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My Great Aunt is on her way out of this world. 
My mom and my aunt went to visit her at the hospital this weekend, they were there almost three days. We had been told she wasn't going to make it though the week, but she was alert and awake when they were there the first day or so... then on Monday when they were getting ready to leave they were informed she had another heart attack. She has been going down hill from there, kidneys are shutting down, her lungs are filling up with fluid... the doctors have said "We have done all we can." The hospice people are just trying to make her as comfortable as possible now.
I've kind of been removed from the whole thing... I got to visit her about two years ago at her nursing home. Her mind has pretty much gone, she couldn't remember words or people or faces... couldn't even string together a coherent sentence. I didn't like seeing her like that, I'd rather remember her healthy and vibrant like she was when I was growing up. I would go over to her house every day. Play in her big back yard full of trees and shrubs and pretend I was exploring some wild jungle. She had a dog named Mooch, who would follow me around like the proud baby sitter all the time. And when I got tired I would come inside and she would make me some juice and a sandwich, or some milk and cookies, and we would sit and watch TV together. Then when she first started going down hill, she had to move in with her son, so Mom and I would make trips out to see her often, and I would just sit and listen to all of them talk... and the stories I heard.
So I don't want to go and have to see her so gone already. I don't want to remember her like that...and it hasn't been bothering me at all until today. I got an e-mail from my mom and she told me that she brought one of my little stuffed puppies from when I was a kid. When they got to the hospital my great aunt was lying there clutching the blankets and they slipped the puppy into her hands, and she smiled and held it and the whole time they were there she just clutched it to her with a big smile....
Just broke my heart a little I guess. I just feel helpless. I didn't have many friends my age growing up... I didn't relate to them... instead I would hang out with my parents and the people they were around, and I loved it.... And now here I am at twenty years old with no real friends to speak of and all these people who meant so much to me, who shaped my life and taught me to be who I am are all disappearing now that I am finally old enough to really be able to and WANT to sit down and talk to them about things, and now that I can understand things they would say instead of just listen with starry eyes... I can't. And it makes me feel very alone and very scared.
...sorry... I just needed to let out a few tears and such...
My mom and my aunt went to visit her at the hospital this weekend, they were there almost three days. We had been told she wasn't going to make it though the week, but she was alert and awake when they were there the first day or so... then on Monday when they were getting ready to leave they were informed she had another heart attack. She has been going down hill from there, kidneys are shutting down, her lungs are filling up with fluid... the doctors have said "We have done all we can." The hospice people are just trying to make her as comfortable as possible now.I've kind of been removed from the whole thing... I got to visit her about two years ago at her nursing home. Her mind has pretty much gone, she couldn't remember words or people or faces... couldn't even string together a coherent sentence. I didn't like seeing her like that, I'd rather remember her healthy and vibrant like she was when I was growing up. I would go over to her house every day. Play in her big back yard full of trees and shrubs and pretend I was exploring some wild jungle. She had a dog named Mooch, who would follow me around like the proud baby sitter all the time. And when I got tired I would come inside and she would make me some juice and a sandwich, or some milk and cookies, and we would sit and watch TV together. Then when she first started going down hill, she had to move in with her son, so Mom and I would make trips out to see her often, and I would just sit and listen to all of them talk... and the stories I heard.
So I don't want to go and have to see her so gone already. I don't want to remember her like that...and it hasn't been bothering me at all until today. I got an e-mail from my mom and she told me that she brought one of my little stuffed puppies from when I was a kid. When they got to the hospital my great aunt was lying there clutching the blankets and they slipped the puppy into her hands, and she smiled and held it and the whole time they were there she just clutched it to her with a big smile....
Just broke my heart a little I guess. I just feel helpless. I didn't have many friends my age growing up... I didn't relate to them... instead I would hang out with my parents and the people they were around, and I loved it.... And now here I am at twenty years old with no real friends to speak of and all these people who meant so much to me, who shaped my life and taught me to be who I am are all disappearing now that I am finally old enough to really be able to and WANT to sit down and talk to them about things, and now that I can understand things they would say instead of just listen with starry eyes... I can't. And it makes me feel very alone and very scared.
...sorry... I just needed to let out a few tears and such...
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