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Several things happened in the last week or two that culminated in a small revelation while I was on retreat last weekend. (Incidentally: a weekend silent retreat, in Santa Barbara, in a turn-of-the-century house, etc...WONDERFUL.)
First of all, as most of you know, I never fit in with other kids when I was growing up, and while I have largely gotten over that, I still have a difficult time operating inside a community.
Second, the churches I grew up in were VERY unhealthy, and I've been dealing with fallout from that for my adult life.
Third, I just turned 27.
All of these things combined when I got an email from my priest (a good friend of mine), noting that since I was turning 27, and I'd been at my current church for 9 years, this meant that he has known me for a third of my life.
That little comment completely blew my mind, and I've been thinking about it all week. I mean, I knew I'd been at my church for that long, but just the phrase "a third of my life" really got to me.
I realized that for the first time that I know of, I am loved and accepted *as I am* by a community. They know that I'm weird (they don't care), they know about my frequent financial and emotional difficulties (they accept it, and help when they can.)
The funny thing is, though this is something I've craved my whole life, that realization still makes me want to run and hide under a rock. It freaks me the heck out!
So...yeah....doing a lot of thinking right now. Interesting times.
First of all, as most of you know, I never fit in with other kids when I was growing up, and while I have largely gotten over that, I still have a difficult time operating inside a community.
Second, the churches I grew up in were VERY unhealthy, and I've been dealing with fallout from that for my adult life.
Third, I just turned 27.
All of these things combined when I got an email from my priest (a good friend of mine), noting that since I was turning 27, and I'd been at my current church for 9 years, this meant that he has known me for a third of my life.
That little comment completely blew my mind, and I've been thinking about it all week. I mean, I knew I'd been at my church for that long, but just the phrase "a third of my life" really got to me.
I realized that for the first time that I know of, I am loved and accepted *as I am* by a community. They know that I'm weird (they don't care), they know about my frequent financial and emotional difficulties (they accept it, and help when they can.)
The funny thing is, though this is something I've craved my whole life, that realization still makes me want to run and hide under a rock. It freaks me the heck out!
So...yeah....doing a lot of thinking right now. Interesting times.
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