My roomate is killing me (language)

[Diablo]

This is going to be one long bitch session....just a warning...
I live in a collage town with a guy. I ended up with the dude because we went to high school. We both served in the same branch of the military, and I thought it would be an easy transition for me. Live with a cat that in the similar situation...but I have grown to be really annoyed by him....

1) He is uber passive aggressive. He will leave annoying notes about everything. When bills are due, when things are out of place, anything that bothers him. Yet I am never late with the cash, I am a clean freak, etc. Why take the time to write a note when you could just say something? Oh wait...you ain't got no dosh to cry about....
2) He drinks my beer. Not really a big deal except he complains about my beer choice constantly. Miller is too cheap. La Fin due Monde is too fancy. When I get a keg for my keg-r-ator, he always complains. I get Guinness for it. What the hell? You know how much of a pain it is to get a nitrogen tank refill?
3) He freaks out everyone that comes over. As soon as he gets home...the pants come off. Its a t-shirt and underware on the couch until he goes to sleep. Tonight is the perfect example. Me and about 10 people spent the majority of the night on the patio smoking because my roommate sat in the living room, in his underware, watching SciFi by himself for about two hours. Please dude...put on some pants...
4) His clueless attempts to hit on women. My roommate tried, and I am completely seriously, to hit my married sister in front of me, when she helped me move in. Again...put on some goddamn pants!!!!
5) I got a bird, African Grey. The only time I haven't spent with this bird, since I got him at the age of nine, is in the 6 years I was in the military. I have broken up 3 relationships, one that was close to marriage, over the bird. He is my illegitimate, self destructive son I never wanted (he was a rescue I landed as a kid), but will never abandon... My roommate has gotten bit twice, his mom once, while going into my room while I was gone. Seriously dude....I like the bird more than my brother...don't pick a fight...you will lose.....Just this last week, he called an exterminator about the ants in his bathroom. The dude was going to spray, without my knowledge, until he realize a bird was in the apartment. Roomie? Are you trying to give me a reason to kill you?
6) GET OFF THE COUCH!!! Tonight was a prime example. I asked him if he wanted to go out. I got some BS. So I went out....got a half of dozen text from him, asking what I was up to...came home with someone...got the third degree....If you won't go out dude...WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?!?!?
7) The Creepiness. I can't have a party or grill without people getting seriously freaked....PLEASE PUT SOME PANTS ON!!!!
8) Not to say I am some crazy partying asshole. I get up for work at 5 am, six days a week this summer. I don't get back till 8 pm. Its the nature of the work I do. My roommate? 9 am start, 8 hour day, five day a week. The one day I get....I expect a little compassion for my craziness....Damnit I earn it.
9) Stop with the trash!!! We had two parking spaces. One close, oddly enough right next to the dumpster, and one literally in the middle of nowhere. Guess which one I got...guess what my roommate passively aggressively drops hints about despite being parked next to the goddamn dumpster while I have to got down a damn hill every morning. I don't care...you fucking agreed to it....
10) I don't know how the fuck he does it but he is going to ruin our fucking kitchen floor. Our wash machine and dryer is in our kitchen. When I use it...no fucking problems. When, my roommate? The entire kitchen is flooded. Add in that the floor is wooden...now I have to worry that this moron is going to ruin it and I get stuck with the cost....oh yeah... when he floods it, he never takes the time to try and mop it up. I am always the one to discover the mess.....
11) My roommate tries, the few times he goes in public, to try and make it sound like he is fucking Rambo to score with chicks. To be clear, I served three tours in Iraq and Afghanistan....my roommate blew out his knee while skiing...before he ever got deployed. He is as much a veteran as a fucking mailman.....
12) I had a brethren ask me for help. He was in a real bad way. Basically he needed a place to crash, about a week, till a place opened up for him in a VA hospital. This cat saved my life over there, I don't want to go into it but he is seriously closer than family. Since then I put up with hearing about a dead beat on the couch every time I have someone over....IT WAS A ONE TIME DEAL!!!! Let it go roomie!!! By the way, calling him a beaner while he was here really pissed me off. Not all of us can get hurt on a slope and get a sweet deal.This alone is the reason that I will not resign a lease with you.....goddamn when I get drunk and think about this... it pisses me off...

[TOLady]

Wow - just wow!

Here, have a cookie *hands over cookie*!

Roomie - put on some damn pants!

[BookstoreEscapee]

2) He drinks my beer. Not really a big deal except he complains about my beer choice constantly.

I take it from the phrase "my beer" that he does not chip in money for said beer? Then tell him to get his own damn beer. Then when he does, drink it yourself. Hey, he owes you! I don't even drink beer, but even I know a whole keg of Guinness isn't exactly something to complain about.

3) He freaks out everyone that comes over. As soon as he gets home...the pants come off. Its a t-shirt and underware on the couch until he goes to sleep. Tonight is the perfect example. Me and about 10 people spent the majority of the night on the patio smoking because my roommate sat in the living room, in his underware, watching SciFi by himself for about two hours. Please dude...put on some pants...

