Partaking in a therapeutic dose of CS

[Bradester]

My father owns a business that's been hit hard in this economy, in part because of its ties to the automotive industry. He's trying to sell it, and there is some interest from two companies, but things are moving very slowly and Dad said things are to the point where he'll just be forced to close up shop soon.

A similar thing happened with my Dad's ad agency when I was roughly in the sixth grade. I couldn't comprehend all the details at the time, but it was scary for a preteen: cars repo'd, my brother basically forced to move out, nearly losing our house. I honestly don't know if things would be as bad this time around. My parents are both of retirement age, and will receive some benefits, but I don't know if it would be enough to support them. And no matter all the talk about hiring experienced workers, age is a detriment to finding a job. Mom works part time with me at my job; unfortunately her position pays barely over minimum wage. I worry terribly about my dad. This is a time where they should be enjoying retirement, taking on part time jobs for fun money, not to make the monthly house payment. Their marriage is stressed. Their mental health is suffering.

So is mine. I want to be out on my own, worrying about the normal issues 24-year-old college grads worry about, not living at home, pretty much acting as the main breadwinner on a rather pithy hourly wage. I'd love to move out; the circumstances are suffocating me, but I'm stopped by practicality and the fear my nine-year-old self had of my mother committing suicide and it being my fault, a fear that's never really left me. I've never had any extremely close friendships as an adult; I've had what I would consider 'best friends', but I was not their 'best friend', if that makes sense. Even these relationships have grown distant. I don't share more than the basics of the situation with them, mainly due to my mother's shame at the thought of them knowing, and the fact that I can tell they just don't understand. Frankly, I find it painful to be around them at the moment, because all it seems to do is remind me of what I don't have, not in terms of possessions, but in stability and a bright future. This is the most I've told anyone outside my family, spurred on by this board's history of supporting its members and the illusion of anonymity. I'm sorry to sound like such a Debbie Downer, but I wanted to get this out of me somehow.

I want my parents to find economic stability, to live out their remaining years in some happiness and comfort.

I want to finally start my own life, to try and get myself out of this depression and worry about my family's future.

If any of you is a praying sort, could you pray that Dad can sell his business, or that at least something will work out to get my parents out of this mess, and bring them some happiness and stability? I've been trying, but I don't know how much good it's doing.

[Food Lady]

(((Bradester))) I would expect someone in his early 20s to sometimes have friendships that seem one-sided (you feeling like others are there for you more than you for them.) That's normal. No one can be the strong one all the time, so keep praying, recognizing it's being heard. It may not change how you feel, but faith has little to do with emotions, which are always temporary.And remember, your parents have been through this before, and I'm sure, have learned some things along the way.

[protege]

I know *exactly* what that's like. My parents have always had money problems.

Dad once had a very good job at at ad agency. But, it was getting to him. He wasn't really happy there, since it was making him miss out on watching his kids grow up. Plus, the traveling wasn't really fair to my mother--with 3 kids to take care of, she was understandably pissed. He did what he could, but ultimately left to start his own ad agency.

...and picked the *wrong* time to do it. Most of his clients then were industrial types--local steel companies, breweries, etc. All of which were failing by then. His agency made money the first few years...but it wasn't to last. It struggled most of the 1980s, and was finally put out of its misery by 1994.

By then, he was working multiple jobs to help supplement my mother's income. With 3 kids to support, money simply didn't go very far. Home and auto maintenance was deferred, and whatever was bought had to last.

But, the worst had to be what it was doing to my parents. Dad would come home dead tired from one job, eat, and then go to another. As such, he usually wasn't in a good mood, and my parents yelling at other was a common occurrence. Imagine being a young child, and watching your world literally fall apart

At least towards the end of the '90s, things started to change. For one, Dad didn't have to worry about the ad agency any more. We'd closed it, and sold off the pieces. Company still exists on paper though, but no longer operates. Another thing that happened? Dad went back to school...and now teaches English across town.

But, they still had problems. Their credit rating was still shit, and because of all the deferred maintenance of things...they've only gotten out of that mess now. In fact, not long ago, they nearly lost the house.

How? Somehow, their property taxes got fucked up. The taxes were much higher than they should have been. They couldn't afford to pay them, but had no choice--here, if you don't pay your property taxes...your house gets seized, and sold at auction. My mother was in tears This was a house that she'd raised all 3 kids in!

Not wanting my parents to be homeless (I'd moved out by then), I did some "creative negotiations" with Grandma. Didn't know what else to do--my parents couldn't get a loan because of their credit, but couldn't afford to borrow against the house again. Grandma said that my mother "seemed upset" and was wondering if she could help. When I told her, she immediately wrote out a check, and told me to take it. Naturally, my mother was upset that I'd done that. However, once I explained *why,* she hugged me and was in tears.

Things have gotten better since then, but they're still not perfect. Right now, my dad is approaching retirement age--he just turned 64. However, because he couldn't save any cash all those years, he *can't* retire! Not that he really wants to, since he loves his teaching job. But, my mother does want to change things a bit. She went back to school, and is going to do something else. That is, she's going to tell the health department (in her words) "to go fuck themselves" and will become a nursing teacher.

What was the point in all this? Oh yes. I know *exactly* what it's like to watch your parents struggle. Trust me, it sucks. But, after all that, it also did one other thing. That is, it made *me* stronger. I've already decided, that after going through that shit once, that I'm *not* going through it again.

Bradester, I wish you and your parents the best of luck. Hang in there!

[AdminAssistant]

My dad was a farmer, mom was stay-at-home until we went to school, then she got a job as an aide, and eventually an IMPACT computer lab teacher. They always struggled. We'd have a good year, and then the next year there'd be a flood, followed by a drought, or a piece of equipment would catch fire and have to be replaced, or cotton prices would fall....Yep.