I hate being back here.

[MaggieTheCat]

I'm from Wisconsin. Born and raised for 25 years in a small little town in the deep northwoods.

I hated school.
I wasn't very fond of my job.
I have determined that my entire family that lives here is dysfunctional.

I moved to San Antonio to move in with my then-boyfriend, now-husband in May, and have loved every minute of it. I love him, I love the city, and I love being away from all the stuff that I disliked about Wisconsin.

My parents missed me and begged me to come back and visit, so I agreed. I am now back in Wisconsin and I. HATE. IT.

Mostly, I am really, really pissed off at my mom. She has not been a very good host, in my opinion, and yes, I am a guest now, so that makes her a host. For starters, she didn't offer me breakfast or lunch. I found my own breakfast of cereal and milk, but I didn't know what was up for grabs or what was off-limits in the fridge or the pantry for lunch. I don't expect her to make me food, but she could at least say, "There's leftovers in the fridge," or "We have lunchmeat and bread if you want to make yourself a sandwich." She also didn't spend any time with me. She went on and on and on for weeks before I got here about how excited she was to see me and how she couldn't wait for me to come home...and she spent the morning in the bathroom (typical, even though she never goes anywhere except to the store, she always spends about 3 hours in the bathroom most mornings) and the afternoon in her workshop, quilting.

Bonus: Within 15 hours of my plane touching down at the airport here, she managed to make me cry.

"I'm gonna go out soon, so I--" (was going to say, "I'm going to go take a shower." but she cut me off.) "Well, you have to take a shower and wash your hair first!" "... I was just about to go take a shower, but I just washed my hair yesterday afternoon so I wasn't planning on washing it again." "Well, it doesn't look like you washed it! It's all greasy and I can see dandruff right there! *points*"

Thanks. Thanks a lot, bitch. Because not only am I apparently two years old and need to be told when to take a shower before I leave the house, but I have to be degraded in the process.

I left around 7 or 7:30 this evening to go over to a friend's place for dinner, catching up, and a game of Scrabble. I just got home, around 11:15. She was OBVIOUSLY upset over something, as she was VERY mopey when she greeted me, she kept sniffling (like, loud sniffling, like she wanted me to know that she was sniffling) and she had a box of kleenex sitting next to her at the table that she kept using to dab her eyes and blow her nose. I specifically asked her what was wrong and she said, "Nothing." But I have a SNEAKING HUNCH that she is uber-pissed at me for spending so much time at my friend's house and not with her.

I am just so pissed that I am really close to paying $150 to reschedule my flight back to Texas to tomorrow or at least in a couple of days. Right now, I'm not supposed to go back until next Thursday -- over a friggin' week away. What the HELL was I thinking when I booked this trip that long!? I have no idea what I'm going to do the entire time, or how I'm going to cope with my mom's passive-aggressive psychological warfare bullshit.

[iradney]

Try sitting her down and saying "Mom, I love you, but your passive aggressiveness is not making this a pleasant visit. I want to enjoy spending time with you, not mentally prepare myself for the next barbed comment. If you carry on like this, I will drastically reduce the amount of time spent with you, be it in person, on the phone or online."

If she carries on, then leave. Sure, it's $150, but wouldn't it be much nicer to spend the last few days of your vacation actually having fun and relaxing?

[Red_Dazes]

I agree. My mom and I used to fight like cats and dogs. She is wonderful at the art of GUILT, and making me feel like crap. IE. I would be feeling particularly pretty, after noticing a small almost unseeable zit and vanquishing it with medicine and make up. Thinking I looked fabulous.... and mom would come in and say "Oh Honey! What a HORRIBLE looking zit! You poor thing." Gee thanks for that shot at my confidence mom... guess emo hair it is today

When I moved out it didn't really get better till I just up and told her "Look, I love you. I want to spend time with you. But you have to stop this passive aggressive guilt trip shit and treat me like a NORMAL person... or we aren't going to see each other.... ever." ^_^ I go visit her once a week now and we get on great.

Not saying your mom will work out as nice... but you are an adult now hun, you have the right to ask to be treated as such.

[wagegoth]

I haven't spoken to my mother in seven years. That's not the way I wanted it, but she painted me into a corner with guilt and religion, among other things. I had moved in with my grandmother on my 18th birthday because I couldn't take the nitpicking and undermining from her anymore. If you can afford it at all, pay the money and go home to where people love you and treat you the way you should be treated.

