I need to learn to say 'no'

[Damien]

I need to learn to say no to those who ask for favours... with the exception of very close family and very close friends...

...the rest can pay for it....

I have my own life to live and I refuse to be anyone else's servant.

I have already started to assert myself - one of the responses, I have already had was - "I thought you were a friend"

So, I asked them, how many times did they call or email other than asking for a favour? How many times did they ask how my Masters was doing? how many times did they actually care as to how I am?

They stammered and mumbled - so I said the obvious conclusion - that I had thought they were a friend, but instead it is clear that I have been nothing but a servant - being paid a pittance in false respect.

Many are going to hate this, some may become hostile - hoping to brow beat me into submission like how it worked in the past. Some will whine and get the 'sads', trying to use sympathy and emotional chains to re-enslave me like how it worked in the past.

This has been building up for a while - but it is time that I really start looking out for myself for a change.

If they do not like it, they are just going to have to get used to it.

[Der Cute]

There you go! That's exactly it. Use the spine, and use it well. Don't go beating people over the head with it (even if they do deserve it) but don't take any more bullshit.

Cutenoob

[Damien]

beating people with my spine...hmmmm... the mental image conjured by that is awesome...lol

But yes, I'll still be polite, but it will be to politely tell them 'no'

[iradney]

If they ask why, just say "That won't be possible"
Don't say I'm sorry, because that gives them an "in". Lather, rinse, repeat.

[Damien]

good point! I can probably get my teacher dead pan voice in if they persist

[draggar]

It's amazing the number of "friends" you get when people realize you have a talent that they require. It's also amazing how these "friends" only come to you when they need to utilize your talent(s).

You have a buiness, you have a life, and god intentions won't fund either of those.

Acquaintance =/= friend
Client =/= friend

[Talon]

Here here! Ditch the deadbeats!

Be nice to those who merit it, the rest can go fourth and multiply themselves.

[TOLady]

I'd realized I had spent almost 3/4 of my life giving in to any and all requests.

I finally decided that I was giving 95% and only getting 10% back when I needed any help.

So I stopped. Cold. And yes, it probably pissed some people off, but those that accepted it are still my friends (including relatives), and we're probably closer since I started putting my foot down. They know they can count on me When It's Necessary, but not for every stupid little thing they used to have me doing.

Just look at my siggie!

[iradney]

Actually, if you REALLY want to confuse em, try "I am disinclined to acquies to your request at this moment."
While they're trying to figure out what the heck you just said, you have time escape

[Damien]

I'd realized I had spent almost 3/4 of my life giving in to any and all requests.

I finally decided that I was giving 95% and only getting 10% back when I needed any help.

So I stopped. Cold. And yes, it probably pissed some people off, but those that accepted it are still my friends (including relatives), and we're probably closer since I started putting my foot down. They know they can count on me When It's Necessary, but not for every stupid little thing they used to have me doing.

Just look at my siggie!

Yup, that is my situation to the letter and that is the change I need to do.

Iradney - that is awesome, I am going to have to use that one, and I know who it can be used upon (A person that may be confused by happily get the hint).

[BookstoreEscapee]

Actually, if you REALLY want to confuse em, try "I am disinclined to acquies to your request at this moment."

"Means 'no.'"

I love that line

[TOLady]

"I am disinclined to acquies to your request at this moment."

Damn - where were you when I needed you!

Damien - Best of luck, and just remember to always come here first when you're feeling weak and we'll back you up when you need it (just remember - let the phone go through to VM when "they" call!).

[Damien]

I will definitely come here if I start to weaken...

A case in point recently, as many would be aware that I am a teacher (as well as a researcher and post grad student) - some of my senior students are emailing, requesting that I go in during summer break asides from the days I have set aside - I have said no and that they can wait until the summer school (mid August).

What they need help with can wait until then or they could actually do some more research!

Speaking of which - my research Masters is one of the main reasons (asides from my health and sanity) why I am putting the ol' foot down. Thankfully my bosses are aware of my other commitments and have been encouraging to say no also.

[Der Cute]

I'm sorry, that isn't possible.

I won't be able to do that.

No.

Sorry, no.

Fuck no.

Get the hell out of my office you wanker.


Well, you get the picture. The top 4 can be used. If you start getting towards number 5 or 6, step out for a break or such.

Cutenoob