The dreaded LDR.....

[sms001]

And frankly, I am a much better and more aware person now than I was then. Any more "why" I cannot really answer. Sometimes life just takes a strange turn.

Pretty much the answer(s) that came to me also - I had them in mind when I asked, but didn't want to prompt you.

1. It's 2600 miles. Not 2500.
2. I am from Phoenix. Not Seattle.
3. Seattle is actually further from Key West than Phoenix is.

Or 2517 or 2581 or 2672, etc. etc. Brevity for clarity on my part.
Yes you are.
Yes it is. 3546 miles. That being the point of the joke - that when you tackle a LDR, you don't do things by half measure, say, a two hour car trip.... you gotta go ALL the way across the country. Picked Seattle because it's about as far as you can get from KW and still be on the mainland.

The "drought" was somewhat over before Nurse Betty. You may recall the "Harem" thread, where suddenly women seemed to be falling out of the sky

Nope. Must have missed that. That's certainly a bonus in your understanding your true thoughts on the Nurse Betty situation though.

Again, good on ya, and good luck.

[Jester]

Nope. Must have missed that.

That was the "There is something strange in the water" thread from a few months back, which you can find here, if you want to bore yourself with more of my personal life.

[SG15Z]

Good for you. I've been single a lot longer than you, and I can tell you for a fact that it gets REALLY old after awhile.

Well I'm not there yet! Yay single life!

[SilverOrb]

All I can say is... I really do wish you the best. I've done a few LDRs, and the biggest things I have learned are... Communicate often, don't do it unless you implicitly trust the person, and learn when to step away (and no I am not talking break ups). Especially when both people are passionate and stubborn, taking an hour or two in the middle of a fight to sort out feelings can be a relationship saver.

Again... best of luck!

[Jester]

Actually, I do know when to step away. I would not talk to her or take her calls for about 24 hours, which did two things. 1. It kept me from saying some things that I probably should not have said. 2. It drove her out of her mind nutso, which was an added bonus.

On the plus side, we are made up, having talked last night (I was drunk and don't remember most of it) and again this morning, where she reminded me of what we had talked about the first time. I got it right this time, I think!



(I'm gonna marry this woman!)

[Giggle Goose]

(I'm gonna marry this woman!)

Ha! I quoted you on that! You heard it right here first, folks!!!

But in all seriousness, I'm very happy for you! LDRs are not for jealous, anxious, and insecure people...but that certainly doesn't apply to you. In fact, LDRs tend to be even stronger since you have to deal with a lot more crap than other couples who live closer.

Like the fighting, for instance. Fighting shows you care enough about each other to duke it out. It's a problem if it's ALL the time about the SAME things...but anyway, I feel weird now giving YOU advice, since we're all usually on the receiving end. So good luck and congrats! It's especially cool that it's an old friend.

[lilnizzie]

LDR

Another 2 cents.

My husband and I were a long distance relationship (470 miles) for over 2 years. I was finally able to get him moved down in 2005.

We also talked every night (longest call, 9 hours) And we found that using a webcam and IM chat, along with the calls was the best substitute for having each other nearby.

Beyond that, all I can offer is commiseration. The end result is worth it, though. If that's what you want.

Just for BG, I'm a red headed Welsh woman, so there's temper there, too!

[PepperElf]

Going to toss in a couple of quotes i've gotten from Mom (tho one she got from a priest, tho it wasn't specifically religion based) and my boyfriend

1 be best friends with the person you marry

2 whenever you're going to make a serious life altering decision, wait 6 months to see if it's still how you feel.

3 fights are ok, as long as there's a reason... and a way to appropriately make up

(tho with my own addition, with the fights, just make sure it doesn't degrade into any name calling or insults... it's normal to fight, but destructive to cut each other down)

[Jester]

LDRs are not for jealous, anxious, and insecure people...but that certainly doesn't apply to you.

To me? No. To her? Well, yes. Quite so. Which makes this all the more interesting!

[Pedersen]

I've done my share of LDR's, and seen them bloom, and seen some of them fade away (usually badly).