[NightWatch]

When I was 17 (almost 18) my parents took me with them on vacation to see my grandmother. I had already graduated from highschool and was working full time. So I had to schedule time off and whatnot for that vacation. A week before the trip my bf's (at the time) father passed away unexpectedly. He told me to go on the trip and not to worry about him, but the trip was miserable in so many ways. My grandma had lost it (some undiagnosed/untreated form of senility), it was hot and muggy (she didn't have a/c), and the mosquitoes that year were so bad it was literally impossible to go do any of the outdoor activities we would normally do. The trip was hell for everyone. My dad decided to fork over the extra $$$ for an early return trip

It was worth every penny!!!! If you can afford it, or can find someone to lend you the money, get the fuzz out of their and enjoy the rest of your time off in your own home with people who don't drive you insane. Vacations are supposed to be fun and relaxing.

[NightAngel]

Just know that I totally, completely sympathize.

I am back in my small, bassackward, hometown after living for somewhere around 9-10 years in Florida. Hometown is like the 7th plane of Hell to me.

I. HATE. IT.

[MaggieTheCat]

All of my friends back here (in my Wisconsin hometown) apparently didn't think I was going to like it/make it in Texas, for a variety of reasons. I moved from a town of ~9000 with a very white population to a city of around 3,000,000+ (including the metro area, which is where we live anyway) with a very diverse population; I didn't know anyone and was upheaving my entire life (leaving job, friends, family, "everything" behind) for him and was he really worth it/going to appreciate me; and the big one, IT'S HOT DOWN THERE!

Well guess what!

I like the city. I LOVE it. It's so much better than this little backwater dump that I grew up in. Most people who are born/raised here apparently like to stay here or in a similar small town their whole lives. Not me. I like all the people of the city, I like the diversity, and most of all, I like that there are things to DO besides sitting in a bar every other night of the week. I upheaved everything for a reason and for a good reason, and all of my husband's friends like me and have accepted me, so it's not like I don't have a social life. And, I like the heat of Texas! It's been a really hot summer, from what I understand, even moreso than usual, so it has been an adjustment for me and I don't like going outside when it's 100+ out. But I am happier there when it's 105 than I am here when it's 75 (I get cold really easily.) Also, I'm going to be rubbing it in everyone's faces up here in January when we have 70 and they have -20.

Anyway, thanks for listening to me rant. My parents are leaving for a few days tomorrow so I will have the house to myself which will be good. I am going to spend a little time with my brother. He and I have had many conversations in the past about our parents so he knows the deal too. It will be good to connect with him again.

[JoitheArtist]

I like the city. I LOVE it. It's so much better than this little backwater dump that I grew up in. Most people who are born/raised here apparently like to stay here or in a similar small town their whole lives. Not me. I like all the people of the city, I like the diversity, and most of all, I like that there are things to DO besides sitting in a bar every other night of the week. I upheaved everything for a reason and for a good reason, and all of my husband's friends like me and have accepted me, so it's not like I don't have a social life.

I completely understand. I grew up in Texas towns (Amarillo area) of about 12,000, and HATED IT. There's not too many geeks in towns that size in that area. Very few of my peers read at all, much less the stuff I was reading. Plus, I was into "weird" movies, Star Wars, space in general, etc.

To this day, people in those towns are surprised that I have NO interest in coming back. Right. Because I want to trade LA (well, the LA area anyway) with its incredible diversity, operas, shows, reading groups, and general culture for an area with some of the highest per capita rates for teen pregnancy and teen alcoholism, where I'm ALWAYS the odd one out and have to work hard to find even one other person my age who reads anything that's not Twilight.

Yeah. No thanks.

So, yeah, I feel your pain on that one. Stay in the city! Cities rock!

[BlaqueKatt]

All of my friends back here (in my Wisconsin hometown) apparently didn't think I was going to like it/make it in Texas, for a variety of reasons.

actually they hoped you wouldn't-because it reinforces their idea of "leaving our hometown is bad" and they could point to you as an example of why they don't leave-now they actually have to admit that maybe there is a world outside of what they know and it's not as scary as they've built it up to be in their own heads.

Wow that's a runon sentence.......