wish things could be different for you. If I may make an observation, though - it does sound as though you have a good handle on which issues belong to you and which are your mom's, and that's a HUGE step right there

Cheesy Internet virtual hugs coming your way...

[ottid]

Hugs!

I feel for you, I know how you feel! My circumstances were not as dire, but a similar situation. You deserve to be loved by your family, attention you deserve. Is there any one who would be able to talk to your mum so that she may see things in a different way? That may not be possible, but I think you should try.

Hugs for your sister too, I felt really bad for my brother when I went to Uni, but he wasn't me so things were slightly better for him, but things were not right for us when my mum's fiance moved in and started to control what we could do, contradicting much of what my mum and dad had taught us. We never played up, like we were never going to be on the wrong side of the law, but he always had to punish us to the max (not physically, thank goodness). Had he come into a situation where we were already starting to play up, there would have been a lot more problems, that's for sure.

[Akasa]

Does your father know she's spending the child support on bf and his daughter? I think that if he has proof he can get something done on his side.

[Shards]

Mc, I've followed your threads, admittedly not terribly closely, but at least taken a peak whenever I saw them, for quite a while now, and I have to say: You amaze me. I'm aware there are people who draw even worse hands, but you just keep things together so well despite all that happens with your mom.

I know it's small comfort at best, but you've broken the cycle already, you're on your way. Soon enough you'll have a proper guy (In fact as I recall you already do), who does pull his weight, and there'll be little McGods and McGoddesses running around, and you will be able to give them the things you never got. You drew a tough lot, and went above and beyond with it. Someday your mother will see that, or if she doesn't, then at least your father will. It sounds like he's got himself at least a good sight more put together than your mom does.

We're all here for you, this site has a truly wonderful community in that.

[BookstoreEscapee]

That sucks. How old is the bf's daughter? Where is her mother that your mom is spending so much time whth her?

Are you and your sister close? How old is she? It shouldn't be your place, but if you can talk to her and give her a "safe" place to express her thoughts, and assure her it will stay between the two of you, it would probably be helpful for her. How far away will you be at college? Other than being far away, how stable is your dad as a parent? Can you encourage her to talk to a teacher or counselor at school? If things are bad enough, they may be able to intervene, if necessary. Even if that's not necessary, they can help her deal with the situation and give her a place to turn where she won't have to worry about getting in trouble for expressing her opinion.

[McGoddess09]

I have already talked to my dad about the money, but we need real proof.

My sister and I are really close. She talks to me more than anyone. I will be three hours away for uni, but that is still too far away to keep a close eye on my munchkin.

My dad is a more stable parent, even though he is far away. He has a stable house that him and his gf pay for. He has a pretty good job with Pepsi. He's all about making sure that we do better than he did. He at least admits that he hasn't been a real father and that puts him one step above my mom at least. I wish he would have stayed, but about five years ago, he just wanted to live his life, but he matured quite a bit since I last saw him (before grad day).

Plaid got to see what my mom is like. If he finds this thread, he could probaly show some outsider's perspective.

ETA: My mom's bf's daughter is 7 or 8. The mom just sees it as an opportunity to drop off the kid and have some fun herself.

[McGoddess09]

Now I'm pissed!

Next Saturday is my 18th birthday. I wanted to spend it with family, so my birthday party was on graduation day, for friends and long distance relatives. Now, she wants to spend time with her bf's daughter and have her spend the night.

This may be the last birthday I get to spend with just the family and my own mother doesn't want to spend it with me.

I sent her a text message (since she's out shopping and didn't even ask if I wanted to go, but her friend's son gets to go. My sister has plans.) asking if we could just have family for my birthday.

No response.

It may sound childish, but I just want to spend my milestone birthday with family. I had my friend party already.

[BookstoreEscapee]

It may sound childish, but I just want to spend my milestone birthday with family. I had my friend party already.

Not childish. I spend most of my birthdays with just family. We have a tradition of dinner (either out or my mom will cook a special request) and my mom makes cake (for my mom's birthday my dad usually does the cake, sometimes I help). Not always on the actual birthday depending on schedules but as close as we can swing it. If there's a significant other in my life he's invited as well, but I don't remember the last time I had an actual birthday party. Closest was probably my 29th when Ex and I went to the bar and hung with all his friends after dinner with my family.

Edit: I take that back. We had a party for my 31st...and I got carsick on the way there and barely managed half a drink.

