Stupid Things College Students Say

[hinakiba777]

I light of my transfer to a new university, and McGoddess09 being an official college student now. I thought we should trade some quotes or stories about really stupid things we've heard college students say in the past.

"This is the only class I don't attend. I go to all the other ones."

That quote was thanks to a girl in my Astronomy class. She never did assignments, she was rarely in class, and she didn't care. After our final I asked if she did the last few assignments. She told me she hadn't done a single assignment all year. This was a full year course.

Needless to say, the girl failed. She still a little shocked.

So what tales do you all have to offer?

[edible_hat]

I was once in a tutorial where one guy answered a question with "I wasn't paying attention because I've got a headache".

The question was worth a tiny fraction of the overall grade, he got half of the marks for it for being honest.


ETA: One from a professor: he just got done explaining something using a wedding as a metaphore, and a student's phone rang... and their ringtone was the music used in every Jewish wedding scene in the movies. The professor thanked the student for providing background music.

[Caveat Emptor]

"You use too many big words"

To me from my freshman year roommate ('92-'93).

[Greenday]

While my teacher was demonstrating something in general chemistry I involving a copper solution. The solution was a clear dark blue.

Student "Could you drink that?"
Teacher "Um, drink what?"
Student "The solution."
Teacher "Well, you could if you really wanted to but I wouldn't suggest it..."

Really? Did she really think it's ok to drink chemicals?

[Trayol]

From one of my history classes with my favorite professor:
Student-Am I going to miss anything important in class Thursday?
Professor-All my classes are important, especially discussion days.

I still remember from my first month working at the Rec Center, over hearing three guys arguing over which way do the fronts of the organs in a sloth face. Yes, whilst taking turns on a weight machine, they discussed whether the organs faced the front or back.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

This comes from a couple air-headed ditzes in one of my college history classes, and the History Professor of Awesome who happened to be teaching it. We were discussing the Revolutionary War, and the ditzes were having a side conversation amongst themselves and not paying attention to the lecture about some battle in the war or something.

History Professor of Awesome decided to surprise them. "So Jessica, (Not her real name)(As far as I remember) what did the Americans do next?"

"...they gave up."

"Really? They gave up?"

"Yeah. They gave up."

"Really? They gave up. Is that what you're saying?"

"Well yeah. They didn't have enough troops."

"Dammit! Kids, stay in school!"

Rest of class: LOLWAT

A couple more gems from the History Professor of Awesome, not directed at anybody specifically. There were some "special" students in the class:

"What do I have to do to get you people to remember this stuff? Tattoo it to my ass and moon you? Aren't we pretending to be in college by now?"

"You know, if you're not going to pay attention and learn any of this stuff, just go put on your vest and work for Wal-Mart! Anybody here work at Wal-Mart?"

*a couple hands sheepishly rise*

"Oh. Well, I've been to Wal-Mart, and let me tell you, it ain't too intellectual!"

[hinakiba777]

Favorite History Prof= "....which is the whole problem with modernity!"
Classmate= "Excuse me, What does Modernity mean?"
Half the class=
Prof= Sorry, that's the modern period.
Other half of the class= *murmurs in understanding*
Other classmate= Um.....what does modern mean?
The sound of 59 facepalms echoed through the class room.

[draggar]

While my teacher was demonstrating something in general chemistry I involving a copper solution. The solution was a clear dark blue.

Student "Could you drink that?"
Teacher "Um, drink what?"
Student "The solution."
Teacher "Well, you could if you really wanted to but I wouldn't suggest it..."

Really? Did she really think it's ok to drink chemicals?

HCl + NaOH.

'Nuff said (well, as long as they were the right ratio).

[blas]

I can't think of any direct quotes, but I do have a few buddies who have blown stuff up in the microwave and set the toaster on fire.

[the_std]

"Hm, so if we put this huge barrel of water at the bottom of a stairwell, and huck this large chunk of potassium into it, what will happen?"

That was my dad. And he found out pretty damn fast.

[AdminAssistant]

One of my students:

"Um, so, I know I didn't do too well on this paper, so I was wondering if I could take it to the Writing Center and re-write it and then turn it in again next week."

"Going to the Writing Center would be good, but I won't re-grade it."

"Why not? That isn't faaaaaiiiirrrr."

"No, if I gave you a chance to improve your grade, that wouldn't be fair to everyone who did their paper right the first time."

Oh, and another one of mine - this was actually an e-mail from his mother:

"Sorry that Son wasn't at school on the day of his test, he was helping us move. Can he make up the test?"

Oh, I have many more.

[BarbieGirl]

In my stress management class (totally awesome!) during whatever type of meditation we were trying that day, crazy guy (I think he was on something) "AHHHHHHHHHHH I just want to jab this pencil in my EYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And my sister teaches Grammar and sentence structure among other things to ESL students at a community college. She got a lot of bad forms at the end of last quarter. She had given an EW a bad grade because she never participated in class or really attempted the assignments. So this EW started spreading the rumor that my sister was the Green River Killer.
And the next class refused to talk in class until she got it all cleared up and informed them of why the girl said that.

[hinakiba777]

And my sister teaches Grammar and sentence structure among other things to ESL students at a community college. She got a lot of bad forms at the end of last quarter. She had given an EW a bad grade because she never participated in class or really attempted the assignments. So this EW started spreading the rumor that my sister was the Green River Killer.
And the next class refused to talk in class until she got it all cleared up and informed them of why the girl said that.

Okay that's not stupid. That's VICIOUS. Why the hell would anyone do that? For a bad grade? REALLY?!

God, you have to have major issues if you start a rumour your teacher is serial killer because they gave you a bad grade.

[Argabarga]

Test day in class, everyone is busily making last minute note checks, and guy in front row with headphones suddenly realizes that, "Hey, everyone seems pretty serious, like there's some kind of test or something..." so he asks

Guy - Uh is there a test today?
Me - Yes
Guy - Oh, uh, what's it on?
Me - (not having time to play games) Everything since the last one
Guy - Uh, I skipped that one
Me - * silent *
Guy - Well, guess I'll be selling my books for beer money later....


Don't remember what class it was, only the exchange remains in my memory.

[edible_hat]

Just remembered this...

In a film appreciation class, my brother claimed that Orson Welles' greatest role was Unicron in the Transformers movie. The professor couldn't believe that such a great actor would stoop so low as to appear in animation. So my brother bet him a case of beer. Then they brought up the IMDB entry for Orson Welles, and guess who was right?