Family: Can't live with 'em, can't shove 'em out on an ice floe...

[RecoveringKinkoid]

So I have this cousin, a woman I grew up with who is like a sister to me. She has two kids, one is a 12 year old daughter that I adore and who is civilized, and the other is a 6 year old boy who is completely off the chain out of control and worse, is a habitual theif.

Needless to say, I don't really want to invite the whole family over, which sucks because I'd like them all over for my daughter's birtday in the early fall. But I know it's gonna be a complete mess if I have the boy over, because my cousin does not watch him at all.

I like to entertain in my home, and I like home birthday parties. This creates a rather shitty situation for me.

I just learned last night that her brother won't have them over to his house, either, which my cousin has taken as a personal affront, which I suppose it is.
"his wife is a bitch" she says. That may be the case, as I don't know my other cousin's wife that well.But I bet I know why she doesn't want the kids over there.

Really, I do not understand why my cousin is such a weak parent as to let this 6 year run all over the way she does. I have no doubt that's why she's been barred from her brothers house, and now I don't see much option other than bar her from mine. Even my mom is not comfortable having them over.

Really is getting me down today.

[Fufu487]

aww thats a tough one. But if other family members have already taken to avoiding having them over, its a sure sign that it's a real issue. you have to do what's right for your home and yourself aswell, and her lack of parenting is effecting both. It's unfortunate that the lil guy is causing some issues, but really it's your cousins responsibility to do some parenting and keep him under watch.

Dont let it get you down Your doing the right thing

[BookstoreEscapee]

Has anyone discussed this with her? If she is truly like a sister you should be able to talk to her about it. I'm guessing either he's got issues that have not been addressed, or she doesn't feel she knows how to deal with a child of the opposite sex, or something like that, so she just ignores his behavior. Do you have any concrete examples of things he's done while in your (or someone else's) house? She needs to realize the truth or her son is just going to alienate her from more and more people. Perhaps a sit-down, without the kids around, in a neutral location, might be in order.

[Der Cute]

What about celebrating as a picnic in the park? Where there isn't much more to steal besides food?

But yeah, would be major suckage.

Cutenoob

[RecoveringKinkoid]

She and the kids came out last year to my nephew's party. What happened was that he was running wild and getting into stuff...like going into my folk's room in the back of the house (we had the party at my parent's place) and rummaging around....waving sticks and whatnot around the smaller children and generally being dangerously rowdy around 2 and 3 year olds....and my cousin totally oblivious to it all. My husband and my BIL ended up spending the whole day basically baby sitting him. Not cool.

On the rare occasion my cousin DID make a pittance effort to say something to him, he totally ignored her. And she totoally let him.

Then, to make it even worse, a couple hours later she calls my mom's place to say that one of my nephew's racecars had found it's way inside her kid's pocket and he'd brought it home with him and she needed to bring it back. She apologized, but that's not even the worst part. We could hardly care that a four dollar car went missing, really. It happens. But the bad part was that she actually said "Oh, he does that all the time, I guess I need to start frisking him before we leave places. Hehehe."

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Okay, THAT was the part that really pushed us over the edge. "does that all the time???" Oh, that's awesome. Truly. Frisk him? Here's an idea, how about try teaching him that stealing is wrong, cous? (and you know what, last time I went over there to show the girl some guitar tips, my picks went missing. I mean, they're just picks and I actually gave both the girl and the boy small handfuls of colorful pics to keep. There was no need to scrump my damn pics. But off into the ether they went, only to mysteriously return later, found by guess who.

So yeah, no wonder her own brother won't let her bring the kids over. She told me once that her own family treats her like an outcast. Now, I know her family and they are hardly a bunch of warm, fuzzy, nurturing folks (and that's probably a whole other discussion right there). At the time, I felt bad for her for being mistreated. I still feel bad for her, but I no longer blame them for keeping her at arm's legnth.

I did think pretty hard about talking to her. But there's a couple things that stop me. One, what am I gonna say? It's not like she doesn't know how her kid acts. He fucking stole stuff out of my parent's house and she caught him red handed with the goods and it wasn't the first time. She knows this, it's not like I'd be enlightening her. And second, she ain't exactly the sort of person who is open to criticism. Nor does she listen to suggestion. I don't want to alienate her, especially since I have such a good relationship with her daughter. , I think I can do her daughter some good, she needs some support and kindness (yet another rant for another day). The girl frankly idolizes me, and I want more than anything to be a good influence in her life. I don't want to be cut off from her.

Knowing this family from the time I was 5, growing up a quarter of a mile down the road from them, I think I see what is going on here. I honestly do think that that family has different standards of raising kids for boys than they do for girls. Every boy in the family has been a frigging holy terror, while the parents just look the other way. The girls they come down on, the boys do as they please. You'd think my cousin would realize how wrong that is, but I guess people pass on what they are accustomed to.

I guess I will have to do a park gathering, which I hate. It's either that or leave them out entirely, and that's not fair to the girl.

[wagegoth]

I've had relatives like that. I even had a female manager like that.

[lupo pazzesco]

Urg. Family. I can totally empathize, Kinkoid, and I sowies. Cuz dearest needs a clue by four. I don't understand the baby of the family mentality some parents have (I think that's a contributing factor here.)

And he steals, regularly? Frak, no WAY would that family be allowed anywhere near me and mine.

Sorry you have to go through this. Don't know that I have anything to offer but empathy.

I do like the ice floe idea, though...there's a part of me that would dearly love to turn it into a reality. I'm quashing that part as we speak...

[Soulstealer]

Now now, the ice flow idea isn't good and you know it. You're in the end of July in the Southern U.S. after all.

[SteverinoNY]

The son of Chucky in your family (minus the murderous rampage and the psychotic raging bride) sounds just like my 14 year old cousin. He's a completely uncontrollable little shit who likes to destroy other people's property for fun and enjoys making little children cry. For example, we were at a 4th of July party at my uncle's and this little brat decided to take away my 5 year old cousin Thomas' truck and throw it in the pool. Then he went and threw a baseball thru the window of my uncle's company car. Needless to say the little shit is paying for the window (despite my aunt questioning why). He also got sent to sit in the car for the duration of the party by my uncle (his dad) who actually has a spine.

So, its not just your family who has an arrogant little no it all nitwit who needs a smacking, but its every family!

[taxguykarl]

RK, every family has at least one. We see who yours is. I recall Dr. Laura advising someone in a boat similar to yours to only meet the offender on neutral territory where there is nothing to steal or damage (at least nothing you have to replace). That sounds like the solution for you. If anyone asks, just tell your cousin and/or her hellion the truth: His behavior is unacceptable. The daughter is welcome because she knows how to behave. Alienating your cousin may be inevitable.