Have you mentioned this to him? Something along the lines of "when I have friends over I would appreciate it if you would wear some pants?" Do you often have big groups over? Maybe this is his passive-aggressive way of saying he doesn't like company. (I'm not saying you shouldn't be allowed to have company, but maybe give him fair warning?) Does he have a TV in his room? Can't hang in there if he doesn't want to be social?

He is my illegitimate, self destructive son I never wanted (he was a rescue I landed as a kid), but will never abandon...

Hehe I was going to say something about the fact that this bird has bitten people, until I read that is was because they went into your room...presumably without your permission...Sounds like he's antagonizing him on purpose in some way. Maybe you need to put a lock on your door that only you have the key to.

9) Stop with the trash!!! We had two parking spaces. One close, oddly enough right next to the dumpster, and one literally in the middle of nowhere. Guess which one I got...guess what my roommate passively aggressively drops hints about despite being parked next to the goddamn dumpster while I have to got down a damn hill every morning. I don't care...you fucking agreed to it....

So what, he's complaining that he's parked next to the dumpster? Sounds like it's a tradeoff...walk, or smell trash. Offer to switch with him and he'll start complaining about how far he has to walk.

11) My roommate tries, the few times he goes in public, to try and make it sound like he is fucking Rambo to score with chicks. To be clear, I served three tours in Iraq and Afghanistan....my roommate blew out his knee while skiing...before he ever got deployed. He is as much a veteran as a fucking mailman.....

To you, sir,
To him,

How much time is left on your lease? I'd be looking for a new place, or a new roommate.

[Sliceanddice]

So what, he's complaining that he's parked next to the dumpster? Sounds like it's a tradeoff...walk, or smell trash. Offer to switch with him and he'll start complaining about how far he has to walk.

actually BE i think his roomie is trying to get OP to take out the trash everytime when he can take it to the dumpster everytime he leaves the house

[BookstoreEscapee]

actually BE i think his roomie is trying to get OP to take out the trash everytime when he can take it to the dumpster everytime he leaves the house

Ah, that would make sense.

At my place we don't have assigned spaces. Even if we did, my apartment faces the highway, so I would be parking on the side anyway. There's a parking area right by the complex entrance, on the other side of the building next to us, or we can go around and park on the other side of our building. I usually park on that side because there's more shade, and it's more likely to have empty spots when I get home. Since I come in the back entrance of the complex, I just go to the back parking lot, because if I go up to the front only to find there are no spaces, I just have to turn around and go back anyway. The dumpster is in the back lot, as well, which is convenient. We don't argue about the trash. If it's full, and I'm parked near the dumpster, and my hands aren't too full, I'll just take it on my way out; roomie does the same.

[blas]

I feel for you on every level. Having a freakshow for a roomate can scar you for life and make you scared to ever live with someone again.

I've made up my mind that I'm done with roomates, and the next time I'm living with someone, it will be a fiancee. The only exception to that would be if I were thisclose to being homeless, then I might take up a place with a friend again.

My former roomate liked to dress up like a girl. It was creepy.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I feel for you on every level. Having a freakshow for a roomate can scar you for life and make you scared to ever live with someone again.

I've been lucky with my roommate. The only bad roommate I had was my first college roommate, and she was just a bitch. We lasted a semester; luckily (relatively speaking) there were enough unhappy freshmen on my hall that we were able to play some musical rooms and we all switched around right before finals. I moved in with my friend two doors down and we stayed together the next year, as well. Eventually we started to drive each other nuts (as will happen in a small room occupied by two not-so-neat-freaks) but we're still friends 15 years later. When I lived in PA I had my own place, and my roomie now is actually a sane and responsible person. Found her on roommates.com, which I recommend to anyone who is looking for someone to live with. We both chose the "match me with someone who is also looking for a room" option, got matched up that way, emailed back and forth, met in person, and decided to go for it. The hard part was finding a place that had a two-bedroom unit available.

[blas]

Doing the roommate thing can be very hit or miss.....I say this because sometimes people can change for the worse over a very short period of time. The reason I said yes to moving in with my former roommate is because I'd known him for over a year, he'd kept his other living places very neat and always paid his bills and was very reliable and had a good character.

I was happy for him when he got a girlfriend, but they ended up having a very odd relationship, and while I was thankful that he was always at her place, he then started refusing to pay his half even though he wouldn't move out or get off the lease. It was so frustrating how he changed into such a worthless schmuck.

As for the OP, again, I feel for you. Why don't you just bluntly tell him next time "Dude, you're a fucking freak. Put some pants on and act like a normal human being and then maybe you won't be so alone!"

[Red_Dazes]

The Beau is my first and only roommate. .. Some friends and I were going to get a place together right after HS. But they pretty much voted me off the island with out telling me. Suffice to say... I don't take betrayal well, and I haven't spoken to either of them more than a few sentences for 2 years....

Hope you get out of the lease with that guy, sounds like a dead beat... and get a new roomie.