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*MOD EDIT - Post has been moved to "Literary" forum. Please send all comments and critiques via PM to Sarlon.
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Last edited by Ree; 06-05-2009, 09:59 PM.It is by snark alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire 'tude, the lips acquire mouthiness, the glares become a warning. -
If I saw this on the back of a book as the blurb.....
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Id read it.
Really. I love fantasy fic and this caught my attention. Please hurry up, so I may now read the rest.
. Besides some editing things, it seems to be a good beginning.
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Your writing style is very clean and flows nicely. It's not choppy or hard to read. You also do an excellent job of describing your characters.
I assume you would follow up with talking about where they are as that is the first big question I have as a reader. After that I'd like to know a little bit about what's up and where these two are going, which is what the rest of your intro/book is for
I would most certainly like to read more. What little you have is a good hook.Comment
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The prologue is quite intriguing, but I would need more to make a more detailed commentary. It seems you have a centaur and a tengu, maybe? I have a couple nitpicky descriptive comments, but since it's a roughdraft I won't bother mentioning them.Comment
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the first one described is actually meant to be a Gargoyle like from the old TV series...just minus the wings.
and please be nitpicky about the descriptions...I KNOW it needs fine tuning, the rough draft I have physically writting is over 9 pages long and I write tiny.It is by snark alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire 'tude, the lips acquire mouthiness, the glares become a warning.Comment
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I agree, this would be something I'd pick up, read a bit, and even buy. Once everything's fleshed out, it would be an interesting read.
I also have a few things here and there that I'd nitpick but it's only a few paragraphs and not enough information to really give a lot of constructive criticism. o.oEh, one day I'll have something useful here. Until then, have a cookie or two.Comment
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It would definitely catch my eye. The snippet you posted is great, IMO. I would probably pick it up to read.
Um... You're hand-writing this? Please tell me I read that wrong. Use your computer, and type it out. I seriously doubt that any publisher is accepting handwritten manuscripts any more.Quoth Sarlon View Post
Eric the Grey
In memory of Dena - Don't Drink and DriveComment
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Well, I know absolutely zero about fanfic or fiction writing, but when I'm starting a research project or dramaturgical work, I tend to write out a lot of stuff longhand. It helps me think."Even arms dealers need groceries." ~ Ziva David, NCIS
Tony: "Everyone's counting on you, just do what you do best."
Abby: "Dance?" ~ NCISComment
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I'm sure it's being typed out too. I write longhand- I simply can't sit down in front of a computer and work, I have to write it all out. I then transcribe it on the computer, making changes as I go. So, that's my first revision. It's time-consuming but for me there's no other way.
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I wrote the first 9 pages when I treated myself to a nice dinner out on singles awareness day. So yes it is partially being written long hand, and partially being typed out, the final draft of course going to be typed up.
Hell, I was spring cleaning this past month and came across my orginal notes of the book from WAY back in high school....
did I mention this book has been in the works for a while...It is by snark alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire 'tude, the lips acquire mouthiness, the glares become a warning.Comment
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We have a Literary forum for posting creative writing, but it doesn't allow replies, so please send your comments to Sarlon through PM.Too tired of living and too tired to end it. What a conundrum.Comment
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