Taking things to heart...

[fireheart]

And yet again, I keep taking things to heart. I usually try not to, but sooner or later it eats at me and I constantly wonder "is it a joke or not?" I've been picked on all my life because I'm smart, because I wear glasses, because I can't run fast...in high school, because I've sworn, because I act weird, because I don't know when to shut my mouth.
Half the time I'm still wondering what the heck I did to piss someone off, particularly my manager. I'm constantly associating everything at work as a measure of whether management likes me or not, from register allocations through to the number of hours I get. (work uses a junior wage scale, which means that from age 15-21, your pay increases on your birthday. The younger you are, the cheaper you are.)

At home, I'm constantly muttering under my breath over something I'm pissed about, yet my family seems to think that I'm getting pissed off over nothing. They try and give me advice, but I can see the flaws in the ideas...they also seem to expect that I can magically not focus on the negatives and magically ignore bullies. THat I can magically stand up to myself. That my supposed lack of confidence is non-existent and that I do have confidence inmyself, just that it's not being used...

I think I'm ranting now....and it's 11:18pm over here....

[Bright_Star]

I know how you feel. During high school I was constantly bullied & more often than not I was the one punished because of my reaction to the bullies. The bullies somehow never got in trouble for provoking me. & people used to wonder why I prefered my own company.

I would hear people say that if you show the bullies that it doesn't bother you then they'll leave you alone. Just how exactly does one do that anyway? What they did bothered me & it showed! How can someone just simply ignore a bully when said bully makes it a point to become physically abusive?

What I shake my head in disbelief over nowadays is whenever I've gone to my high school reunions & meet up with these idiots. They act like what they did long ago is supposed to have been forgotten & can't understand why you want nothing to do with them. Yeah, it might have been a long time ago & you've moved on BUT the memories of those days still hurts.