It's come down to this

[Buglady]

Um. McGoddess, your mom is the same age as I am. Want me to come slap her?

I fully admit that I'm not as "mature" as maybe I should be, at 35. I don't quite get the rules of being a grown up, especially allt he financial and tax parts . BUT - I do know that you don't play power games and use emotional blackmail on people you claim to love! (Or anyone, of course). Really, I think I learned that one in kindergarten, so I call bullshit on your mom's "but I never had a chance to grow up" nonsense.

[BookstoreEscapee]

excuse that she was a young mom, so she hasn't had time to grow up.

What, when you have a kid you stop growing at whatever age you are when you have it? Okay...

[TTAZ]

Nope, I call shenanigans on the "young mother" defense. My mother had my older sis when she was 17. Mom and Kerry's dad never married, in fact she had to fight in court that Kerry was his. Even though this was in the 1970's and my mom was not unattractive, she did not party, drink, do drugs, sleep around, or any of that other "teenage" nonsense. She kept a job, even cleaning houses under the table when she had to. She always had a roof over her and Kerry's head, and often as not, my aunts and grandmother showed up too. Somehow my mom, despite being an unwed teenage mom, did all this and never gave my sister any shit for all the stuff she "missed out" on.

Bull. Shit. Do NOT play the power games. Do NOT listen to the things you know are BS. Do NOT EVER let anyone tell you that having you as a daughter, sister, friend, coworker, compatriot, or online board member is anything but the highest priveledge that they should thank you for, not try to drag you down.

That is all.

[Peppergirl]

I fully agree with the ones calling BS on the age thing.

I had my kids really young. I'll fully admit I wasn't the greatest mother in the world, but compared to the way your mother is behaving right now, I feel like Mary-freakin-Poppins!

You and your sister need and deserve more. My heart breaks for you, sweetie.

[protege]

Protege, I think you and I are long lost siblings...except for the fact that your brother is only 5 years younger than my mom.

LOL...and your mom is only about 2 years older than me

I do know that my mother does play favorites--I have another brother (27). He and I always seemed to get shafted on punishments. That is, because my mother and my unemployed brother are middle children, she tended to let him get away with things. Now that I don't live there anymore, things are slowly starting to change. She might "believe" his lies, but deep down seems to know what a lying piece of crap he really is. In fact, I've heard her mention to people...what a good guy *I* am.

[Jester]

She feels it's her responsibility to take care of his daughter. She's taking her everywhere and bringing her here and spending time with her.

I dunno when was the last time she asked me to do something with her or even when she stayed home to be with me or my sister.

Lately, she has been going out and getting drunk,especially after her bf was arrested. She still has no job and is spending money that we don't have. I suspect she is using the child support money that my dad sends.

She doesn't buy $172 worth of groceries a week, not here anyways. She goes to the local food pantry for our house, but goes to an actual grocery store for her bf. He has no money of his own. My mom isn't paying the bills here, so my grandma is, but my mom is paying for his rent and buying him new things. She doesn't really buy my sister new clothes. When my dad got here from FL, he had to buy my sister a strapless bra, even though we have been bugging mom to get her one for weeks!

My mom is over dramatic. She thinks the world revolves around her. My graduation party turned into about her and she admitted that she was using this party as a way to make up for the party she didn't have because she got married instead. A friend of mine showed up that she didn't like. We had agreed that I could invite whomever I wanted. She started ranting and raving about how he needed to get off her property (even though he was in the street) and how he disrespected her and her house like four years ago. When I confronted her about this, saying how he hurt me less than some of my friends did, but she let them come over, she said "Because they didn't disrespect me and my house."

"So it's ok that they hurt me, but once they hurt you, it's not ok?"

"Yep. Pretty much."

Lately, she has been going out all the time, but tonight, she brought her bf's daughter over and spent time with her and took her out. My mom won't even stay home for us or take us places with her.

It may sound like jealousy, but I am sick of this. Her world revolves around her, her bf, and now his daughter. It seems like her own two daughters don't even matter anymore. She blames my attachment issues on my dad, but in reality, she had a part in it, moreso than he did. She wonders why I lash out at her at times.

I have no idea how my sister feels. She is too scared to talk about her opinion, as she sees me get in trouble for mine.

All I want is a real mom. I want a mom who will invite me out and not go out so much, who will listen to my thoughts and not ground me for them. I want a mom who doesn't drink so much. I want parents who truly love me and who don't act like my sister and I are just inconveniences and accidents because they chose to have unprotected sex.

I have edited your post slightly, for reason. I think you should print out the above and have your mother read it, so she knows how you feel. Not just that you wrote all that, but that you felt the need to tell your online friends about it. Maybe it will strike a nerve with her.

Next Saturday is my 18th birthday. I wanted to spend it with family, so my birthday party was on graduation day, for friends and long distance relatives. Now, she wants to spend time with her bf's daughter and have her spend the night.

Then again, maybe your mother is just a fuckhead that has no clue how to treat people whatsoever and who is going to remain intentionally clueless about her daughters who are screaming out their need for her.

My dad is a more stable parent, even though he is far away. He has a stable house that him and his gf pay for. He has a pretty good job with Pepsi. He's all about making sure that we do better than he did. He at least admits that he hasn't been a real father and that puts him one step above my mom at least. I wish he would have stayed, but about five years ago, he just wanted to live his life, but he matured quite a bit since I last saw him (before grad day).

Maybe it would be best for all concerned if your sister went to Florida to live with your father. Just a thought.

I'll fully admit I wasn't the greatest mother in the world, but compared to the way your mother is behaving right now, I feel like Mary-freakin-Poppins!

I'm sorry, but I have to point out that Ms. Poppins was a nanny, not a mother. Sorry. Had to do it.

[Peppergirl]

I'm sorry, but I have to point out that Ms. Poppins was a nanny, not a mother. Sorry. Had to do it.

Quite alright, love. And very true. I was coffee deprived, and I just kept picturing her in my head.

[taxguykarl]

Then again, maybe your mother is just a fuckhead that has no clue how to treat people whatsoever and who is going to remain intentionally clueless about her daughters who are screaming out their need for her.

A distinctive posibility...Or it's some kind of manipulation. Here's some reading material. This self-help was gold for dealing with my MIL (also a young mother--first child at 18) who is very much an adolescent in a geriatric's body.

Maybe it would be best for all concerned if your sister went to Florida to live with your father. Just a thought.

Jester may be onto something here--and you too, McG. How old is your sister? At a certain age (I can't recall the age) a minor can choose the parent where they will live. The decree change becomes largely a bureaucratic formality.

Another option: You take your sister with you. In any case, scope out the local schools in your campus locale.

[McGoddess09]

My sister is 14, but it would be up to her.

I,on the other hand, can't go to FL because I am going to school in WI. My grandparents offered a place to live. In fact, they have talked about taking us.

Who knows?

[taxguykarl]

That sounds good...assuming the grandparents have their act together. What I'm wondering in your OP: Why does your mom feel such a responsibility for the BF's child?! If he is the one paying support, then he obviously wouldn't be the one with custody.

[blas]

McGoddess also knows she can come stay with big sis blas in Nowheresville, Wi if things get too out of hand