[blas]

It's not childish at all to want to spend such an important birthday with your family.

Your mother is the one being childish.

[tropicsgoddess]

It's not childish at all to want to spend such an important birthday with your family.

Your mother is the one being childish.

Agreed, not to mention very selfish and thoughtless.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Somebody once said there's a Simpsons quote for everything. I may need to add South Park to that.

"Now Stanley, you have to understand how divorce works. When I say, "you're the most important thing to me," what I mean is, you're the most important thing after me and my happiness and my new romances. "

I fear that's what's happening to you and your sister right now. I hope you can spend as much time with your sister as you can this summer. and let her know she can always talk to you even though you're away at college. She's going to need it.

"So it's ok that they hurt me, but once they hurt you, it's not ok?"

"Yep. Pretty much."

Wooooowwww...that's selfish, self-serving and many different kinds of wrong, and that's putting it as nicely as I can. I can't imagine my parents saying anything like that to me.

[Talon]

"So it's ok that they hurt me, but once they hurt you, it's not ok?"

"Yep. Pretty much."

Tell me, does your mother stand on her head when she goes to the bathroom?

Sounds like she went to the same school of Motherhood that MadMike's ex attended. Ok that's a bit harsh, she's an undergrad. MadMike's ex graduated bottom of the barrel with full dishonours

But I can already see the future. McGoddess09 and her sister will eventually get sick of being disrespected and cut ties with Mommy Dearest. She won't care, until the day she realizes her neglected daughters are living happy lives (without her, not that she'll appreciate that little detail), and demand a piece of the action. Then she'll throw a tantrum when her forgotten family isn't willing to drop everything in their lives to accommodate her self-absorbed ass. Am I right or am I missing something?

[protege]

Wooooowwww...that's selfish, self-serving and many different kinds of wrong, and that's putting it as nicely as I can. I can't imagine my parents saying anything like that to me.

"Wrong?" Pardon my French, but "fucked up" is more like it.

My own family is pretty fucked up. (Sorry for the cursing, but that's the only word that seems to fit.) To make a long story short, growing up in a dysfunction family really sucked. Everything in that house tends to revolve around my mother. For example, if we've had a bad day at work, we're not allowed to let off steam, because she 'doesn't want to hear it.' Yet, who comes home *every* day and screams about work?

Then there's the constant bickering between my parents. No matter what my father does...she find some way to belittle it. He's not perfect, but he doesn't deserve that. He also doesn't deserve getting yelled at...because my 30-year-old brother...is an unemployed piece of crap, who doesn't help out around the house.

In fact, that was one of the reasons I moved out. Well, that and I got tired of listening to all the screaming every damn night. I also got tired of listening to one parent bitch about the other one. After 30 years, I wanted some damn peace and quiet

[McGoddess09]

Protege, I think you and I are long lost siblings...except for the fact that your brother is only 5 years younger than my mom.

I can't blow off steam about work because my mom doesn't want to hear about it and I'm so lucky to have a job and blah blah blah. Yet, she's been either sitting on her ass or going out with friends, not finding a job.

My dad admitted that he wasn't (and still isn't) the greatest father in the world, but he has done so much better, but my mom still rips into him. I have told her multiple times not to bring him up, but she always has to say something.

I once told her "I bet if grandma talked bad about your dad, you would be as angry as I am right now about it." Of course, my mother got mad and started ranting about how her father isn't alive and how dare I talk about him that way. I wasn't meaning it to be offensive. I'm just trying to put her in my shoes. She knows what it's like to be a divorce child.

Don't get me wrong. I do love my mom. She is a good person (too good at times). She just hasn't grown up yet. I hate when she uses the excuse that she was a young mom, so she hasn't had time to grow up. The thing is, she was 17 when she had me. That's plenty of time to be a child, so she should be grown up about things. She deprived me of a childhood, yet I am more mature than she is.

It was quite embarassing the first night Plaid was here. She was being over dramatic about me graduating the next day, she feigned drunkeness (we were all playing drinking games) so she had an excuse to go to bed. She was having panic attacks over me growing up. WTF?

I texted her about the birthday thing earlier. She said we are going to talk. She still isn't home. Who wants to bet that she won't come home when I'm up and try to avoid talking to try to get her way?

Either way, it won't work. I will remember it and keep bringing it up until she finally talks.