So, if it's advice you want, I'll point out the pieces that I know of that, while they may be totally obvious, are still things to keep in your mind.

With all of them, I've found (and seen) the feelings be more intense, both good and bad. Happiness is more pronounced, sadness and anger flare up hotter. This seems (to me) to be because most LDR's now rely heavily on the written word, via text messages, emails, and IMs. What you see as something harmless will be deeply hurtful to Nurse Betty, and vice versa.

For both of you, get a webcam, and use it. Skype is free when you call Skype to Skype, you get voice, you get video, and you get to talk. It will help immensely.

If you use the internet to keep in touch, you're quite likely to talk to others about your relationship. And I do mean actually chatting, especially while either of you waits for the other to sign on. You will also find it easy to continue to carry on these side conversations while talking with the other. This habit must not be allowed to form.

This habit is the relationship killer. This is why and how marriages end (when it's due to the internet). You start chatting with someone on the side, and then suddenly you're spending more time chatting with the side than with the main, and you lose your connection to the main person. I've had it happen, and I've seen it happen, and I've got a friend for whom it's happening right now. Don't let it happen to you.

When you speak with her, and you're using the internet, speak with her only.

The last thing, and it won't be as prominent with you and Nurse Betty, but can still happen, is that the internet hides who you are. I remember an old editorial carton with a dog in front of a computer, and the caption "On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog." And it's still one of the truest things you can say about the internet. It provides a very large degree of anonymity, and that brings with it a freedom to be somebody totally different.

With you and Nurse Betty, that won't be as big a deal, but it will still be very possible for the two of you to hide those things you don't want the other to see, and those pieces would be very difficult to hide while living in the same area. You will have to make a conscious effort to avoid hiding those things.

That's all I can think of. I do hope it works well for you, I really do. I'm married to the woman I've wanted, and we went through a bit of an LDR (about a year before I moved out here). Been with her 6 years now. I know a couple that started out with an LDR, and are still together 14 years later. So they can work.

Just keep those things in mind, and it will (hopefully) go a bit more smoothly.

[katie kaboom]

I know a couple that started out with an LDR, and are still together 14 years later. So they can work.

This is true. The first few months my fiance and I were dating it was an LDR. It was tough, but hell, if I survived it you surely will.

I will say being in a LDR makes the time you spend with the person that much more precious, because you know you can't see them whenever you want to. You'll savor those moments together more than you would if you lived in the same area.

I know with us, webcams really helped keep us feeling close when we were hundreds of miles apart. It's the next best thing to being able to see your partner in person.

[SengaKitty]

(I'm gonna marry this woman!)

Should I start looking at those rings now?

Oh, and as far as LDR's go, my mother's been in one that's worked fairly well for the past three or four (maybe five?) years now. She lives in Kansas, he lives on Martha's Vineyard. Now, mind you, that's a whollllle different situation, but yeah, she's happy, I'm happy for her. She's actually going to see him today and all this weekend (Happy birthday mom!)

You know my situation right now, with Sir only being 604 miles from me. It's driving me crazy. I, however, am a very jealous person, like your Nurse Betty. I've got my reasons, though he's never given me one. He is more like you, not a jealous person. We're working on it.

I know you can do it, I've got all the faith in the world in you Good luck!

[strawbabies]

I remember the LDR well, especially the butterflies I had all day waiting for him to call me when he got off work. Around 2:30 my time, I'd grab my cell phone and run to the break room at my office building. Then I'd call him on my way home from work, and we'd talk until the phone batteries went dead.

The LDR is torture.

[Primer]

Maybe I missed it, but what's keeping Nurse Betty et. al. from moving to Key West for the duration? Being a nurse is a pretty high demand occupation. I'd think she could easily find a job just about anywhere until y'all figured out what's what.

[sms001]

Maybe I missed it, but what's keeping Nurse Betty et. al. from moving

She might not want to change the kids school district? Or she might be reading that the J-man WANTS to go home to PHX.